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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 17, 2004 17:54:24 GMT -5
Hi,
I hope everyone doesnt mind that I started a new thread. I'm new here, not yet a registered member, but I certainly qualify as a "shy guy". My problem is that I have no self esteem or self confidence. I don't go out often and I don't have alot of friends. I'm too timid to go out and meet people. I'm always afraid they'll make fun of me or something. I'm even worse around girls, I don't think I've ever even talked to someone of the opposite sex before (not counting my mother, lol) I think I'm very unattractive. In fact, I'm so ashamed of my own body that I don't even wear shorts in the summertime. I feel like I don't have anything that sets me apart from other guys, and that all the other guys around me are much better than I am. Here's another weird thing about me: I've always been attracted to... umm... "chubby" girls. And I know that alot of "chubby" girls are shy and have low self-esteem, just like me. (Am I wrong to assume that "bigger" girls are more likely to be shy? please correct me if I'm wrong) which is why I think I could get along with them alot easier. I would really like to learn how to approach the girls I like. I just get too nervous, and I keep thinking that whoever I'm going to talk to won't like me, or (even worse) think I'm some gross pervert when I'm not. And even if I DO ever manage to ask a girl out, I don't have my driver's license. (Is it even possible to take a girl out without a driver's license?) I know this is a big post, and I mentioned alot of things. Please try to help me. I don't like avoiding mirrors and being sad like this all the time.
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 18, 2004 13:44:10 GMT -5
Please, any advice or comments would be appreciated.
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Post by canisay182 on Jul 18, 2004 16:05:26 GMT -5
hey. i think you should talk to the girls that you like. a lot of girls who are over weight do have low self esteem and lots of people treat them like crap (i know from experience). im about 15 pounds overweight and most guys treat me like worthless because im not thin. one guy even asked me out as a joke once. if a guy started talking to me like i was worth something it would propbably make my day (as sad as that sounds). if you ever need more advice or just someone to talk to my email is lexiwhit@aol.com. id be happy to help. good luck!! ;D
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 18, 2004 16:28:13 GMT -5
Hi, Silent Shadow. You didn't mention your age, but come to think of it, I really don't think it would matter about the drivers license. Some people choose not to drive or even own a car. I would be happy to date a guy on bike or on foot or by bus. I think we should all do our part to cut back on oil consumption and pollution anyway. If you want to ask someone out on a date that doesn't involve a car, I'd say do it! Dating existed before the automobile. About the only thing I can think of that has really hindered me in getting to know a shy man is if he just flat won't talk to me at all. Kinda hard for us to get to know each other and get more comfortable with each other then. But if you make the effort to talk to someone and find ways to let them know you're interested, you can definitely make progress. Alot of people are too modest to dress in revealing clothes, but that doesn't stop them from having relationships. I wouldn't worry about that too much. And these days alot of people have few or no friends in this rush around and work all the time society. Also, just to let you know, when a guy gets nervous around me cuz he likes me, that's actually a turn on for me. I wouldn't worry about that. Some nervousness is normal for everyone in that situation. About the chubby girls, some chubby girls/women are shy and some aren't, like everyone else. I'd suggest that you just make sure that the only reason you're interested in someone isn't because you think they have no self esteem. If you're looking for someone who is compassionate towards your situation I think that's fine. But alot of bigger women are sought out by guys who think they 'can't do better' and they aren't treated very well in those relationships. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and to be with someone who genuinely appreciates them for who they are. If you're genuinely attracted to larger females and not just trying to get over on them, then I say go for it!
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 18, 2004 19:46:19 GMT -5
Sorry, I forgot to mention my age! I'm a 19 year old canadian I don't have my driver's license because I've always been kinda afraid to drive (sounds weird, eh?) It's always bothered me because I know girls look for guys with nice, fancy cars. And I am seriously attracted to the "bigger girls" I honestly don't have the intention of treating them badly! I've always considered myself to be a "gentleman" (holding doors open for girls etc...) and I know... "nice guys always finish last" but I just think I could relate better to someone who is in a similar situation. (I can't think of many sexy, blue-eyed blondes with perfect bodies who have low self-esteem are arent wanted by the opposite sex.) I'm just afraid to look like a jerk or to be made fun of. Like I said I'm very low in the self esteem departement... and I just can't bring myself to talk to the girls I like. It's like I know ahead of time that they're not going to like me. by the way, bluheart, 15 pounds "overweight" is NOT alot, In fact that's exactly what I like ! I'm ready to love anyone that loves me back, "overweight" or not! I'm just too afraid to do anything about it! because I myself am very unattractive!
