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Post by Naptaq on Jan 28, 2004 18:53:33 GMT -5
crap. latley i've been lacking at school and im so depresed.. it's just all so fcked up right now
plus i'm like in this long long distance reletionship.. so yah i kinda have a girl friend i meet her in a chat room.. and there are just some problems with it.. im in europe she's overseas didn't see her even once.. well we talked over the phone a lil bit and that's about it.. now we're using yim so it's good... but the problem is that im not sure about the love thing (and soulitary soul* u were right she is kinda shy and well ain't exactly that pretty so yah) and well how can i be in a reletionship if i have so much shit in my head, i first be at peace at myself, but hey if i waited that long.. maybe that day never would happen.. gosh it's soo odd.. like im not sure if itr's love but well like a week ago i started saying i love you cus well she's been doing that a lot.. well yea i do love that girl, but being fair i don't think i could take care of her... how can i ever take care of a family if im like screwed up like i am..is it posible right, no metter how screwed up a person is he can still love, right?
sorry y'all for being so confused but hey arent we all?
ok enough said, chiao
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Post by spitzig on Jan 29, 2004 0:57:13 GMT -5
What do you mean, you feel like you can't "take care of her"? Financially? She might not want you to take care of her financially. In some emotional way? I'd say the most important part with that is talking openly and compassionately. I'm guessing if you love each other, you are at least somewhat capable of doing that.
I'd tend to think that a good relationship(talking openly and listening compassionately) would be more likely to help shy people, since the shy person is getting a significant amount of approval from them.
Problems could develop from insecurities about them dumping you. However, being open about these insecurities would allow the other to eliminate them and make the bond closer.
If you are not sure whether you love her, I would say it is rather rude to say you do. I see no reason that ANYONE would not be able to love, though.
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Ghost
Full Member
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Post by Ghost on Mar 4, 2004 13:46:12 GMT -5
How's it going now Nap?
I wouldn't go telling anyone I love them, if I don't know for sure I do. One of the reasons why I wouldn't start a relationship is because I want to be stable and be fairly sure of myself. Just having my life on rails.
I agree with spitzig about openess. You should be open about what you think and feel. If you don't, it could cause a road block in your relationship if you bottle your unsecurities about your relation up.
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Post by Naptaq on Mar 4, 2004 18:39:42 GMT -5
well i am doing better now not saying that 3 words anymore so yah it's kewl..
and school is school still shity.. but oh well I'll live
thanks for the notes spitzig and Ghost
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Orlando
New Member
My spelling stinks and my grammer is horrible but, what the heck, I have good health!
Posts: 16
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Post by Orlando on Mar 13, 2004 5:31:25 GMT -5
Boy, do I understand where you are coming from. My relationships with girls are the pits. To date, I have gone on three dates....I'm thirty years old. That is approximately.....one date for every ten years of my life. (That is also assuming that I first dated the day I came out of the womb. Even so, this would have been before my shyness happened so I would have talked and enjoyed myself more.)
Ghost and Spitzig are right. Be open with her. However, insensitive and say "Well, darling, you're unattractive to me." No, that would be bad. However, you can say things to her without being so direct. For example, you can write "Your friend" after each e-mail. It gives her respect to say that you are friends, not people in a very serious relationship. It still says that you would like to talk to her and share your feelings?
What do you think? -That's what I doing right now with a girl who "I like but don't like." And she still send me e-mails and I happy we are still friends, well on friendly terms!
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Post by Misha on Mar 13, 2004 8:43:33 GMT -5
If you ask me, it's kind of stupid that you consider someone that you've only met via internet, your girlfriend. You've never even seen her face once! You can't be sure that you love each other until you see each other and spend enough time together in person.
