Older guys

[sasyjenn]

So i met this guy who is 27 (turning 28 soon) and i am 23 (turning 24 soon). We had our first date last saturday or so i figured it was a first date. Anyways we hit it off right away and we have a lot of the same things in common like how we eat, which hockey team we both like etc. Well i guess we both felt comfortable and ended up making out (i hope this doesnt make me slutty or anything).
Anyways, what my question is, is how do you know that a guy is only interested in one thing....Sex? I thought i could read guys but last year i went out with an older guy and he only wanted sex and i figured he wanted a relationship until he came out and told me he just wanted sex. I don't want to be some guys "hookup", i want a relationship and i dont want to be used either. Im at that point in life where i know what i want i guess. I know im still young but i hate being the only one of my friends not in a relationship. Anyways I just want to know how do i know exactly that hes not going to use me?

[Sweet Pea]

sasyjenn said:

So i met this guy who is 27 (turning 28 soon) and i am 23 (turning 24 soon). We had our first date last saturday or so i figured it was a first date. Anyways we hit it off right away and we have a lot of the same things in common like how we eat, which hockey team we both like etc. Well i guess we both felt comfortable and ended up making out (i hope this doesnt make me slutty or anything).
Anyways, what my question is, is how do you know that a guy is only interested in one thing....Sex? I thought i could read guys but last year i went out with an older guy and he only wanted sex and i figured he wanted a relationship until he came out and told me he just wanted sex. I don't want to be some guys "hookup", i want a relationship and i dont want to be used either. Im at that point in life where i know what i want i guess. I know im still young but i hate being the only one of my friends not in a relationship. Anyways I just want to know how do i know exactly that hes not going to use me?

well, i guess the only practical way to find out what his intentions are is to wait a good long while before having sex. players lookin' for a quick lay won't stick around long. they tend to be very impatient and focused on what they really want. i wouldn't hesitate to ask him straight out what his intentions are, but just realize not everyone will be honest. in the meanwhile, make sure you don't do alot of teasing which could build a sense of entitlement. just take your time getting to know each other and enjoying each others' company. that's usually enough to dissuade the insincere suitors from hanging around.

[carboncopy]

sasyjenn said:

So i met this guy who is 27 (turning 28 soon) and i am 23 (turning 24 soon). We had our first date last saturday or so i figured it was a first date. Anyways we hit it off right away and we have a lot of the same things in common like how we eat, which hockey team we both like etc. Well i guess we both felt comfortable and ended up making out (i hope this doesnt make me slutty or anything).
Anyways, what my question is, is how do you know that a guy is only interested in one thing....Sex? I thought i could read guys but last year i went out with an older guy and he only wanted sex and i figured he wanted a relationship until he came out and told me he just wanted sex. I don't want to be some guys "hookup", i want a relationship and i dont want to be used either. Im at that point in life where i know what i want i guess. I know im still young but i hate being the only one of my friends not in a relationship. Anyways I just want to know how do i know exactly that hes not going to use me?

First question is - did you already sleep with him? If you did then you pretty much have your answer. Guys who look for long term relationships typically want to take it slow because they cherish the prospect of being with someone they deem special.

Second question - do you know anything about his past? How many girlfriends did he have previously and how often did he go from one to another? It probably isn't something you want to ask straight up though. He could take offence to that even if his intentions are pure.

[sasyjenn]

carboncopy said:

sasyjenn said:

So i met this guy who is 27 (turning 28 soon) and i am 23 (turning 24 soon). We had our first date last saturday or so i figured it was a first date. Anyways we hit it off right away and we have a lot of the same things in common like how we eat, which hockey team we both like etc. Well i guess we both felt comfortable and ended up making out (i hope this doesnt make me slutty or anything).
Anyways, what my question is, is how do you know that a guy is only interested in one thing....Sex? I thought i could read guys but last year i went out with an older guy and he only wanted sex and i figured he wanted a relationship until he came out and told me he just wanted sex. I don't want to be some guys "hookup", i want a relationship and i dont want to be used either. Im at that point in life where i know what i want i guess. I know im still young but i hate being the only one of my friends not in a relationship. Anyways I just want to know how do i know exactly that hes not going to use me?

First question is - did you already sleep with him? If you did then you pretty much have your answer. Guys who look for long term relationships typically want to take it slow because they cherish the prospect of being with someone they deem special.

Second question - do you know anything about his past? How many girlfriends did he have previously and how often did he go from one to another? It probably isn't something you want to ask straight up though. He could take offence to that even if his intentions are pure.

No i didn't sleep with him, im not like that at all, i couldn't i respect my body enough not to jump into bed with some guy i hardly know anything about.

I don't know how many girls he has slept with, he did mention that he never really had sex until he was 18. And i know he hasn't had a gf since last August as she was too young for him and kind of clingy in the end or he knew that she wasn't right for him.

Last week we were talking and i have no idea how we got onto the subject of Sex and hes like well i don't plan things out, well no one does when it comes to sex, its one of those things it happens.

I guess the reason i have doubts is because i dont want to get hurt as i have many many times in the past by guys as well and also i over think things especially guys. I miss having a relationship but i dont want to get hurt in the end either.

[carboncopy]

sasyjenn said:

No i didn't sleep with him, im not like that at all, i couldn't i respect my body enough not to jump into bed with some guy i hardly know anything about.

