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Post by Silent Observer on Feb 26, 2003 22:56:05 GMT -5
In reply to alex: I get soooooooo annoyed when people ask me howcome i dont talk to anybody, and annoying when people comment that im quiet.I know how you feel. This experience is my first in awhile. My office had a staff meeting to get acquainted with the new head cheese. Since "Ted" had worked here before, he looked around and wondered if anyone did not know him. My boss indicates me, and Ted tells the entire room that I am the quiet one. He makes a joke about a woman coworker saying before that she was the quiet person, with chuckles all around. I am not angry that this occurred, but I'd rather not be put on the spot. It would not bug me as much if I wasn't the last person to come, but that would make me stick out as the only person not making small talk while waiting for the meeting to start. KC, posting from work too
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Feb 26, 2003 23:31:32 GMT -5
INow that obviously shows that not everyone is going to like us and we really should just try to concentrate on the people that do, instead of worrying about the people that don't. Exactly. I guess we are just people-pleasers. We want peopel to like us and if they don't we assume it is something we have done when perhaps it wasn't.
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ian
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Post by ian on Feb 27, 2003 21:06:23 GMT -5
Exactly. I guess we are just people-pleasers. We want people to like us and if they don't we assume it is something we have done when perhaps it wasn't. Tiff, it is hard sometimes, isn't it? In the past, if someone didn't like me, I really took it to heart, and worried that it must have been something I said or did. Im trying to change all that, however. In future I'll just try to be the best person I can be and if someone doesn't happen to like me, then that's their problem, not mine.
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dude
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Post by dude on Feb 28, 2003 18:51:45 GMT -5
ok this is bad, but, youre supposed to look people in the eye when you talk to them, right? It IS the normal thing to do, and if you dont, it means youre weak, right?
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ian
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Post by ian on Feb 28, 2003 21:17:07 GMT -5
ok this is bad, but, youre supposed to look people in the eye when you talk to them, right? It IS the normal thing to do, and if you dont, it means youre weak, right? I think it's just a sign that you lack confidence, and believe me, you're not alone there! I know the feeling very well indeed!!!
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Feb 28, 2003 22:39:12 GMT -5
Tiff, it is hard sometimes, isn't it? In the past, if someone didn't like me, I really took it to heart, and worried that it must have been something I said or did. Im trying to change all that, however. In future I'll just try to be the best person I can be and if someone doesn't happen to like me, then that's their problem, not mine. Hello, Dude - it is a self-confidence problem because I too can't make eye-contact. However, my inability to make eye-contact has to do with the opposite sex and feeling inferior to some of the guys that I like..feeling as if I am not interesting..or why would they ever like or want to go out with me..etc. Ian - how are you working on changing how you don't care what people think? I do agree though..being the best person you can be and being a nice person and being true to yourself it's all you can do and if people don't like it..then screw them. Wish it was easier said than done.
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ian
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Post by ian on Feb 28, 2003 23:52:52 GMT -5
Ian - how are you working on changing how you don't care what people think? I do agree though..being the best person you can be and being a nice person and being true to yourself it's all you can do and if people don't like it..then screw them. Tiff, I know it's easier said than done, but I think the secret is learning to like ourselves more. If we can do that, I think we'll find that we don't need other people to like us all the time. Besides, if WE don't like ourselves, how can we expect other people to like us?
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Mar 2, 2003 10:36:47 GMT -5
Tiff, I know it's easier said than done, but I think the secret is learning to like ourselves more. If we can do that, I think we'll find that we don't need other people to like us all the time. Besides, if WE don't like ourselves, how can we expect other people to like us? Yes, it has to do with liking yourself more. I know that is the reason why I have trouble and always feel bad when people don't like me or like me as much as I like them...etc. I am working on that..being more independent, enjoying my own company..just liking myself. Good luck with your journey on this as well
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Post by moogle on Mar 23, 2003 20:59:46 GMT -5
i know this thread is rather old, but yesterday my boyfriend and i went to a renaissance fair (my first). we weren't dressed up, so my boyfriend was feeling out of place, and we didn't have any money to spend (long story), and it was hot so it pretty much sucked. then we passed by this guy and he made some sarcastic comment that we weren't allowed to have fun and blah blah blah. i don't understand what makes people make comments to people that they don't know. do they think we appreciate it? grrr.. anyway, as far as caring what people think of us, i don't really care if they like me or not because chances are, i won't like them, but i do often want others to think well of me (e.g. 'she's smart' or 'she's talented' or whatever). i have no idea why i feel this way. i don't want them to come up to me and tell me this (i'm horrible at taking compliments), i just want them to think it.
