alone

[slylikeafox]

I don't think I would ever be happy being a very social person. Parties are just not for me, because I would find them boring even if people didn't make me nervous. Malls also bore me to death. I would rather be going on adventures in the outdoors. Drinking does nothing for me and bars don't really interest me anyway.

I try to talk to the guys at work and do stuff with them outside of work, but we have nothing in common. One guy wants to go fishing, but I'm afraid that we will have nothing to talk about if we go and it will be awkward(I plan on trying anyway).They all like sports and I know nothing about the current events in sports. I'm not that interested in sports, but I would rather be playing sports than watching other people play sports on t.v. To me cars and trucks are just transportation, which makes even fewer things I have in common with most men.

The problem is this makes it hard for me to meet friends and girlfriends. I don't seem to come across many girls in the outdoors and when I do they always seem to have a boyfriend. I go to places like libraries, but I usually just find the books I want and leave. I think it would be weird to stick around and read books, just in the hopes I might meet a girl, when I prefer to read at home(I have a hard time staying in the story when there are people around me).

All of the dating advice I find online for men seems to be about how all men should want to be players. I'm more interested in quality than quantity when it comes to women. Everyone always seems to be interested in sex. Maybe all the ideas I have about love are nothing more than fantasy from reading and watching way too much fiction.

I'm a very independent person and it is hard for me to understand how some people need to have other people around for everything they do. People always seem shocked when they find out all of the things I do alone. Some of my activities they even think are dangerous alone, like kayaking, but I'm not going to stop having fun just because nobody wants to go with me.

I don't really want to change who I am just to make other people happy, but if I continue the way I'm going it looks like I'm always going to be a lonely person. I don't know if anyone can give any advice, but I feel better getting this off my chest.

[Sweet Pea]

slylikeafox said:

I don't think I would ever be happy being a very social person. Parties are just not for me, because I would find them boring even if people didn't make me nervous. Malls also bore me to death. I would rather be going on adventures in the outdoors. Drinking does nothing for me and bars don't really interest me anyway.

I try to talk to the guys at work and do stuff with them outside of work, but we have nothing in common. One guy wants to go fishing, but I'm afraid that we will have nothing to talk about if we go and it will be awkward(I plan on trying anyway).They all like sports and I know nothing about the current events in sports. I'm not that interested in sports, but I would rather be playing sports than watching other people play sports on t.v. To me cars and trucks are just transportation, which makes even fewer things I have in common with most men.

The problem is this makes it hard for me to meet friends and girlfriends. I don't seem to come across many girls in the outdoors and when I do they always seem to have a boyfriend. I go to places like libraries, but I usually just find the books I want and leave. I think it would be weird to stick around and read books, just in the hopes I might meet a girl, when I prefer to read at home(I have a hard time staying in the story when there are people around me).

All of the dating advice I find online for men seems to be about how all men should want to be players. I'm more interested in quality than quantity when it comes to women. Everyone always seems to be interested in sex. Maybe all the ideas I have about love are nothing more than fantasy from reading and watching way too much fiction.

I'm a very independent person and it is hard for me to understand how some people need to have other people around for everything they do. People always seem shocked when they find out all of the things I do alone. Some of my activities they even think are dangerous alone, like kayaking, but I'm not going to stop having fun just because nobody wants to go with me.

I don't really want to change who I am just to make other people happy, but if I continue the way I'm going it looks like I'm always going to be a lonely person. I don't know if anyone can give any advice, but I feel better getting this off my chest.

i can relate to all of this, and that's probably why i am alone.

[HybridMoment]

It's hard being an introvert trying to find other introverts that like being around people only ocasionally, but the fishing trip sounds like a good start.

Many people go fishing alone (I always go fishing by myself) and even the ones that go with people usually like peace and quiet.

[gaz]

I can relate to this. All the people i know who are around my age are into bars, parties and clubs, but i never feel at ease in these places so i feel alienated and alone.

[slylikeafox]

Thanks, I think I'm going to have to come to terms with it or try harder to find others who share my interests.

[annaa]

You sound like a similar person to me. I can relate to what you're saying.
I think you should just stick at what you're doing. I know it might frustrate you at times but there's no point in comprimising who you are just to find a girlfriend... you had it right when you said that you don't want to change to make other people happy.

[Naptaq]

Well it does seem like you want to change so maybe you can change. All you need is a desire to change. I think that's what it boils down to. If you're like "oh it would be great for me to be more social.." but you don't do anything about it, then, you know, suit yourself man.

Ironic but I could say the same thing to myself. I'm too comfortable in my place to "risk" change lol. The frustration is building up and someday, I think, I'm gonna snap and do something or die.