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Post by canisay182 on Jul 19, 2004 14:00:15 GMT -5
oh awesome, somebody likes me....lol. and hey, nice guys dont finish last. thats great that you treat people with respect and you open doors for girls. most girls absolutley love that. and i dont think people are going to think your a jerk, you seem really nice to me. on the driving thing, the only girls who look for guys with cars to date arent even worth going after. their usually really bitchy and spoiled. well remember that your awesome and you should feel great about yourself p.s. ive got a dumb question. im kind of an idiot about guys (sometimes). they like girls with blue eyes and blonde hair? if so i just need to lose weight i guess cause thats me. now i just have to figure out how....lol
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 19, 2004 14:26:02 GMT -5
Heheh... I guess you're right about the "spoiled girls like nice cars" things, It just seems I've always had that idea stuck in my head. I grew up always hearing the older women in my family bad mouthing men and telling each other how stupid their husbands were. I never want to be talked about like that. I rarely hear girls talk about how much they LIKE a guy. it's always: "he's so stupid! or he can't do anything right!" I guess hearing so much of that has effected me! that's why I try my best to be nice around girls. I don't want them to think I'm some stereotypical, dumb male. As for the blonde hair, blue eyes thing. It differs from guy to guy. It's just the general "sexy" thing. It would be like saying the ideal guy is tall, dark and handsome with big muscles! I guess beauty is different for everybody. People laugh at me for liking chubby girls, but it's what turns me on! I can't help it! Chubbiness is considered attractive by lots of people, it's just not the majority. Most guys prefer to chase the unobtainably beautiful, pencil-thin, perfect-breasted, barbie-doll girl that only exists in their dreams. Bluheart, I say you should stay the way you are and try to find someone who will appreciate you for who you are, instead of trying to change so you fit the discription of what people "think" is "sexy" when, in fact, beauty is subjective and it can be different for everyone. and thanks for the nice words, I'm starting to feel better all ready
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 19, 2004 15:06:19 GMT -5
oh I almost forgot: please keep posting here everybody it gives me something to look forward to!
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Post by canisay182 on Jul 19, 2004 15:09:05 GMT -5
its nice to know at least some guys dont go for the "perfect" girls. my town must have more jerks than other places cause here unless your thin guys either dont talk to you or torture you. if you dont treat girls like that then you probably wont have people talking about you in a negative way. the only guys i talk about like that are my father and those guys at school that are jerks, but they deserve it. girls usually only talk about guys that they like with their friends when no one else is around, so you probably wont here that much. but we do like guys (the nice ones), so keep being nice ;D
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Post by canisay182 on Jul 19, 2004 15:28:47 GMT -5
hey if any1 is on here go to the chatroom cause im really bored and would love to talk to someone
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Post by GreenFerret on Jul 19, 2004 15:58:22 GMT -5
Hello. I'm unattractive too! Yay! Although I wanted to point out that your "unattractiveness" could be all in you head. You have to watch some people on this site: they say they're ugly and horrible, but I've visited a couple of websites in the profiles, expecting to find compatriots in the Ugly League, and have instead seen people of generally above-average (read "good") looks. A lack of self esteem does make a lot of difference in how you look in your mind. But if you decide you really are unattractive, you've got company. I've got one eye that closes more than the other and looks sleepy, which combined with my cheek-bone-less face and small chest, does not equal beautiful. Oh yes; aren't genetics fun?
Ok, but now to the point: I just wanted to second the advice that you go ahead and say something to the girls you like. I'm not overweight, but I am shy. And I know that having a guy say even the dumbest thing to me makes me feel really good.
