The girl of my dreams is getting married.

[Wayne]

I have never had a girlfriend before and I am 17 years old. For about 5 months I have really fallen for this girl, even though I have never spoken to her. When I hear her talking to other people I am in awe of what a great personality she has, and she is beautiful. The main reason I decided to give fighting shyness another go is because I hoped to one day be her boyfriend. Although today when I heard her talking I almost felt like crawling into a corner and crying. She is getting married to her boyfriend, he proposed last week, and she said yes. I now feel more down than I ever have, I am starting to drift into depression once again. It feels like my life is pointless, she is getting married, now there is no chance of us getting together. Every girl I have ever fallen for has always been out of my reach, it has been the bane of my life. Are there any success stories, does the guy ever get the girl? As the saying goes, the good guys finish last, and I am starting to believe it is true more and more each day. Is it really worth the bother of trying to overcome shyness if all the girls I will ever fall for will be out of my reach?

[ASolitarySoul]

Wayne said:

I have never had a girlfriend before and I am 17 years old. For about 5 months I have really fallen for this girl, even though I have never spoken to her. When I hear her talking to other people I am in awe of what a great personality she has, and she is beautiful. The main reason I decided to give fighting shyness another go is because I hoped to one day be her boyfriend. Although today when I heard her talking I almost felt like crawling into a corner and crying. She is getting married to her boyfriend, he proposed last week, and she said yes. I now feel more down than I ever have, I am starting to drift into depression once again. It feels like my life is pointless, she is getting married, now there is no chance of us getting together. Every girl I have ever fallen for has always been out of my reach, it has been the bane of my life. Are there any success stories, does the guy ever get the girl? As the saying goes, the good guys finish last, and I am starting to believe it is true more and more each day. Is it really worth the bother of trying to overcome shyness if all the girls I will ever fall for will be out of my reach?

OOOOWWWW!!! - I’m watching my life pass before my eyes.

I’ve felt those daggers in the heart as well - many times
- and I know just how horrible that pain is.

I’ve never had a girl within reach - hence, here I am, A Solitary Soul.

Is shyness worth beating?

That’s a question that only you can answer.

All I can offer is my own perspective on the subject.

First of all, is getting a SO for a LTR the ONLY problem that shyness
is causing you? If so, you can consider yourself fortunate - issues
created by shyness can cause A LOT more problems than JUST the inability
to get a SO. If you can gain employment, get friends that you enjoy
the company of, then you are well ahead of many other shy loserguys.

If you don’t beat it, and choose to live in “The Badlands of Solitude,”
you will have to learn some survival skills - to make some adjustments
- and those adjustments will not be made quickly and easily
- I’ve noticed that you are 17, so there will be many years
of pain and anguish ahead you before you adapt to an alternative lifestyle
that is fundamentally unnatural for a human being - Homo Sapiens is,
by nature, a social animal, and to adjust to living contrary to that
“programming” will not be an easy thing to do.

One of those survival skills is to let go of all hope of EVER getting a SO
- to come to the realization that love is something for other people,
not for misfits like me - reconciling yourself to the fact that it’s an
unrealistic expectation, and fill your life with the pursuit of
goals that are more achievable.

Another skill would be to KEEP BUSY - as long as you are preoccupied
with SOMETHING, you can use it as a diversion for all of the stuff
that you are missing out on in life. You need to have personal interests
that consume lots of time.

Another important skill would be to keep everything in perspective
- “Things could be worse.” Remember, there are many people in relationships
that have personal problems - problems stemming from their relationships
- and by remaining alone, you can dodge a lot of those problems that
other people have - divorce, worry over children, financial difficulties, etc.
On top of that, you can make life-decisions unilaterally, without regard
for the desires of anyone but yourself - you have liberties that no
person in a meaningful relationship can have.

If you make this choice, to follow this path, it will not be a pleasant
place to dwell.
... in “The Badlands of Solitude”
... a place where no flowers grow, and no birds sing
... but at least you can save yourself from the ravages of what could
be a life of unmet desires, and the horrible pain that goes with it.


