|
|
Post by Nadine on Aug 17, 2004 6:22:06 GMT -5
Relationships..... well here it goes................  I have a physical disabilite(partly why im shy) but not mental and I am 16 years old. I would like to be in a realtionship but because of my disabilite the guys in certain classes can be rude and mean. A friend tolled me this is because teenagers (13-16) people do not know how to handly people witha disability , so they act arward around people like me. But then there suppost to grow out of this behavoure in later years. Is this true? I'm just afraid that I will never be asked out on a date. Thankyou for you replies. Ps. Mind my spelling |
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Aug 17, 2004 16:38:52 GMT -5
There are some psych majors on this site; I hope they help you out. I think that the teenage years are a time of finding one's place in the group AND individuation. Many teens are so desperate to fit in with a group that they'll do things that are cruel or stupid. Outrageous fashions, piercings, tattoos - all of which scream LOOK AT ME - I'M DIFFERENT, yet also identify the teen with a certain similar group, would be examples.
Anyway, I think that this desire to fit in leads teens to fear anything - and anyone - different, even to the point of ostracising those who are different. High school is extremely cliquey for this reason.
So, I suspect you may get several kinds of guys who will ask you out:
1. Assholes, looking for an easy lay. Sorry to be blunt, but be careful. This includes people whose self-esteem is so low that they see you as an easy target. They may not like you for you, but because you are less threatening.
2. More mature guys, who are NOT threatened by your difference. These guys are more impressed with the kind of person you are. Unfortunately, these kinds of guys (and girls) are in short supply in high school, so again, be careful.
(By careful, I don't mean be highly suspicious and negative, but take things slowly, to give the person a chance to reveal his true character. Any guy who won't wait a bit to get to know you before getting intimate...only wanted sex, anyway.)
|
|
|
|
Post by Kitten on Aug 17, 2004 21:16:10 GMT -5
I think that the teenage years are a time of finding one's place in the group AND individuation. Many teens are so desperate to fit in with a group that they'll do things that are cruel or stupid. Outrageous fashions, piercings, tattoos - all of which scream LOOK AT ME - I'M DIFFERENT, yet also identify the teen with a certain similar group, would be examples. Psych major here-- that pretty much nails it on the head. The teenage years are all about simultaneously trying to form thier own identity while desperately wanting to fit in with a certain, or even any group. I remember my teenage years being constant turmoil. If you're too "different", you tend to stick out, and most teens and pre-teens aren't secure enough in themselves to realize that not everyone is going to be the way you want them to be. A lot of kids aren't mean at heart but do it because they don't want to go against the group. Yeah, most people do grow out of it because they have much more to worry about than what someone's wearing or any physical disability. Some never do. Pretty soon you'll be out of high school, and you'll probably never see most of those people again anyway. They're insignificant. |
|
|
|
Post by Max Power on Aug 25, 2004 16:43:20 GMT -5
Personally, I think that if you are a pretty cool girl, which I can tell that you are, then all you have to do is show everyone your true self. I have seen less attractive, obese, handicapped, or "whatever" date and even marry the man/woman of their dreams because they did not let their disabilities/looks get the best of them. It's not about your handicap, it's all about the person you are dealing with. And if they don't want to go out with you because you're handicapped, then they don't deserve you.  I have faith in the human race that there are plenty of boys who would go out with you no matter what. Just show 'em what you got, kiddo!  You may get frustrated along the way, and you may run into stumbling blocks, but trust me, from experience, things will go in your favor. And most importantly, have a positive attitude. People get turned off by bad attitudes more than disabilities. Remember, nobody is perfect, weather it's being handicapped, obese, pimples, a big rainbow colored afro, ect. I know you're in the stage of your life where kids can be mean, but not all of them. You'll find him. He's out there. Just don't let your handicap get in the way, and by that I mean don't make it a huge issue and don't let it dominate your surroundings. And you're only 16. You've got plenty of time. Good luck!  I hope some of what I said made sense or was on the ball.  |
|
|
|
Post by Pilatesgirl on Aug 31, 2004 13:57:08 GMT -5
This is very true. I just would like to add some... I have a friend who is half-blind and very limited in activities. She was seeing another friend of mine (a guy). Actually, he is a great, honest guy and that is why I introduced him to her. Of course, he knew she was handicapped, before actually meeting her. They are now friends. They never developped a romantic relationship. I have heard the story behind it from both parties----- She said: He is not interested in me because I am blind. He said on our first date that he wouldn't be able to be around me as much as I want him to be. He said: If only she was able to speak without inserting such words as "sxxt" or "fxxk" every 5 seconds..... I am not used to hanging out with people with that language.... Nadine, when you become older, you will meet a lot of people to whom your disability is not an obstacle to liking you. However, those people may or may not be interested in you in a romantic way for many many different reasons... just like everyone else's cases. If and when you have to go through "rejection," in the future (... maybe 5 years later? )please remember that, and do not always hold it against your disability. I don't want you to be in my (girl) friend's position above. (I am NOT saying you are blaming your disability for everything now ---- please don't get me wrong. I am just pointing out a future pitfall. ) Well, right now, yeah, teenage boys are often like that... f them. |
|
I have faith in the human race that there are plenty of boys who would go out with you no matter what. Just show 'em what you got, kiddo! 
You may get frustrated along the way, and you may run into stumbling blocks, but trust me, from experience, things will go in your favor. 