Like today: it was after driver's ed (I'm scared to drive, too, by the way) and I was waiting in the lobby with my sister, and this guy from class came up and just asked us if we were waiting for a ride. Then he complemented the art my sister had put on her purse, and then he said good-bye! That was it. So simple, and yet it felt good to be paid attention to, even if he may have directed his attentions more at my sister (we are both shy much of the time, by the way.) So you can probably say just about anything to those girls and make them feel good.
I also want to agree on two points of attractiveness: first, that nice guys finish first in my book, as long as they're not also really submissive to everyone else's whims; and second: that a little reticence and nervousness would actually be attractive in a guy who seemed to like me (although this scenario has never played out, so I can't be too sure).
Just one more bit of advice: if you are one of those people who, (like me and a lot of people on the eye contact thread), has trouble with eye contact, I suggest you make sure you're not staring at her when you approach her. I think it'd be better to make too little than too much eye contact in this case. I know that personally, I get very nervous if someone stares at me, and often end up feeling uncomfortable around them. There's one guy I once knew in school... He was very nice, but what first comes to mind when I remember him are those staring eyes!
Just one last thing: I don't think the majority of women talk about their men with such venom. If you find a girl as nice as you say you try to be, I doubt such gossip would ever have you as its subject. ^ ^)
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 19, 2004 20:41:45 GMT -5
Wow, I can't believe so many people are posting here trying to help me out. I'm very flattered GreenFerret brings up alot of good points. I probably should talk to the girls I like, even if not to ask them out, at least I could make them feel better about themselves. Maybe it would show the chubbier girls that they can still be as attractive and beautiful as the other girls. I had no idea that, as a guy, I had this power to make girls happy (can you tell I'm new to this whole dating thing?) My problem is that sometimes I just feel like I'm worthless and I don't deserve to be loved. I try my best to stay positive, but it's tough. I grew up with a family who had an attitude similar to: "you don't need friends, just concentrate on your school work." I know they were probably just looking out for what was best for me, but I'm older now and I feel like I'm entitled to a little more freedom. I've never really had the chance to express my real feelings to anyone. I've always just kept to myself, because that's what everyone around me wanted me to do. But I think I'll try harder to get my self confidence up, (you guys are a BIG help, getting advice from girls is alot more helpful than advice from guys who don't really understand my problem) All I got to do now is find a place where I can MEET girls... (I'm obviously not a great social person, so I don't go to parties or whatever, and without a driver's license I'm kind of limited) Thanks again for all the help! you're all very sweet! and don't worry about being "unattractive" GreenFerret, so what you have a "lazy-looking" eye! big deal! I have some crooked teeth but they can still chew! just for the record, I've never seen a girl I didn't like all girls are cute in their own way PS: I can private message my pic to anyone who wants to see.
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Post by canisay182 on Jul 20, 2004 0:59:01 GMT -5
Wow, I can't believe so many people are posting here trying to help me out. I'm very flattered were all happy to help. im going to be a psychologist so i need some "practice patients". lol. you should join shy united cause most people here will give you good advice, plus were all sympathetic to each other (and its free too. free stuff is awesome..lol). feel free to private message me any time if you want to. ive got no life so it will give me something to look forward to...lol i have that problem too, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that EVERYONE deserves to be loved and treated with respect. especially you. it seems hard to believe at first for people (like me) with low self esteem but after a while you start believing it. whenever you find yourself thinking about yourself in a negitive way tell yourself that your great and you deserve to be loved and feel good about yourself. i did it for like a week and i felt way better, unfortunatley i dont have enough persistance to keep it up very well. im trying though. thats awesome, i didnt know guys were this nice. ive had bad experiences with guys so i dont exactly have the best opinion of them. my town must have really gotten cheated out of the nices ones. lol.
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Post by Silent Shadow on Jul 20, 2004 12:05:12 GMT -5
my town must have really gotten cheated out of the nices ones. lol. it sure seems that way! but don't worry, there's nice guys everywhere, they're just not in plain sight. You kinda have to go out of your way to look for them
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Post by SilentShadow on Jul 20, 2004 18:33:57 GMT -5
Alright, I am know an official member of SHY United Greetings to everyone! Hello, Bonjour!
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