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Post by CaryGrant on Jan 14, 2004 12:04:40 GMT -5
Picked a controversial title to catch people's interest, because I am curious about this...it seems to me that shy relationships are highly liked to be doomed. Let's say you are dating a shy person; here are the major problems that I see:
1. Some shy people don't even know themselves or what they want. This can get frustrating for the more assertive partner.
2. If the shy person becomes less shy, a dramatic personality and character change can occur. Suddenly the less shy person has wants and needs and is expressing them. And maybe this new, less shy person doesn't want or need the partner, or the partner can't handle this new person.
I'm speaking from experience to an extent. As I've become less shy, I've also become a different person, and the types of people I like have also changed. Now I prefer social/group activities over sitting at home and renting a movie. If I was with a shy person (who didn't want to change), this would cause problems. I have also become more aware of and assertive about what I want, where before I was willing to go along with whatever - but the new me caused problems with the woman I was with.
Anyone else have thoughts or experience about this?
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Post by spitzig on Jan 14, 2004 21:47:59 GMT -5
Neither of those seem particularly specific to shy people.
For the first, knowing what you want comes with seeing what you like and don't want. Given that shy people are less likely to have as many experiences with people, it DOES seem likely that they'd be less likely to know what they want compared to others their own age. However, that doesn't mean dating a non-shy person is wiser, because you still are not sure if you want the non-shy person. In this regard, it just seems like just as bad an idea for ANYONE to date shy people.
Regarding the second, people change--whether it's related to being shy or not. Sometimes those changes break up relationships.
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Post by EdgedInBlue on Jan 15, 2004 9:21:08 GMT -5
Well, personally, I see the problems with dating an extrovert outweighing the problems with dating an introvert.
Point #1 is true for extroverts as well. Many spend so much of their time and energy socializing that they don't give themselves a chance to find out who they are and what they want out of life.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that it is difficult to spot a shy person because they usually arent the ones chatting up the bartender or carrying on.
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Post by Boblouie58 on Jan 15, 2004 16:55:38 GMT -5
I married a shy person. Now granted there are many degrees of shyness. I was more shy in some situations and she in others, but we both met and realized we could make our relationship work as we loved each other. Love conquers many things in life. My points on this site have been varied but I always come back to the point that we as "shy" people need to not worry so much about our shy shortcomings but to look on the brighter side of life and dating. No matter where you find someone of the opposite sex you will probably need to get more comfortable with yourself and figure out, how to meet others.  I can suggest but each of you have to take care of your own particular situation since "I personally can't feel what anxiety or self doubt you feel yourself". Making yourself get out and meeting someone or anyone be it a policeman, a sales clerk..just anyone is a start!  Heck, if I can do it from being so painfully shy all the way through 6 years of college and graduating, getting a job, dealing with peoplke as fellow employees, the public, dating and getting married..all of you can do it if this is what you really want?  So...shy is basically no different than extroverted...just measured by its degrees. |
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Post by spitzig on Jan 15, 2004 20:41:24 GMT -5
I think there is some use of shy and introverted as synonyms. They are not the same thing. Shyness is related to being anxious in social settings. Introversion is based on preferences. One can be shy and extroverted. It just means they enjoy the larger social atmosphere, but get nervous. Of course, shyness is situational, so it's possible they enjoy some and not others and combinations like that. I believe Johnny Carson was a shy extrovert.
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max
New Member
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Post by max on Jan 15, 2004 23:59:14 GMT -5
#1 isn't something exclusive to shy people. I'm sure plenty of shy and non-shy people have no clue what they want. Regarding #2, I think it's always true that you want to be in a relationship with someone compatible with you, that shares some of your interests, and is in a similar 'place' emotionally. Opposites attact to a degree, but someone who craves going out every night isn't going to be happy with a homebody. That said, I think the key thing isn't whether you should date a shy or non-shy person, but that you should look for someone you are compatible with. If you, personally, think you might not be that comfortable with a shy person well .. maybe that's just because you are becoming less shy yourself  |
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