venus
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by venus on Jul 30, 2003 15:46:31 GMT -5
I am sure it varies somewhat but in general how long does it take when starting a relationship for a shy man to feel at ease - and know what to do with a woman?
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Post by spitzig on Jul 31, 2003 16:23:49 GMT -5
Well, most people are shy dependent upon circumstances. So, just saying he's shy doesn't say much.
As far as when he'll be at ease, that would probably be dependent upon whether he thinks you're going to dump him. Probably depending upon whether he does [some thing] or doesn't. Or, whether you still think he's interesting. Things like that. This probably won't be a boolean switch, where he going from being nervous to being at ease at all times with you instantaneously.
Important factors with "what to do" would be how much dating experiences he's had. If he's not had much, it'd probably take longer. If he's had little enough experience, much of his knowledge probably comes from movies, which is not representative of reality. The best way to get him to know what to do is lead him, or tell him what to do. Some guys think this is un-macho, so that might not work well. Then you have to hint, and hope he gets the hints.
Knowledge doesn't suddenly "come to you". There are 2 basic ways you get it. Study it(which includes someone tell you). Experimentation. I'd guess he'd be really slow with experimentation in an area he's not confident with.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Aug 3, 2003 12:04:00 GMT -5
From my own experiences, I have found that once I feel comfortable with my surroundings and with whoever I'm with, then the shyness eases. As Spitzig said, everyone is probably different.
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Post by Venus on Aug 4, 2003 8:27:49 GMT -5
Well, I am taking the slow approach for two reasons:
1 - My own dislike of rejection - and fear of it. 2 - I am discovering just how afraid he is!
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Post by Randomshyguy on Aug 6, 2003 20:35:17 GMT -5
I am sure it varies somewhat but in general how long does it take when starting a relationship for a shy man to feel at ease - and know what to do with a woman? To feel at ease? Well, I think once he comes to really understand that she wants him as her boyfriend. It's the doubt about that which is crippling. Sometimes it takes some time for him to wind down the feelings of inadequacy integrated up over all of his previous life... As for total comfort including physical stuff... well, my first gf and I had been getting progressively more touchy/feely during our first week back together after a month of involuntary seperation. One night we finally took all our clothes off and had just started some nervous mutual exploring when I kind of lost it all over the place. It was so embarrassing that all I could think to do was clean up quickly - so we jumped in the shower together, but she was really cold. Then I remembered the hot tub. A couple hours in there put us both really at ease. When we climbed out, and were standing there naked in the kitchen, it suddenly hit me that I felt more comfortable unclothed with her than I had ever been fully clothed in the presence of a woman before.
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Post by spitzig on Aug 6, 2003 21:24:05 GMT -5
To feel at ease? Well, I think once he comes to really understand that she wants him as her boyfriend. It's the doubt about that which is crippling. Sometimes it takes some time for him to wind down the feelings of inadequacy integrated up over all of his previous life... Well, anxiety doesn't neccessarily go away then. If he thinks he might get dumped at any moment, dependent upon whether he does X or shows Y trait, or the girl meeting a better prospect, that might cause anxiety.
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Post by CaptainMatt on Sept 4, 2003 1:55:05 GMT -5
Confront him in person if you have the opprotunity. When he is behind a computer he has a place to hide.
Matt
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Post by CaptainMatt on Sept 4, 2003 1:56:08 GMT -5
sorry wrong thread ;D
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Oct 23, 2003 23:51:29 GMT -5
If you want him to feel more at ease, compliment him and let him know you like him for who he is. Us shys are so INSECURE we need all the compliments and reassurance to deal w/ the self torment that can exis in our head, or at least I'm that way...Even when I thought I loved my ex girl I still worried about being talkitive and worrying she would find me boring. I never talked about any of my insecurities w/ her b/c I felt I would just make them all the more aparent and solidified...COMPLIMENT and express what you like about him and anything positive!
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