Solitary Soul
all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
--------------------------------------------------------

[Naptaq]

i can not see the truth.. i do not want to see the truth.. i will blind myself.. i will not open my eyes.. i can not belive my life will go past me
why me???!!!!
fck you God.. thank you i love you, i hate you
i would like to belive that it'll all be fine, that it'll all work out well, that I will become better then i am now
i just can not see the truth, i don't want to see the truth, i will blind myself, i will not open my eyes

[shylurker]

A Solitary Soul --

There is always hope. It is better to have loved and lost to have never have loved at all.

These are common cleches, but this is what I base my life on.

I am now turning 23, last night my asshole brother said to me "I was married at your age" making fun of me because I have never been out with a guy.

It crushed my soul so badly, I could not sleep until 4am, and it still hurts me to the bone.

Of course I get consolation knowing that he is a king asshole and gets fulfillment by putting other people down, and filling up an insecurity of his own that way.

But it still hurts. It hurts when people give me an awkward look because I am 'still' single.

It hurts.

And last night, all those words you professed to Wayne about living a solitary life and making a committment to one self to give up hope, etc. --- all those words were running through my head.

When I read your post today, it has affected me profoundly as the attitude in it is the same of what I had last night.

But like I said earlier, there is always hope, and I really believe it is better to have loved and lost. That includes unrequited love. Love makes my world turn. I don't know about you. But it is what keeps my waking up every morning.

What do you think SolitarySoul? Is this false hope I carry? Am I better off making a life alone for myself, as you put it in your post. I am genuinely asking, because I am deeply pained, and if it really helps you, then maybe I should contemplate it further.

Sorry if I am not making sense, I seem to be going back and forth with my thoughts if you have noticed. But it is a confusing zone I am in. Perhaps this is where I belong.

[Nicole]

I know how you are feeling, especially in regards to "unreachable girls." In addition to being shy, I'm also gay. I had no hope of a girl ever liking me in high school because they weren't even the same sexuality as me! At 17, I was convinced I was going to be alone for the rest of my life and I had to resign myself to that fact.

That was 9 years ago, and I've had five serious relationships since then. I'm currently in a very happy one right now.

Life usually gets much better after high school. It did for me, anyway. Just work on coming out of your shell a bit more everyday, and it will get easier.

Don't lost hope. You have your whole life ahead of you!

[Nicole]

Err, that should be don't LOSE hope. (Sorry, anal retentive about spelling/grammar.)

[ASolitarySoul]

Guest-shylurker said:

A Solitary Soul --

There is always hope. It is better to have loved and lost to have never have loved at all.

These are common cleches, but this is what I base my life on.

I’ve often stated: “Nothing is certain, and anything is possible.”
... one of the philosophies that I base MY life on.

... but you need to be able to differentiate between options that
are realistic and those that are not - it’s a purely subjective evaluation,
as there are no quantitative standards, but something that has to be done
nonetheless. Life is about making choices, and those choices are made based
upon the best risk/reward ratio among all of your most realistic options,
as only YOU can make such an evaluation.

In some ways, it may be better to have never known love - to have never
been loved by anyone - if you are planning to spend a lifetime in solitude.

If you don’t know what you’re missing, then you’ll never miss it.

I am now turning 23, last night my asshole brother said to me "I was married at your age" making fun of me because I have never been out with a guy.

It crushed my soul so badly, I could not sleep until 4am, and it still hurts me to the bone.

Of course I get consolation knowing that he is a king asshole and gets fulfillment by putting other people down, and filling up an insecurity of his own that way.

But it still hurts. It hurts when people give me an awkward look because I am 'still' single.

It hurts.

