too MANY guys?

[chick4christ]

This is so wierd. Even though I'm ly shy, guys seem to fall all over me. I like it, not the jerks, but it feels so good for someone who's so insecure sometimes. I'm 14. Right now, I'm going out with a guy who appears to be just as shy as I am. We weren't really friends before we started going out, so now we're just starting to get to know each other. But we can't - becasue we're both so shy sometimes we can't even hang out. We don't know what to say. We're tongue tied, and he even admits he's as shy as me. I'm homeschooled, soI only see this guy at Boy scouts, where my brother goes. ummm yeah. Should I try to hold onto this guy or do opposites attract? If I break up with him, how do I do it so I don't hurt him? I just don't know what to think or do.

[canisay182]

you should talk to him about it if you like him, break it off if you dont. and consider yourself extremley lucky that all those guys like you.

[respect the shy guy]

bluheart said:

you should talk to him about it if you like him, break it off if you dont. and consider yourself extremley lucky that all those guys like you.

Well at least that self proclaimed shy guy won the battle if he's about to lose the war...

[Cactus]

Perhaps you could just start talking about how shyness affects you. If he's shy he might be able to relate and you might both feel more comfortable with each other knowing where you stand. I realize that this suggestion may be easier said than done....

[Sweet Pea]

Wow, he admitted he was shy? You're lucky. I tried to talk to a shy guy about shyness, actually I only introduced the subject by stating that I was shy, and he got all defensive and said he wasn't shy. I was really surprised. Now I don't know how to talk to him. I guess I'll just avoid the subject of shyness when I talk to him...somehow.

Do you guys on the board ever have defensive reactions about your shyness such as denying that you are shy and trying to put forward some other explanation for your behavior? I guess the judgement of society on shy men might make it pretty hard to acknowledge your shyness to someone else?

[Cactus]

A friend of mine is shy. He admitted to me that he was all insecure about a girl he liked and he was really easygoing about it. He didn't try to hide it. Maybe it would have been different if he had been talking to the girl instead of me. Do you think that some shy guys think shyness makes them less attractive to girls?

[respect the shy guy]

Cactus said:

A friend of mine is shy. He admitted to me that he was all insecure about a girl he liked and he was really easygoing about it. He didn't try to hide it. Maybe it would have been different if he had been talking to the girl instead of me. Do you think that some shy guys think shyness makes them less attractive to girls?

I never talk to girls but from what I am reading on dating websites, ussually outgoing girls want no part of us. (shy guys) They ASSUME we are boring, have no personality, we can't handle their partying social needs, etc. On the other hand, I have read that if played right, we shy guys can use our shyness to our advantage because they might "think it is cute." Flip a coin; it's probably 50-50.

It still doesn't matter what shy guys think though because if the guy is truly shy, he will almost never have the nerve to ask a girl out. That's the way it has been with me.

[respect the shy guy]

Guest-Sweet said:

Do you guys on the board ever have defensive reactions about your shyness such as denying that you are shy and trying to put forward some other explanation for your behavior? I guess the judgement of society on shy men might make it pretty hard to acknowledge your shyness to someone else?

I used to get wicked upset when people tell me that I am shy or I never talk. It still irks me and eats me up inside. However, I like to think that I am starting to accept the fact that I am shy because it makes me feel better to respect myself.

The reason for the uncomfortableness is that admitting to being shy is like admitting fear. The last thing a shy guy wants to do is admit and show fear.

[Sweet Pea]

"The reason for the uncomfortableness is that admitting to being shy is like admitting fear. The last thing a shy guy wants to do is admit and show fear."

I hadn't really thought about it in exactly that way. Thank you. Of course, that makes sense. Males are not supposed to ever show fear of any kind. Silly in my opinion, but true enough in the society where I live, and in most societies I've ever heard of. I wish there was not so much pressure put on males that way. Seems like in the case of shy men it really backfires and pushes them deeper and deeper into themselves.

I remember when I was younger I used to tell people I wanted to be a hermit, and go live in the mountains by myself in a cave. I used to say I preferred being alone. I think I really believed it too. Now I'm a little more self-aware and realize that I don't want to be alone at all, and saying those things was just a kind of defensive screen to hide my vulnerability. But I do realize that society isn't nearly as judgemental about my shyness as it is about the shyness of men.

[respect the shy guy]

Guest-Sweet said:

"The reason for the uncomfortableness is that admitting to being shy is like admitting fear. The last thing a shy guy wants to do is admit and show fear."

I hadn't really thought about it in exactly that way. Thank you. Of course, that makes sense. Males are not supposed to ever show fear of any kind. Silly in my opinion, but true enough in the society where I live, and in most societies I've ever heard of. I wish there was not so much pressure put on males that way. Seems like in the case of shy men it really backfires and pushes them deeper and deeper into themselves.

Glad I made a difference; I had a good feeling about that statement!

Guest-Sweet said:

I remember when I was younger I used to tell people I wanted to be a hermit, and go live in the mountains by myself in a cave. I used to say I preferred being alone. I think I really believed it too. Now I'm a little more self-aware and realize that I don't want to be alone at all, and saying those things was just a kind of defensive screen to hide my vulnerability. But I do realize that society isn't nearly as judgemental about my shyness as it is about the shyness of men.

I used to think that I didn’t need a social life. I would mostly just focus on my studies but now that I graduated, I am starting to regret it. (at least just to help me socialize better to get confident enough to talk to a girl) I don’t think need many friends and I may not even need any (except for the fact that they could help me talk to women) but I don’t want to live a life without a significant other. Hopefully, someday before I decide it’s too late, I will have the courage to start talking to women.