I don't know how many girls he has slept with, he did mention that he never really had sex until he was 18. And i know he hasn't had a gf since last August as she was too young for him and kind of clingy in the end or he knew that she wasn't right for him.

Last week we were talking and i have no idea how we got onto the subject of Sex and hes like well i don't plan things out, well no one does when it comes to sex, its one of those things it happens.

I guess the reason i have doubts is because i dont want to get hurt as i have many many times in the past by guys as well and also i over think things especially guys. I miss having a relationship but i dont want to get hurt in the end either.

It sounds cautiously optimistic then. You can't be sure, but there is nothing wrong with giving it a chance. You do need to understand though that whenever you enter a relationship there is a very good chance that you will get hurt at some point. It's just a part of the human condition that the positive experiences are always mixed with hurt and sorrow. Don't let it stop you from living your life though and consider the fact that events like that will serve as reminders that you actually "lived" your life instead of remaining passive.

[Astroruss]

Makes a lot of sense, that you don't want to get hurt by this guy. So, if you don't want to get hurt, keep your shields up. Over time, gradually open up to him, and share personal info with each other.

Like the others said, if he's interested in you as a person and not just as a female, then he will want to be with you in other circumstances than the bedroom.

[ty78]

4 years really isn't that much older than you. How does getting used for sex have anything to do with older guys in general? They might be abit better at acquiring it but young men are just as bad or worse.

[sasyjenn]

ty78 said:

4 years really isn't that much older than you. How does getting used for sex have anything to do with older guys in general? They might be abit better at acquiring it but young men are just as bad or worse.

I know that 4 years isnt that much older, and for that i am happy about as younger guys are immature. Well the reason i started this topic is because mostly with older guys, that i have met, they seem to only be interested in Sex. I never said all older guys are like that but when there older and are not married, you kind of wonder why not saying that every guy has to be married but everyone has there reasons. And i do not want to be used just for sex maybe once and then feel disgusting about it. Im cautious as it is, i just wanted some advice thats all, which im sure many people do especially when they feel that they dont really have anyone to talk to.

Thank you to everyone else for the advice, i'm just going to take it slow and watch but im going to enjoy my life too as i am young and want to have fun. But with any relationship there are ups and downs. Plus i guess if i keep thinking i am going to get hurt then maybe it will happen.

[pnoopiepnats]

sasyjenn said:

I know that 4 years isnt that much older, and for that i am happy about as younger guys are immature. Well the reason i started this topic is because mostly with older guys, that i have met, they seem to only be interested in Sex. I never said all older guys are like that but when there older and are not married, you kind of wonder why not saying that every guy has to be married but everyone has there reasons. And i do not want to be used just for sex maybe once and then feel disgusting about it. Im cautious as it is, i just wanted some advice thats all, which im sure many people do especially when they feel that they dont really have anyone to talk to.

Thank you to everyone else for the advice, i'm just going to take it slow and watch but im going to enjoy my life too as i am young and want to have fun. But with any relationship there are ups and downs. Plus i guess if i keep thinking i am going to get hurt then maybe it will happen.

If you don't want to be used for sex, my advice is to keep your legs crossed and don't have sex.

If you let a virtual stranger feel you up and have sex right away, you will be used.

[annaa]

It's difficult to find the right balance.
On one hand, you can't judge people by what others have done to you in the past. But, you've got to trust your intuition too.
From what i've read on this thread, the guy you're talking about seems to be quite genuine (and as people have already said, there's not much of an age gap really). I hope it works out for you.

[Sweet Pea]

yeah, best to get 'em young...before they get old and bitter.

[annaa]

sweetpea said:

yeah, best to get 'em young...before they get old and bitter.

Actually I was saying "get an old guy". He'll be grateful for what he can get (he'll have low standards) and he won't be immature.
Win win!

[Sweet Pea]

annaa said:

sweetpea said:

yeah, best to get 'em young...before they get old and bitter.

Actually I was saying "get an old guy". He'll be grateful for what he can get (he'll have low standards) and he won't be immature.
Win win!

omg! you don't know much about men, do ya? lol ;D

ps - that previous post wasn't really directed at anyone in particular.

[pnoopiepnats]

sweetpea said:

annaa said:

Actually I was saying "get an old guy". He'll be grateful for what he can get (he'll have low standards) and he won't be immature.
Win win!

omg! you don't know much about men, do ya? lol ;D

ps - that previous post wasn't really directed at anyone in particular.

Actually people do get more selective as they get older. They don't really need a partner and aren't desperate for one like many young people are so they can afford to be more picky.

Now aging men can get quite ridiculous though. They have trouble dealing with getting older and don't want to face it. Men tend to be bitter about divorces etc. They surely the hell wouldn't want to date someone around their own age because eee gads they are OLD! (just like themselves) lol So if they are 50, they put some age range like 22 to 39 ;D.

Women tend to age better than men and tend to take care of themselves more. Yes maybe women might look more wrinkled and saggier but are generally in better health overall.

I know young people don't understand the oldies lack of desperation for love but that is because the youngins know they themselves are desperate as they haven't had the life experience and think eeww gross they are old and ugly now and nobody would want them so they must be desperate; but no, it doesn't work that way.

[pnoopiepnats]

oh yeah and 27 is quite ancient...near death bed. ;D