I forgot to mention another important survival skill - you have to stop
caring about what other people think about you - the only thing that’s
important is what you think of yourself. You’ve stated that your brother
is a “king asshole,” so why should the opinion of an asshole make any
difference to you? ... to hell with him. Assholes can hurt you only
if you let them - don’t let them. Don’t let anyone hurt you because
of your lifestyle choices - what you decide to do with your life is
right only if YOU believe that it is.

And last night, all those words you professed to Wayne about living a solitary life and making a committment to one self to give up hope, etc. --- all those words were running through my head.

When I read your post today, it has affected me profoundly as the attitude in it is the same of what I had last night.

But like I said earlier, there is always hope, and I really believe it is better to have loved and lost. That includes unrequited love. Love makes my world turn. I don't know about you. But it is what keeps my waking up every morning.

What do you think SolitarySoul? Is this false hope I carry? Am I better off making a life alone for myself, as you put it in your post. I am genuinely asking, because I am deeply pained, and if it really helps you, then maybe I should contemplate it further.

I don’t know - I don’t know anything about you.

I’ll put my stock questions to you, as I put it to all of the newbies
that I try to get to know:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So tell us more about yourself ...

Are you in school?
... College?
... living with your parents/grandparents?
... unemployed?
... an escapee from a mental institution?
... a troll living under a bridge?

Age?

Male or female?

What are your interests? ... hobbies? ... what do you like to do for fun?

What part of the world do you live in?

Are you living in a city, a town, or an unincorporated rural area?

Do you like music? ... favorite album? ... favorite song?

Favorite singer/musical group?

Favorite movie?

What is the nature of your shyness? ... is it preventing you from achieving
your goals in life? ... what ARE your goals in life (if any)?

Have you ever been in an intimate relationship? ... still a virgin?

[Were you]/[are you] a target for bullies in school? ... held up for ridicule?

Are you over-weight? ... under-weight? ... physically disfigured?
... handicapped? ... speech impediment? ... poor eyesight (requiring thick glasses)?

Sorry if I am not making sense, I seem to be going back and forth with my thoughts if you have noticed. But it is a confusing zone I am in. Perhaps this is where I belong.

Shyness, by it’s nature, is confusing - as is most forms of aberrant states.

We’re all misfits and oddballs in here, and it’s confusing to figure us out.

We’ll just do the best we can, which is all that anyone can realistically
hope for.

... so join the club.


Solitary Soul
all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
--------------------------------------------------------

[Jarous]

Wayne,
I think I know how you feel. I too love a girl to whom I have never revealed my feelings (and never will). She's so nice and beautiful, wonderful personality, deep thinking ... Even a single of her smiles can make the worst of days bright again. I talk to her only a couple minutes a day and yes, she has a boyfriend. But that's hardly a reason to give up your life and feel sad... She's happy that way.
And so is your dream-girl. Isn't that what you want her to be? I always think that even if by some miracle I dated/married her, she could never be as happy speding her life with me.
Does her marriage prevent you from chatting with her, sharing a good laugh? Isn't that worth the 'bother' to beat your shyness. Don't take it as if you was robbed of your love. You can still give (and receive) it freely. Or is it you mistake love with lust?

I'll have to disagree with ASolitarySoul: Never give up!
Do not choose “The Badlands of Solitude.” Love truely isn't for everyone - only for the loving. Be one! Give and you shall be given!
Surely things could be worse, so can they be better. You can always part ways but remaining alone? There also are certainties - if you refuse to try, it's certain you'll never see improvemnts. And don't think *everything* is possible - I can't possibly see you happy should you give up.

The credo of the Arthurian knights says:
To love one maiden only and honor her by years of noble deeds.

What of that can't be done with her being married?

If you don't like that. I can assure you there are about 3.10^9 women - a substantial part of them single and waiting - perhaps for you. A good enough reason to overcome your shyness, isn't it?

[traveljunkie]

Wayne, wake up buddy!

From the looks of it you never even talked to this girl. Therefore, you never even knew her. Your just mourning over the fantasies in your head. How can you mourn the lose of something you never had? If its any consolation think of what she'll look like in a few years.

