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Post by traveljunkie on May 1, 2004 0:35:03 GMT -5
Looking back on my pile of dead relationships I find a few commen threads. I tend to find myself with loud obnoxious, sometimes overbearing women that are needy, clingy and end up being suffocating. Some of them have been very bright and others have not.
How about you all?
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Post by Bashfulme on May 1, 2004 3:42:55 GMT -5
The boyfriend I have now is the first long-term relationship I ever had. I only went out with my last bf for 2 months and a half. Both of them were/is outgoing and talkative. I don't know sometimes if I am totally satisfied with the boyfriend I have now since I can't really stand most of his friends (one of them, a very loud rude and obnoxious and arrogant person. Just tonight he told me that I was quiet and boring) but I don't really have anyone else that I can hang out with so I still hang out with them. Also, my boyfriend isn't shy and it causes problems. He isn't mean about it and tell me to get over it like some people would, but he doesn't understand it and whenever we are with a group of people, namely his friends I feel very alone since not even he will pay any attention to me even when I try to say something. I suspect my last boyfriend did not feel we were right for each other (that is what he said) because I didn't really talk very much when his friends were there and I was shy. I think that's why he broke up with me.
Sometimes I don't think that I will ever have an okay relationship. At times I feel that I'm lucky to have my boyfriend, but at other times I feel so alone that I feel that maybe he and I aren't right for each other because I'm shy and he's not at all, and we are not on the same wavelength because of this.
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l0ner
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by l0ner on May 1, 2004 11:03:56 GMT -5
The boyfriend I have now is the first long-term relationship I ever had. I only went out with my last bf for 2 months and a half. Both of them were/is outgoing and talkative. I don't know sometimes if I am totally satisfied with the boyfriend I have now since I can't really stand most of his friends (one of them, a very loud rude and obnoxious and arrogant person. Just tonight he told me that I was quiet and boring) but I don't really have anyone else that I can hang out with so I still hang out with them. Also, my boyfriend isn't shy and it causes problems. He isn't mean about it and tell me to get over it like some people would, but he doesn't understand it and whenever we are with a group of people, namely his friends I feel very alone since not even he will pay any attention to me even when I try to say something. I suspect my last boyfriend did not feel we were right for each other (that is what he said) because I didn't really talk very much when his friends were there and I was shy. I think that's why he broke up with me. Sometimes I don't think that I will ever have an okay relationship. At times I feel that I'm lucky to have my boyfriend, but at other times I feel so alone that I feel that maybe he and I aren't right for each other because I'm shy and he's not at all, and we are not on the same wavelength because of this. That post kind of depressed me. I myself am a guy, but one of the things that's kept me from ever being in a relationship (or even attempting to start one) was the fear that my non-talkativeness would be found boring and dull, by the girl as well as her friends. What the HELL do people talk about anyway?
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Post by Jarous on May 1, 2004 12:51:43 GMT -5
What the HELL do people talk about anyway? Whenever I hear a question like this I wonder if it's 'us' or 'the talking people' who I should feel sorry for.
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Post by Bashfulme on May 1, 2004 13:06:26 GMT -5
I feel more sorry for us shy people. We are the ones who are different and feel out of place. Those that talk a lot feel just fine and people don't think badly of them. Maybe they aren't always as deep as us, and they make us feel bad, but they're more happy than us and don't have to go through what we go through every day.
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Post by Nicole on May 1, 2004 13:23:38 GMT -5
Actually, I talk quite a bit once you get me going. I'm much better one-on-one than in group situations, however. In classroom group settings, I'm usually completely silent. But in social group settings, I am somewhat talkative. People sometimes tell me I'm "quiet" but I don't think anyone's disliked me for it.
I don't think there's a single way you could characterize ALL of my relationships. First girlfriend was like me (sensitive, artsy, intelligent) and we drove each other completely crazy. [At two-and-a-half years, though, it was also my longest relationship and she remains my best friend.] Second girlfriend was nothing like me - loud, talkative, extroverted - and we got along fantastically. I think we had two fights in a year and a half. Third girlfriend was extroverted, funny, flirty. We're still friends. Fourth girlfriend was shy and quiet but a definite Bad Girl. Ended extremely badly. My fifth and current girlfriend is absolutely wonderful. We get along great and have some things in common, but she is definitely NOT shy. She makes friends wherever she goes - even if it's just to take the dog for a walk. (Whenever *I* take the dog for a walk and I see a person coming, I usually head in the opposite direction.)
I think the only part of my shyness that may have bothered my girlfriends is the fact that I don't dance. (I *can't* dance.) Four of the five have loved dancing, so that's difficult. That's the only way I can think of that my shyness has caused problems. (If you could even call it a "problem.") A mild annoyance perhaps - I just let her dance with other people.
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Post by CaryGrant on May 4, 2004 12:34:24 GMT -5
I've gone for women in need of financial rescue. Then, as I started feeling better about myself (meaning I realised I was entitled to someone better), I went for women in need of emotional rescue. Now that I've learned that lesson, I seem to be attracting secure, confident, and rather young women, which I find a bit intimidating, so I'm still working on boosting my own confidence.
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Post by spitzig on May 11, 2004 12:14:59 GMT -5
I think the only part of my shyness that may have bothered my girlfriends is the fact that I don't dance. (I *can't* dance.) Four of the five have loved dancing, so that's difficult. That's the only way I can think of that my shyness has caused problems. (If you could even call it a "problem.") A mild annoyance perhaps - I just let her dance with other people. Take dance lessons? If you are willing to pay, you can get them privately. Just with an instructor or the instructor and your girlfriend.
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