|
Post by iroseiroared2 on Jul 26, 2004 15:09:39 GMT -5
IRoseIRoared, conservative Christians promote abstinence before marriage. If that kind of religion is compatible with who you are, you will find plenty of men in a conservative church who are willing to delay sex until marriage. Once you find someone, I guess that you could just delay marriage until you are ready to have children. If you don't want to go the religiously conservative route, I don't see much hope for finding men in the mainstream culture who are willing to be abstinent in a relationship for years. Yeah, that's exactly my point. I don't want a guy like that at all. I guess I'm screwed then. Oh well.
|
|
|
Post by losergeek1138 on Jul 26, 2004 16:56:43 GMT -5
if the main reason you want to avoid sex is fear of pregnancy/disease, there's always mutual masturbation and dry humping...
|
|
|
Post by sushiboat on Jul 26, 2004 17:40:35 GMT -5
The failure rate for the pill is less than 1%. That means fewer than 1% of the women who use it get pregnant in the course of a year. If you add a condom (for STD protection), the chances of getting pregnant become very, very slim. If you do become pregnant, abortion is still legal in the United States. If you want a relationship with a modern man, it is in your power to have sex without having children.
Shyness is about fear of risk. There are all kinds of risks, and we have to take some risks in order to accomplish things.
Have you considered the possibility that you are really afraid of a relationship -- or that someone will reject you for who you are -- so you created a reason for rejection that doesn't threaten you? If you know that the guy stopped calling you because he is horny, then you never have to deal with the possibility that he found you inadequate in some other way. Sometimes we are really good at putting up barriers to our own success.
|
|
|
Post by iroseiroared2 on Jul 27, 2004 1:47:27 GMT -5
No, that's not it at all. I am telling the absolute truth. And if I couldn't see where you were coming from I would say that was actually kinda rude to say something like that.. but I know you're not trying to be. I am not saying no to sex so that he will dump me for that instead of another reason. Actually, that IS the reason I'm afraid he'll dump me! I'm afraid to have sex because I don't want to get pregnant. THAT is the truth. Believe me, it's not like I don't want it. I don't even have the whole wait-till-marriage belief. I just know that with how I'm always saying I don't want kids, somehow I'll end up getting pregnant, even with a condom. And I do not want to go on the pill. Why should I have to spend the money and fuck up my body just to make some guy happy? There are many other ways to be sexual without having intercourse, I don't know why people don't realize that. I'm not afraid to show him who I am as a person. I know how to show my true side to my significant others.. they probably end up knowing me better than anyone else. I guess I should be ready to left behind, but I guess that's just what will happen then.
|
|
|
Post by losergeek1138 on Jul 27, 2004 2:22:41 GMT -5
actually i kind of understand... i think i would want to stop before actually engaging in intercourse myself cause i wouldnt want to get a girl pregnant. although i know i'd eventually want to go "all the way" but only if either a) we knew we were gonna get married or b) i was absolutely 100% sure any child produced would be adopted into loving home.
|
|
|
Post by iroseiroared2 on Jul 27, 2004 2:31:05 GMT -5
actually i kind of understand... i think i would want to stop before actually engaging in intercourse myself cause i wouldnt want to get a girl pregnant. although i know i'd eventually want to go "all the way" but only if either a) we knew we were gonna get married or b) i was absolutely 100% sure any child produced would be adopted into loving home. Wow, then maybe you're the perfect guy for me, lol. I am actually going to print out what you said and keep it near me so that I don't fall into the trap of giving up my beliefs for someone else.. the person I was was tested in my last relationship but I was strong enough to not change myself, and break free of it. Thank you.
|
|
Ramon
New Member
Posts: 8
|
Post by Ramon on Jul 29, 2004 10:28:53 GMT -5
and if you aren't a christian, i strongly recommend against becoming one. it's a toxic belief system that destroys your self esteem. No offence or anything here, but this is the rudest bullshit I've ever heard. a "toxic belief" is when you play god and pretend to know what what works for everyone. different ppl big mouth have different prefrences, and what's "toxic" for you isn't for others. so keep your insulting remarks for yourself. i had sex at a very young age too(first time at 16). and although I'm not very proud of it, but I would agree with spitzig that it's important to experience before marriage, at least for men. sex DOES matter in serious relationships, and it's just too risky for me to get commited without knowing what to expect...