I had a bit of a crush on a gorgeous blue eyed blond in highschool. She came from a wealthy family and hung with the "cool crowd". I never bothered to talk to her, but then again I never lost any sleep over her.

Four years later she comes into a shop were I was working. After getting married and having two children she turned had into a real fat ass that could no longer fit into tight shorts and mini skirts, only dresses that she tried to hide in. Did I ever have a good laugh over that one. lol

Just remember appearences aren't always what they seem. Our minds can make up some real beautiful illusions. And if its the girl of your dreams your after be better preparred next time. As the old saying goes chance favors a preparred mind.

[Ghost]

traveljunkie said:

Just remember appearences aren't always what they seem. Our minds can make up some real beautiful illusions.

Next to not to give up hope, I side with travel ;D. When people are in love they tend to create all these wonderful images of their crush. You see everything through rose colored glasses. That's love: messing with your mindset and confusing. But when you get to know the person, you might get to see it in a more realistic picture of that person. Perhaps at home that person is completely different than in public. Or maybe s/he is not as sensetive or kind as you thought her/him to be...and so on.

You are only 17. I know people who are in their 20's or 30's and never had a relationship or dated.

...Ok. That didn't sounded as positive and hopeful as I thought it would My point is: you're not even a adult, what's the pressure to have a girl now? Relax...see what life has in stock. And don't worry: there are enough girls who would become serial kilers to get their hands at a nice shy guy.

Everything has already been said, I'm done

[ASolitarySoul]

Ghost said:

Next to not to give up hope, I side with travel ;D. When people are in love they tend to create all these wonderful images of their crush. You see everything through rose colored glasses. That's love: messing with your mindset and confusing. But when you get to know the person, you might get to see it in a more realistic picture of that person. Perhaps at home that person is completely different than in public. Or maybe s/he is not as sensitive or kind as you thought her/him to be...and so on.

There’s nothing worse than to have a myth explode in your face
- but the point is: He will never have the chance to find out
- it’s another opportunity lost, and who knows how long it will
be until he gets another - if ever.

You are only 17. I know people who are in their 20's or 30's and never had a relationship or dated.

I know a guy who is in his 70's and never had anything close to
an intimate relationship. He is a farmer, who lived with his mother
until she died (about 10 years ago) - and now he lives alone.

I know a guy down the road from me who is in his 30's and has also
never been in an intimate relationship.

...Ok. That didn't sounded as positive and hopeful as I thought it would My point is: you're not even a adult, what's the pressure to have a girl now? Relax...see what life has in stock. And don't worry: there are enough girls who would become serial killers to get their hands at a nice shy guy.

If only that were true - but the fact of the matter is: Most girls
want nothing to do with shy guys - you need to have some measure
of social proficiency to attract and engage a typically well-adjusted
girl in a LTR. The vast majority of the female population require
some measure of companionship with someone who can offer a social
investment to the relationship. If you are not capable of functioning
in social relationships, and you have no desire to improve your
own social proficiency, then you’ll be taking up residence in
“The Badlands of Solitude” - you better get used to it, as your options
will be extremely few and, for all practical purposes, virtually non-existent.

Shy girls have no problem getting dates (if they are at least somewhat
physically attractive), and non-shy girls want nothing to do with shy guys.

I hate to be a wet blanket, but we need a dose of reality in this thread.


Solitary Soul
all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
--------------------------------------------------------

[Ghost]

ASolitarySoul said:

There’s nothing worse than to have a myth explode in your face
- but the point is: He will never have the chance to find out
- it’s another opportunity lost, and who knows how long it will
be until he gets another - if ever.

Yeah, it is awful that a person you've been in love with marries.

You spoke of a dose reailty and in this case I want to inject a bit Yes, it's a opportunity lost, but one should not see that as the end of the world. People who loose their wife or husband don't mourn for the rest of their lifes. They go on living and learn to cope with it and in some cases remarry. With other words: if they remarry, it must mean that they have fallen in love for the second time, meaning that their first love wasn't the only one they could love ever.

