ooh wow could you help
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Post by ooh wow could you help on Oct 21, 2003 7:54:22 GMT -5
Basically, I've been on one date and out with friends (just a girl and me) like 3 times in the last year or so. My old Fiencee and I broke up, I've been pretty tore up about it - things are good now though. Anyhow, not that I was ever real smooth women to begin with, but I feel so shy now if a girl walked up to me and said, "let's go to bed" I'd probably faint.
Here's my question then. At work the other day a reporter came in to do a story on something relating to my particular department. It's a small company. Later that day I talked to our P.R. director who was there, (and a friend) like hey, hate to be unprofessional but do you know her well enough to talk to her? Maybe giveher my number. So, i got her work number and her e-mail addy. I'm told it was made clear toher I wished to contect her for other-than professional reasons. So - I'm thinking that's a good sign. I hardly know anyone in this new town to ask. I have decided I would rather call her than e-mail her. Being a reporter i figure maybe late aftertoon would be best. Any advice on when to call, what to say? how to handle it? I'm pretty sure right now I'd stall and there'd be silence.
Thanks so much! Glad I found you all!
shybiewonkenobe
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Post by Twice-Shy on Oct 22, 2003 11:15:02 GMT -5
Never trust a journalist! Only joking. I am actually one myself. We are a lovely bunch. Maybe you could ask her out for a drink.The old cliche of journos spending most of their lives in bars is not true but you couls maybe ask her out for a quiet drink after work and take it from there. As for what to talk about, a tip I always used in the past was to actually write down a dozen or so things that you want to bring up when you meet. You could include obvious topics like the weather and her job. After a few dates it should become second nature. Let us know how it goes.
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Oct 24, 2003 0:37:36 GMT -5
As for what to talk about, a tip I always used in the past was to actually write down a dozen or so things that you want to bring up when you meet. You could include obvious topics like the weather and her job. After a few dates it should become second nature. Let us know how it goes. Hey shane, is this personal experience? I've heard people say this tactic before to become a good conversationalist...but I always thought it was BS. What happens when you run out of topics? I always find myself at a loss of word and am very conscious about it. I would love to learn to just speak freely and carry a good conversation---but usually I make simple comments, ask a few questions, and usually quiet for the most part trying to think of things to say and over analyzing myself uncontrollably!!! My theory has always been some people are just born talkers and some quiet. Have you progressed from a negative, quiet, shy cycle...?
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Post by spiridon on Oct 24, 2003 8:13:59 GMT -5
Well, one thing you need to realize is that it's OK to be quiet and just listen to them. One great comedian (I think it was Chris Rock) said that women would consider you to be the best talker if you just let them talk all the time and only sometimes respond with things like "Uh-huh," "No kidding," "Get outta here," "I knew that b$%^h was crazy!" There is some truth to that in real life. Just don't overreact if they talk more than you ("OK, I taked only one time, this guy talked n times and that girl next to him talked n+2 times. I'm a social retard!") I also posted in another thread how to respond to the question "How come you're so quiet/never talk?" and what kind of people usually ask these questions.
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Post by spitzig on Oct 24, 2003 17:29:56 GMT -5
It's generally known that a good way to get people to like you is to get them to talk about a subject they are interested in. Also, they have to think you are interested.
spiridon--"n times"? Computer Science/Math major?
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holycrap did it work
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Post by holycrap did it work on Oct 24, 2003 17:44:05 GMT -5
Well I called her last night. After a few courteous how ya doin, etc. I was like well you know the reason I was calling is I'd like to know if you'd go out to dinner with me sometime next week. She said Yes right away, but then was going on about how she's pretty busy the next 1.5 weeks (which, being a journalist, could definitely be true) to shoot her an e-mail (I thought I was doing well by calling not e-mailing).. a few minutes later she asked where I live and it's like ooh wow that's far...... blah blah. And yes, she tried to pin me on some questions regarding the story she was writing. Firstly, that's not why I called and she was made aware I was calling for other than professional reasons. 2) It's not my job, or place, to answer the questions she was asking. The questions really kinda put me off... it sounded like she wasn't writing all that hot of an article. oh well. I'm not too tore up about it. What I really wanted to say is I have read here (and been told countless times) about just how important confidence is - and that's really the biggest part sometimes. I belive totally! Just that woman saying yes and giving me her number 'fixed' my state of mind. I'm certainly not cocky now, but I feel like talking to almost every girl I see now! A year ago my fiancee and I split up, so my whole esteem thing was a little messy I was nervous just being around some girls! Let alone talking to them! So... being a little confident about things guess what happened? yesterday I was at the bank, still in my work uniform. There's a teller there I've had my eye on for months... but I always felt to talk to her would be like hitting on your bartender... you don't really do that, or it doesn't work (FYI). Anyhow, I was being helped by another teller, andhadn't seen my fav - she came walking over asking about my work and what I do, how cool it was, how'd I get into the field, etc... I actually schmoozed a bit... was like yeah come on out I'll give you the tour.... anyhow, without babbling too much more I'll probably see her at my work this weekend! Confidence is the thing, plus we all know(although it doesn't matter sometimes when you're shy) that you won't get any girls if you don't talk to any girls! thanks all
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Oct 24, 2003 21:30:42 GMT -5
glad to hear that worked out for ya. confidence is not that easy for some people though...like me, It's hard to have confidence when I'm constantly beating myself up and analyzing my every action. I find eye contact difficult for some reason, I don't know why but I usually concentrate how my eyes are shifty in a conversation rather then the conversation. are yall like that? by the way thanks for the advice spiridon. I've heard that before to, but in our society being talkative, wild and personable is so emphasized it does make you feel inferior when you are quiet, at least I do, and I'll rationalyize all my thoughts and come to conclusions all of these insecurities are trivial, but they just never dissapear, my thoughts can be relentless....
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