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Post by Chester8o5 on Dec 4, 2003 15:35:57 GMT -5
the girl i am going to marry, in about nine months, and i are both still virgins. last week, she told me she wants to have sex nowand she doesnt want to wait till we are married. i'm kinda torn about this. i mean i can understand that she wants to but why now. more or less im scared to. i've told her this but she still wants to. we have been dating just over three years. she is really pushing for this. we tried a few nights ago but i couldnt. any advice would be appreciated.
Ken
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Post by spitzig on Dec 5, 2003 3:41:02 GMT -5
Why, now? It's fun seems like a good reason to me(I don't mean just fun as far as physical sensations). To say "why now", a person would have to know "why not now." People seem to decide to wait (and stop waiting) for societal, religious, and emotional reasons. I'd say it's tied to the marriage--she doesn't expect you to ditch her in the near future.
More important, is the fact that you could not ask HER "why now", if you are getting married.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Dec 5, 2003 6:39:11 GMT -5
The fact that you tried a few nights ago but couldn't suggests that deep down you were not ready. You should talk to your fiance and tell her that you want to wait. When the time is psycologically right it will be the most natural thing in the world.
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 5, 2003 11:44:44 GMT -5
If you are not having sex now because you are scared to, would that change after marriage? If the reason you are not doing it is fear...then say so, but don't let it stop you. It's ok to confess sexual anxiety, especially as it is a first for both of you. Might be handy to learn ways other than actual intercourse to make her "happy."  Shyness can cause problems in this area. Not to get too personal, but are you two intimate in other ways, and is there lots of physical affection? Is she worried that married life won't be much "fun" in that way? Or perhaps some friend of hers has put a bug in her ear about it. You may have trouble performing if you are too anxious about the whole thing, and may want to get yourself one of the wonder drugs (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, there may be others) before your next attempt. Don't tell her - you're just using it until you get over your anxiety about sex. If you have not been sexually intimate in other ways up till now, then you could start there and build up to intercourse. I would like to respectfully disagree with Shane on this one, because the reason the time may not be psychologically right could be due to confused ideas you have about sex, or what sex means, or simply performance anxiety. If this is the case, it may take you some time to sort it out. |
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Post by spitzig on Dec 6, 2003 19:51:04 GMT -5
You may have trouble performing if you are too anxious about the whole thing, and may want to get yourself one of the wonder drugs (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, there may be others) before your next attempt. Don't tell her - you're just using it until you get over your anxiety about sex. If you have not been sexually intimate in other ways up till now, then you could start there and build up to intercourse. Do those help with psychological causes? I thought they were just for physiological. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 7, 2003 11:37:35 GMT -5
The wonder drugs help with psychological issues, too, in two ways. First, you may feel more relaxed knowing that you've got drug xxx helping you out. Second, they actually work on your physiology, so if you allow yourself to get aroused, they will do what nature intended. The key is not to somehow prevent yourself from feeling aroused.
I think they are actually commonly used to restore confidence, after which the drug is no longer required.
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Post by Chester8o5 on Dec 11, 2003 11:37:45 GMT -5
thanks all for your advice.
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