|
|
|
Post by losergeek1138 on Jul 29, 2004 14:35:25 GMT -5
all i know is i spent 10 years being a christian, and know first hand it's a toxic religion (caveat: i'm talking about hardcore bible-centric christianity here, the kind that takes everything written in the bible seriously. the bible has some really negative messages in it from an objective point of view).
|
|
|
Post by spitzig on Aug 5, 2004 13:20:04 GMT -5
I'm afraid to have sex because I don't want to get pregnant. THAT is the truth. Believe me, it's not like I don't want it. ... And I do not want to go on the pill. Why should I have to spend the money and fuck up my body just to make some guy happy? The way you contradict yourself here seems to indicate you are conflicted here. You say that you want sex. Then, a few sentences later that you don't want to go on the pill "to make some guy happy". Having sex to make others happy is not NEARLY as good a reason as making yourself happy(and, in many cases, negative). The pill doesn't mess up every woman's body. The only cases I've known of, the changes are just for one period of the month. Personally, I'd take acne for the rest of my life in exchange for sex without pregnancy. Also, there are other methods of contraception, than just the pill and condoms. And, they can be used in combination. None are anywhere near as fun as sex. Or as intimate. They are fun, but I've still been horny after any of them. losergeek1138 I tend to be pretty cynical about organized religion, and particularly about Christianity. However, this is only one view of one type of Christianity. For example, "God's wrath" is not that big a deal in many Christian sects.
|
|
|
Post by Naptaq on Aug 5, 2004 15:14:41 GMT -5
all i know is i spent 10 years being a christian, and know first hand it's a toxic religion (caveat: i'm talking about hardcore bible-centric christianity here, the kind that takes everything written in the bible seriously. the bible has some really negative messages in it from an objective point of view). i've also been a christian for a long time and if u take all of what is writen in the bible seriusly then u can say godbye from ur life actualy.. but isn't that what's it all about? trying to be the best u can be? well that u have to find out 4 yourself. .and besides a lot of so called "christians" don't take seriusly what's written in the bible. They don't really care so they just follow the rules that they think they should.. or none at all. But beliving deeply in something isn't really a bad thing. As a wise man would say "a good Christian will never do u harm" oh and IRoseIRoared i am sure that someday somehow u will find The One.. but there is no such thing as a perfect man so....
|
|
|
Post by StillShy on Aug 5, 2004 21:44:18 GMT -5
Hi! I'm so glad I found this site!!
This relates to the earlier posts in this thread...so I hope I'm not just rehashing the same stuff...but this was exactly what I went searching on the web to find.
My biggest issue is how long before becoming intimate with someone and it is the main reason I don't enjoy dating too much. Once I've gotten past this "intimacy hurdle" I tend not to be particularly shy. But I seem to end relationships before I maybe ought to because I'm afraid to say "Let's wait a bit longer, I'm not comfortable yet". No one's ever broken it off with me for that reason...I always beat them to it.
Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned, or maybe it's just the shyness, but whatever happened to getting to know someone before jumping in bed with them?
My ideal situation for meeting someone is to become friends and then have it develop into something more...but it seems that the modern dating scene isn't geared toward this. It seems much more geared to quickly moving toward the next step.
This is especially troubling with men whose company I enjoy but who I don't find immediately attractive. I get REALLY uncomfortable if they start to get physical too soon. I've heard the cliche that people become more attractive the more you get to know them.
There is one guy in particular that I'm experiencing this with right now. He just told me some other woman told him the "f" word.... (friend) so I'd feel a little silly and almost guilty giving him the same line....mind you, I know that's not MY problem. ;D
Look forward to any insight anyone has!
|
|