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Post by Jarous on Mar 13, 2004 10:41:24 GMT -5
If you ask me, it's kind of stupid that you consider someone that you've only met via internet, your girlfriend. You've never even seen her face once! You can't be sure that you love each other until you see each other and spend enough time together in person. That is, my friend, utter nonsense. Do you want to tell me blind people can never love somebody? The whole beauty of internet (and internet friends/dating/romance) is that it doesn't matter whether you are old or young, tall or short, ugly or beautiful, black or white ... it doesn't even matter whether you are male or female (if you disagree try to tell the difference). The only thing that's important is who you are - your opinions, outlook, personality etc. Thanks to this there could be no discrimination on the internet: you want to be an online goose - guess how wide-spread is anti-gooseism - nonexistent. The only limiting factors on the internet are your writting skills and somewhat technical know-how - but neither of them in a way that would prevent anyone from doing whatever he desires. Of course there are physical limitations of relationships - but isn't that the highest form of love? - free of lust and carnal desire? If ever you decide you lack those it's only a simple matter of getting your butt off the computer screen and arranging an 'offline' meeting. |
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Post by Naptaq on Mar 13, 2004 13:11:52 GMT -5
thanks for all your replyes.. i think writing "your friend" at the end of an email would not be so nice either..i don't know.. and i think it would be all better if I could just just visit her and then we'll see where we are.. yah sure i'de be glad to see her for real but im just afraid that i wouldn't know how to be myself i see her and i think she ain't so shy as she shaid she was.. and if i do decide to be with her im sure there will be plenty of those looks from other people.. opinions etc.. i dunno how i'll handle them.. damn im looking to far ahed lol Of course there are physical limitations of relationships - but isn't that the highest form of love? - free of lust and carnal desire? If ever you decide you lack those it's only a simple matter of getting your butt off the computer screen and arranging an 'offline' meeting. That was beutiful Jarous.. that is what is keeping me down i gues... i have found a good person by personality and such, but i gues i want(ed) that with a good physical aperence.. selfish i know.. |
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Orlando
New Member
My spelling stinks and my grammer is horrible but, what the heck, I have good health!
Posts: 16
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Post by Orlando on Mar 13, 2004 13:27:02 GMT -5
Sounds like you have a plan! Good Luck with it.  |
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Post by Naptaq on Mar 13, 2004 13:34:30 GMT -5
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Post by spitzig on Mar 14, 2004 21:40:05 GMT -5
Of course there are physical limitations of relationships - but isn't that the highest form of love? - free of lust and carnal desire? If ever you decide you lack those it's only a simple matter of getting your butt off the computer screen and arranging an 'offline' meeting. You think there's no lust or carnal desire on the net? Ever heard of cybersex? naptaqThat's not selfish. It's superficial. Most people consider that a negative, when it's extreme(like ONLY being concerned with appearance). Just consider what it means, though. You are attracted to nice physical appearances. Most humans are. There are cross-cultural physical traits that are highly ranked. This indicates biology suggests that the physical is important. But, also consider that the more traits you require of women, the less women you have available to you. So, requiring a high physical attractiveness would eliminate a lot of ideal women who are not attractive enough for you. Oddly, I'm working on a computer science thesis that actually relates to this. Oh, "your friend" sounds like a blow off to me. I'd say "I look forward to talking to you again" or some kind of compliment like that. Varying the compliment would be good, too. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Mar 15, 2004 11:39:00 GMT -5
I don't know that the highest/purest form of love is free of carnal desire. Humans are sexual by nature, so to love someone and NOT feel some lust seems less intimate in some ways.
Also, don't beat yourself up about the physical part. I've gone on lots of dates where I met the person via the Internet, and now I try to get a meeting very soon after the initial online contact. The reasons being:
a) Many people do not look in person as they seemed in their photo (and most of us post our most flattering photo!).
b) There is no predicting chemistry. So many times, I've met someone who seemed great in emails/chat, only for one or the other or both of us to discover there was no chemistry when we met face-to-face.
Lack of chemistry is no reflection on you or the person you meet; it just is.
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Post by Jarous on Mar 15, 2004 14:22:35 GMT -5
You think there's no lust or carnal desire on the net? Ever heard of cybersex? I have heard of it, I've got no idea what it is though. Whatever it may be, I don't think it can rival the real thing. |
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Post by spitzig on Mar 16, 2004 2:09:38 GMT -5
I have heard of it, I've got no idea what it is though. Whatever it may be, I don't think it can rival the real thing. Ever read a porn novel(AKA romance novel)? It's about the same, only you write parts of it, and the other responds to what you write. I've done it once. Wasn't impressed. naptaq--I don't know about you two, but most of the accents I've heard on women are a turn on. |
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Post by Jarous on Mar 16, 2004 16:31:39 GMT -5
I don't know that the highest/purest form of love is free of carnal desire. Humans are sexual by nature, so to love someone and NOT feel some lust seems less intimate in some ways. Oh, you're right, But ... I believe the one should follow only after the other has taken place - and also love without lust is understandable yet the reverse is not (for me). That makes me think as I do. Have you read Lady Chatterly's Lover by Lawrence. The story is about a young woman who marries a nobleman that goes to WWI shortly after that. Is terribly wounded and (un)fortunately survives - unable to move from waist down. The book mostly describes the woman but there are some passages dealing with her husband and how he feels with the future of no physical intimacy. He even makes her find a lover - for him sex is not what ultimately matters. You cannot help but feel sympathy with the poor man. |
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