I think those who succed are the ones that just get so disturbed about being alone that they go out and find something that'll help them, no matter what. And then they grab on to those self-help techniques and quotes and accept their fear and have the courage to do things despite their fear.

I admire those people man. They got some cojones..

[strawberrysweetie]

First off, I think it's awesome that you do have your own hobbies that you enjoy and do them in spite of having no one to share them with.

Secondly, I think it's great that you want to be true to yourself and not just act like everyone else. It makes you more unique, anyway.

As for developing relationships...I wish I had advice for you. But, if you are out at least doing SOMETHING...you never know. And if you're not scared of finding someone online with similar interests, then maybe that would work for you. I don't know. I just know that putting up a false image of oneself would not be fair to either you or the other person.

[Sweet Pea]

strawberrysweetie said:

First off, I think it's awesome that you do have your own hobbies that you enjoy and do them in spite of having no one to share them with.

Secondly, I think it's great that you want to be true to yourself and not just act like everyone else. It makes you more unique, anyway.

As for developing relationships...I wish I had advice for you. But, if you are out at least doing SOMETHING...you never know. And if you're not scared of finding someone online with similar interests, then maybe that would work for you. I don't know. I just know that putting up a false image of oneself would not be fair to either you or the other person.

yeah, maybe we should all just create profiles that say 'i'm a loser! wanna go out?' LOL ;D

[iroseiroared3]

I feel like a lot of what you said was describing myself. I don't do the outdoors too much, but I'd like to maybe a little bit more, at least more than when I was younger. I agree with you about the parties, bars, drinking - all not for me.

I also get people not believing how I could have done the things I do by myself. I travel a lot by myself, and people can't believe it, ask why, sometimes think it's dangerous, etc.

I'm sure you can find someone, I mean, I actually wish there were more men like you out there, and I'm sure other people on here feel the same way, cuz we can relate to you.

See, you're not that weird! hehe

[Sweet Pea]

iroseiroared3 said:

I also get people not believing how I could have done the things I do by myself. I travel a lot by myself, and people can't believe it, ask why, sometimes think it's dangerous, etc.

yeah, i've gotten that kind of reaction a lot too. but if i want to do something, and there's nothing stopping me (like money, responsibility for children, etc.), i'll just...do it. ;D

[audioalone]

Not that I travel much, but I, too, travel alone because I AM alone.

I've gone into bars, well shock upon shock! lol! but only because I like to sing. If there were no chance to sing (karaoke), I would never go into a bar.

I also am predominantly an introvert, and do most/all of my activities alone. It is more fun to actually participate in sports, than to watch them, I have to agree with you, sly. (Not that I do a lot of sports, bowling once in a while)

I can relate to you in some of the other things you mentioned also. It is sometimes hard to fathom why some people have to be around other people to do things or activities. And I am quality-oriented also (on the whole). I spend a great deal of time at the library, but only to do tangible things, like read, or come online (as I don't own a home computer).

I don't go to the mall unless I have a plan in mind to purchase a specific item or items. And it's hard waiting for the bus, people out talking and/or smoking, etc. There's been times (mostly during the summer or early fall) that I didn't bother to wait for the bus, but just walked home. It's usually only fatigue/body soreness that keeps me waiting for the bus to get back home again.

[slylikeafox]

I'm glad some other people have similar feelings about life. I was kind of embarrassed after posting this topic.

Naptag, thats kind of how I got to the point where I am now. I was fed up with the way my life was going and decided to change it. Before I wasn't functional in society(didn't want to leave the house), but now I'm functional(have a job, go to college, etc). I would like to be more than functional though. The problem is I seem to have reached my limit or lost my motivation. I don't like to believe in limits, so I'll go with lack of motivation.

So far all of the men I've met in person seem to be only interested in sports and cars. Some of them are also interested in things like fishing, but I seem strange when all I talk about is fishing(fishing is also starting to die as an interest for me). but Pretending to be interested in sports and cars would be going against who I am. I need to find a happy medium. Only place I've been able to find people who share my interests is online.

I'm in the process now of trying to think of ways to get off my plateau. One thing I've been working on is confidence, but I just doesn't seem to work when around actual people. I'll tell myself that I'm not going to do something(like put myself down around other people, cower, deliberately say something stupid for attention, avoid eye contact, etc), but soon find myself back to my old ways. I'm not planning on giving up though.

[MrNice]

I'm a very independent person and it is hard for me to understand how some people need to have other people around for everything they do.

but wouldn't you rather do these things with other people that also enjoy it?
people take their friends for granted - thats why they are surprised by what you do alone - because it doesn't make sense to do something like that alone if you do have someone to share the experience with

I mean given a choice to go kayaking with someone whose company you enjoy or alone what would you do?