You can not say that there never will be another girl, because at 17 you have in most cases still a long life ahead. Brooding over a present mistake or negativity and thinking that this was probably the last and only chance will not help to move on either. I even had to learn to stop myself from thinking ahead of me, because I was calculating all that could go wrong and would start to feel down and think it's pointless, etc.

But the most important things is to make yourself happy first, find own happiness. Otherwise a relationship might not go very well when one is stable and happy and the other is unstable and moody and broody.

I know a guy who is in his 70's and never had anything close to
an intimate relationship.

I once saw on tv twin sisters who were in their 70's and never dated or kissed or whatever and always stayed together, single.

I don't see a problem with staying single the rest of your life. If other s choose for a spouse, go ahead. But if it is just about being alone, you could live with family, take pets, live with friends, adopt children.. There are possibilities to not live alone without having a partner. But I suppose that is not a preference.

Yes, it is true that if you do not function well social, you will not do well in a relationship either, like I wrote too. That's why I don't make a point of getting a partner. I just shift my priorities and see how life goes. And I never really wanted a partner, to be honest. Maybe later, maybe not at all. We'll see.

I like shy people much more then those with confidence. Those with confidence make me feel a bit doubtful about my ability to handle such "macho's". Also, shy people boost my confidence more, because I feel confident when I am near them and shy people are usual very nice and sensetive people. If my partner would be shy I would have peace with it, as long as my partner is handy if it comes to technical problems and has a car . If I think about it that way, more people probably will. Or else I should sign me up for a cloning program .

[ASolitarySoul]

Ghost said:

Yeah, it is awful that a person you've been in love with marries.

You spoke of a dose reailty and in this case I want to inject a bit Yes, it's a opportunity lost, but one should not see that as the end of the world. People who loose their wife or husband don't mourn for the rest of their lifes. They go on living and learn to cope with it and in some cases remarry. With other words: if they remarry, it must mean that they have fallen in love for the second time, meaning that their first love wasn't the only one they could love ever.

You can not say that there never will be another girl, because at 17 you have in most cases still a long life ahead. Brooding over a present mistake or negativity and thinking that this was probably the last and only chance will not help to move on either. I even had to learn to stop myself from thinking ahead of me, because I was calculating all that could go wrong and would start to feel down and think it's pointless, etc.

I’ve often made the point in alt.support.shyness that life is about
making choices - choosing from your most realistic options,
as they are available to you. Making those choices involves the performance
of a cost/benefit analysis to some extent, with an element of risk assessment
(woe be to those who act without being fully aware as to the potential
consequences involved - those are the ones who flirt with peril
- deadly or debilitating accidents, loss of financial assets, AIDS, etc.).
As each of us place different valuations upon different benefits and
consequences, each of us will reach different conclusions as to what
is “the most viable option” as we have deemed it to be.

That’s the quandary involved with making the decision to commit to
someone in an intimate LTR - can you accept the flaws of the potential
Significant Other (SO) in order to benefit from the virtues that the
potential SO would bring to the relationship? Can the potential SO
tolerate your OWN flaws, as best as you can determine?

You may think me to be a bit cynical when I state this,
but there IS a certain element of selfishness in love.

More significantly, what are the chances that you can find someone
who is better suited to you than the one who is before you now?
What are the chances that you will NEVER find someone who can
function in a LTR with yourself (and the chances that you will
live your life alone)?

A LOT of the decision-making process would depend on how well
you can tolerate loneliness - if you are a high-level introvert
(such as myself), and you don’t have a problem with living alone
(and dying alone), then you can afford to set some fairly high
standards WRT selecting a SO.

But the most important things is to make yourself happy first, find own happiness. Otherwise a relationship might not go very well when one is stable and happy and the other is unstable and moody and broody.

