How to make it go somewhere w/o looking desperate?

[Reflection]

I am almost positive that this guy in one of my classes has a crush on me; everyone has been telling me so, and he approaches me after class to talk to me even though we don't really know each other.

Anyway, we're in the same club together but don't really talk during meetings because he sits by his frat brothers. After class today, he said I should come to some of the stuff the club is sponsoring, which I'm planning to do, if I can get someone to come with me. I don't want to go alone and look like I have no friends. Ugh, I hate how insecure guys make me feel sometimes! I mean, normally I wouldn't give a flying poodle about going to a lecture alone but now that my crush is in the picture and will probably go, too, I feel awkward. Especially because he's ALWAYS with someone else, usually a couple of his frat brothers. Do you know how intimidating it is for me, a huge nerd, to be talking to this perfect guy who's in a frat who's always surrounded by frat guys!!!!

Also, one of the lectures that's being offered sounds really boring and it's about something I already know plenty about. So going would be a huge waste of time. But then again, if he's there and we wind up talking, maybe it wouldn't be. However, I don't wanna turn into one of those pathetic girls that only do things because of some guy. Should I go anyway? Will I look stupid if I sit by myself, especially since it's in a small room? I know for sure that no one I know will want to come with me!!! Is it dumb for me to go to something that doesn't interest me in the least just because I'm hoping a guy I like will be there? I know he'll talk to me if he is there, though...that's IF he's even there!

I only have a month left of college until summer break, so something has to happen soon or it might never happen. And don't suggest that I ask him to do something with me; there's no way in HELL! Besides, juding from his actions so far, he seems much bolder than I am.

[l0ner]

1. He's not a perfect guy. You just don't know it yet.

2. He will not care if you never show up with any friends; if he's interested in you, he's interested in YOU. He probably really won't care either way.

3. You won't seem desperate if you go to this thing. Just do it and talk to him, etc etc.

[spitzig]

If it's a lecture or something that is largely about something other than social stuff, you can spend a significant amount of time focusing on that. If it's something like a lecture, it is pretty normal to not go with friends--since it's not primarily a social thing. Talk to the guy for long enough to arrange a date. More likely, long enough to exchange phone numbers.

I'd say you would not look bad for going alone, though personally, I don't like doing this because I don't know how to get into conversations with people I don't know.

If he's telling you about stuff his fraternity is involved in without knowing you well enough to know whether you are interested in it, I'd think it's because he'd like you to be there.

What kind of lecture is his fraternity doing? I was in a fraternity as an undergrad, and I don't think any of us had any lectures for the general public. We did have a few lectures for ourselves, though.

He's not perfect, though.

[Alecto]

I agree with everyone else. Go to the lecture, its perfectly fine to go to those things alone, as spitzig said, because it isn't really a social event.

If he asked you, then he wanted you to be there. I'm sure he won't care if you have any friends that show up or not.

[CaryGrant]

Usually, when a woman likes a guy but cannot or does not want to do the proposed activity, she says "No, but..." thus leaving an opening for another activity.

For example, "I can't/don't want to go to the lecture, but I would like to go see that new movie...." Could you handle that?

Some women are more subtle, and will say, "I can't get together Friday night." An astute, confident guy will pick up on the fact that she has NOT said she wouldn't go out with him, only ruled out a particular evening, and will take that as an invitation to see if another time is a possibility. It's all in how you say it. Emphasize "Friday" and look disappointed, and most guys will realise you're giving them the green light.

Barring any of this, go to the lecture and feign falling asleep. Maybe he'll laugh and take you out. Or it will give him an excuse to "make it up" to you.

[Reflection]

Thanks, everyone, for your advice!!! I decided to go to the lecture after all. I sat by myself and felt really weird because everyone else who was there knew each other and was from the same club; it was a club that was sponsoring it, not this guy's frat, sorry for the confusion, Mr. Spitzig! And the lecture was about money management--booorrrrring, especially because I already know how to manage my money well (not to sound arrogant or anything). Anyway, I decided to wait until right before the lecture started to see if Mr. Man came. It was like 5 minutes past the scheduled time to start and he didn't come. So I figured instead of just sitting there wasting my time at some lecture that didn't interest me, I should leave. I mean, the whole point of my going was to talk to him and he wasn't there. So I left.

I'm mad because tomorrow I was supposed to see him for sure at another event but it got canceled last minute. So now I won't see him until class--grrrrr! I hope he doesn't think I'm not interested in the stuff that the club I'm in with him puts on. It's just that I've been so busy with work lately and they keep canceling everything!!!!

[Alecto]

Wow, I'm really sorry that happened. Maybe there was a reason he couldn't show. Ask him next time you see him. And see if you 2 can get together for another event sometime in the future.