it doesn't get any easier

[SAM25]

Hey, my name is Shelley and I'm from Australia. Just though I'd add a few thoughts after reading through many other comments.

I always put my shyness down to an age thing and the one thing that used to keep me going when I was growing up was that one day I would just 'snap out of it'. Strangely enough, am still waiting for that day.

I had a great guy at school and because of my shyness and insecurities lost him many years ago. I'm not so much bitter as regretful and have learned a lesson. However it is one thing to have learned a lesson, and another to change a personality that seems so ingrained in your soul.

When I finally had the revelation that nothing was going to change me apart from me, it first of all made me more aware and I guess frustrated at how I act around people and especially guys who express interest in me. It is hard to change habits and every year I seem to try that bit harder to be myself but at the same time not care what people think. Because after all - when you are happy and comfortable within yourself, people want to be around you. Tough call, but I know many of you are still in the same situation.

Sorry to ramble on - it's nice to have somewhere to put all of these thoughts.

[atvrider]

The mind likes to dwell on the negative aspects of us that are somehow wrong or not right. In doing so, your mind associates an "Identity" with your shyness. It tells you this is who you are and you can't change that, but the good news is you can . The reason that shyness is so hard to overcome is the fact that we fear changing our "Identity" and venturing off into the unknown. We fear what might come if we disassociate with our negative shyness "identity." That's one reason it is so hard to overcome. When looking your shyness fear in the face, ask yourself two questions: (1) What's the worst thing that can happen? (2) If I don't take action, what will it cost me? This amounts to the regrets in life. I shoulda, coulda, woulda, but I didn't.

[l0ner]

I had kind of been hoping that age would "cure" my shyness. I've only come to realize that it does make it worse. Well, maybe not so much age, but the lifestyles associated with older ages. Like in college, sure you're surrounded by thousands of people your own age, but what good is it when you're not kind of "forced" to interact with them like you are in high school by the way classes are structured, or by your parents when you're younger. And once you're out of college, then what? A handful of coworkers of varying ages at some job you hate can't come close to comparing to a campus full of people your own age, and you have a lot more responsibilities and hastles to deal with and eat up your time. There's less room to 'grow' out of your shyness.

Ugh, and I'm out of college in five weeks. Boo life.

[Alecto]

I had always thought that my shyness would improve with age, it does seem to keep getting worse. I really don't know how to handle it or change it

[Jarous]

When I first learned of SAD a lot of things suddenly started to make sense. A lot of old thoughts like growing out of shyness vaporised though. It is strange but I became more anxious in certain situations, because before I thought them uninteresting and superficial, but suddenly I saw I couldn't take part in them even if I wanted to.

The understanding of my acting was worth it though and in some situations I could do much better with the new knowledge.

[Irene]

I agree, Jarous. Finding out I had SAD was a little painful at first, but I realize that knowing I have it is much better. It helped me understand my reactions and behavior in certain situations, so now when I start feeling anxious I know what it is and just tell myself I can handle it (this only works sometimes though). At the same time, like you said, it is awful knowing that there are things I will probably never be able to do because of SAD.

[GreenFerret]

"I thought I would grow out of it." Exactly how I felt. Every year, every grade, I'd think maybe something had changed, and it hadn't. The worst thing is that people--especially teachers--told me over and over how I'd get better with time, and for so long I've been looking forward to that magic day. And you're right. It doesn't come. I start college in the fall, and people still tell me it'll be so different; I'll make new friends and have fun... though of course I know it's not that easy. Thank goodness my parents haven't been saying these things too much lately, because I want to cry when I hear them. I guess you guys understand the frustration!