Of course, but you also have to keep in mind that there WILL be times
when one or the other will BE moody and broody - life isn’t always joy
and happiness - so some of the aforementioned decision-making process
would involve the determination of the potential SO’s level of tolerance,
as they are able to deal with those “blue moods” as they occur.

Can your SO candidate pick you up when you are down?
... or will s/he go down with you, and make the situation worse?

How well can they handle adversity?

It’s an important question that should be answered
before any commitment is made.

I once saw on tv twin sisters who were in their 70's and never dated or kissed or whatever and always stayed together, single.

I don't see a problem with staying single the rest of your life. If other s choose for a spouse, go ahead. But if it is just about being alone, you could live with family, take pets, live with friends, adopt children.. There are possibilities to not live alone without having a partner. But I suppose that is not a preference.

Yes, it is true that if you do not function well social, you will not do well in a relationship either, like I wrote too. That's why I don't make a point of getting a partner. I just shift my priorities and see how life goes. And I never really wanted a partner, to be honest. Maybe later, maybe not at all. We'll see.

That’s something I forgot to mention higher up - priorities. Having goals
are all well and good, but there must be a prioritization as to which goals
are more important than others - which goals yield the greatest net benefits,
as you evaluate them to be.

For me, gaining employment doing something that I don’t hate doing
has a greater priority than getting a SO.

Have you EVER had a partner? ... a SO?

Would you care to reveal your age? ... and what part of the world you
live in (rural, urban, or sub-urban)? ... line of employment?

Do you still live with your parents?

I see that you didn’t fill out your profile.

If you don’t want to make these answers public, can you message them to me?
solitarysoul[at]ev1[dot]net


A lot about us originates within our own respective pasts
and life-circumstances.

I like shy people much more then those with confidence. Those with confidence make me feel a bit doubtful about my ability to handle such "macho's". Also, shy people boost my confidence more, because I feel confident when I am near them and shy people are usual very nice and sensitive people. If my partner would be shy I would have peace with it, as long as my partner is handy if it comes to technical problems and has a car .

What sorts of technical problems?

What kind of a car? ( ... is this a “status thing?”)

Do YOU have a car?

If I think about it that way, more people probably will. Or else I should sign me up for a cloning program .

Yeah - clone a female version of myself!

Someone once told me that “opposites attract”
- and my response was: “nonsense.”

Well, they MIGHT attract, but whether or not they could
have a viable LTR would be a matter of debate.

An integral part of love is UNDERSTANDING - the better two people
can understand each other, and the better they can relate to each other,
then the greater the likelihood that they can engage in successful
conflict resolution when those conflicts arise. The more that two
people have interests in common, the fewer the conflicts OF interests.

When the person in question is someone who is greatly different
from “the norm,” who is not one to care much for conventionality,
and has rather narrow interests, the probability of that person
ever finding a compatible SO and having a LTR is very low indeed
- and, in my case, so small as to be an unrealistic expectation.

I posted to alt.support.shyness about a year ago on this matter:
[Dream Girl] (March 2, 2003)
tinyurl.com/33dd4
[Dream Girl] (March 5, 2003)
tinyurl.com/yuagn

tinyurl.com/coua

My profile is for someone who probably exists somewhere in the world,
but it’s very unlikely that we will ever meet.


Solitary Soul
all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
--------------------------------------------------------

[Ghost]

ASolitarySoul said:

That’s the quandary involved with making the decision to commit to
someone in an intimate LTR - can you accept the flaws of the potential
Significant Other (SO) in order to benefit from the virtues that the
potential SO would bring to the relationship? Can the potential SO
tolerate your OWN flaws, as best as you can determine?

Yes. The flaws thing. That is something I worry about with friends and if I would have a partner. I think I would be more open to others "imperfections" because I would not want to be judged by my flaws. Sort of "I treat the other as I would want to be treated". That doesn't mean someone can not comment about it, or may not desire that I would improof myself. It comes down to what my SO see's as obstacles. If it is something personal, something characteristic, I doubt I will take it too well, I must admit. Self esteem is not always high up, in my case. But it is hard too say something about this matters, because every person is different. Like in it's tolerance, vitues and vices. However, in a relationship one should know and learn that you will have to cope with flaws, because no one is perfect.

You may think me to be a bit cynical when I state this,
but there IS a certain element of selfishness in love.

Oh yes, you are cycnical. Overall cycical. No question about it. But you have no doubt a reason why you are like that. And you are not always a "heavy cynic". That was not the subject. Yes, love has a selfish aspect too it, I suppose, because you want something from the ones you love too. And there are expectations. But that is natural in love. Love works both ways: giving and taking.

More significantly, what are the chances that you can find someone
who is better suited to you than the one who is before you now?
What are the chances that you will NEVER find someone who can
function in a LTR with yourself (and the chances that you will
live your life alone)?

I don't think someone would hang onto a lost love. It is tempting but that will get you nowhere. And to ponder if that love was "the one"...that is something you can't tell and have to accept. Standing still in life is not going to work, because life and time will go on without you. And if you finally decide to move on, there will be a lot of catching up to do and missing of perhaps good oppertunities. Sometimes you can't do anything about the circumstances, but if you deliberate create roadblocks for yourself...(which I tend to do).

No one can tell the future and you can't tell if you will ever find a SO or not. That is a risk you take, that's life. Brooding will only get you stuck and frustrated if it goes on too long (a familiar thing to Ghost). I don't have a very high standard for a SO, I think. But then again, I never gave it any deep thought because I am not focused on that. Humor would be important and acceptance. Those are the main two things for me, I think. But because I am not looking for a SO, I haven't thought it out.

A LOT of the decision-making process would depend on how well
you can tolerate loneliness - if you are a high-level introvert
(such as myself), and you don’t have a problem with living alone
(and dying alone), then you can afford to set some fairly high
standards WRT selecting a SO.

Living alone doesn't seem to bothersome for me (as long as I still have some contact with some people, for various reasons). In general I have developed a amount of dislike for people, thus it is something I should be able to cope with. Dieing alone, sounds sad, but I think I would be quite fine by it. The only thing I would not want is to die a nasty long taking death. But that is something no one wants.

Of course, but you also have to keep in mind that there WILL be times
when one or the other will BE moody and broody - life isn’t always joy
and happiness - so some of the aforementioned decision-making process
would involve the determination of the potential SO’s level of tolerance,
as they are able to deal with those “blue moods” as they occur. Can your SO candidate pick you up when you are down?
... or will s/he go down with you, and make the situation worse?

First, no one is perfect and anyone who is a little realistic should know that love is not always "and they lived happily ever after". Every kind of relationship has it's up's and downs and arguments. Strifing for perfection is futile. You can hope for it, but not make it the only option. Flexibility adds durability in a relationship.

My SO should have a bit of backbone, I suppose. Or at least be able to keep her/himself together when it is needed. But that person doesn't ahve to be overly tough or macho, or something like that. When you have a realtionship, it should become apparant after a while how the two of you would act upon situations. It's no telling for sure how someone would react, in most cases..I think. No, no partner for me. I prefer being single. I can't tell how I will think about it over a few years, but for now a partner would not be something I would cheer for. I prefer not to give out private info. Sorry, but I am like that and most people do not appreciate that *shrugs*. Yes, a lot of what we are today and opinions have been molded by past and circumstances.

Technical problems? I mean with computer stuff. I know people who are good with that and I know basics, but if I would have a SO it would be great if that person is handy And the car? No, not a status thing. I wouldn't care what kind of car it was: it is pure convenient and practical to have transportation.

I would not serious want a identical Ghost as SO...I am sure we would spending most time annoying each other ;D. I wouldn't say a opposite personality would be a wonderful match though. I think it is somewhere in the middle of both. But with love you can never tell

Btw, you can post your dream-SO at dating sites. The chance that someone applies to it complete is something different (you would have to edit it a bit), but trying never hurts, doesn't it?