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Post by spitzig on Mar 30, 2003 22:01:44 GMT -5
He's older than me by about 11 years so I'm guessing I"m just a little girl to him. It's okay..I just feel sad sometimes. Age is only a number. It does often correspond to maturity level, though, and that is what matters. Maturity comes with experience, not time. Most college students are more immature than people who have to work for a living, because being forced to work hard(or just forced to work) because you have to pay the rent, is a harder choice than "I want a good grade, so I'll work hard". Also, living with your parents seems to indicate less maturity, because you don't have to take care of yourself as much. Of course, I've also got relatives like 15 or 20 years older than I am who I would probably consider less mature than me, based on how shitty they are as parents. I'm not a parent, so I can't really say how I would be, but I wouldn't be out drinking/getting high all night, every night. I tend to think a drastic difference in maturity level would not make for a good relationship for either person. Sorry, I've rambled. Maturity being attractive is a new and surprising idea to me, and I've been thinking about it lately.
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Mar 31, 2003 8:36:22 GMT -5
Age is only a number. It does often correspond to maturity level, though, and that is what matters. Maturity comes with experience, not time. Most college students are more immature than people who have to work for a living, because being forced to work hard(or just forced to work) because you have to pay the rent, is a harder choice than "I want a good grade, so I'll work hard". Also, living with your parents seems to indicate less maturity, because you don't have to take care of yourself as much. Of course, I've also got relatives like 15 or 20 years older than I am who I would probably consider less mature than me, based on how nutsty they are as parents. I'm not a parent, so I can't really say how I would be, but I wouldn't be out drinking/getting high all night, every night. I tend to think a drastic difference in maturity level would not make for a good relationship for either person. Sorry, I've rambled. Maturity being attractive is a new and surprising idea to me, and I've been thinking about it lately. Hi Charlie, At this point I accepted it the way it is now with regards to him. He actually still lives at home too...which is interesting given his age. Anyways, I do think that not living at home offers independence and growth that is needed..especially for us shys because it would "force" us to provide for ourselves more so (rent, more bills..etc) and force more interaction instead of hiding behind our parents. Thanks for responding!
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Post by spitzig on Mar 31, 2003 12:05:12 GMT -5
I understand it's become more popular for people to move back in with their parents, partly because of the bad economy. I lived with my parents after I graduated college, because I happened to get a job in the same town, and graduating doesn't mean you have any money(at least not at that instant). I didn't hide behind my parents in junior high or high school. I was too embarrassed by them. Typical kid. But getting my own place was awful. My first co-op job, I didn't have a car. Often, the only time I'd talk to anyone the whole weekend was when I got change for the washing machine, and that was the extent of the conversation. Most weekends, any conversations were with my family, who'd come visit every other weekend to take me grocery shopping. I've got a car, now, but I'm not all that much better off. At this point I accepted it the way it is now with regards to him. He actually still lives at home too...which is interesting given his age. Anyways, I do think that not living at home offers independence and growth that is needed..especially for us shys because it would "force" us to provide for ourselves more so (rent, more bills..etc) and force more interaction instead of hiding behind our parents.
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Mar 31, 2003 14:50:23 GMT -5
I understand it's become more popular for people to move back in with their parents, partly because of the bad economy. I lived with my parents after I graduated college, because I happened to get a job in the same town, and graduating doesn't mean you have any money(at least not at that instant). I didn't hide behind my parents in junior high or high school. I was too embarrassed by them. Typical kid. But getting my own place was awful. My first co-op job, I didn't have a car. Often, the only time I'd talk to anyone the whole weekend was when I got change for the washing machine, and that was the extent of the conversation. Most weekends, any conversations were with my family, who'd come visit every other weekend to take me grocery shopping. I've got a car, now, but I'm not all that much better off. Sounds like you are a busy person with your own apartment. Atleast you have a car now LOL. I have a car just no apartment. HOpefully I will be able to afford it at some point. But yes where I live it is very expensive for apartment, I work in a large city so I would have to live aways from it in order to find something decent price.
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Post by spitzig on Apr 1, 2003 3:06:11 GMT -5
Sounds like you are a busy person with your own apartment. Atleast you have a car now LOL. I have a car just no apartment. HOpefully I will be able to afford it at some point. But yes where I live it is very expensive for apartment, I work in a large city so I would have to live aways from it in order to find something decent price. Harrisburg is pretty cheap. And, I split it with a roommate. I hate living by myself anyway--too lonely. I'm not busy because of my apartment. When I lost my job, I didn't do anything for a while, between depression about getting fired(I was not good enough to keep the job) and shyness(made it hard to get a job). I'm just busy with school.
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Tiff
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25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
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Post by Tiff on Apr 1, 2003 5:09:14 GMT -5
Harrisburg is pretty cheap. And, I split it with a roommate. I hate living by myself anyway--too lonely. I'm not busy because of my apartment. When I lost my job, I didn't do anything for a while, between depression about getting fired(I was not good enough to keep the job) and shyness(made it hard to get a job). I'm just busy with school. ' Charlie - that's good. One thing about living on your own is it is great for your independence, finding your own life..etc. You didn't get fired did you? Sorry to hear that your shyness and the job didn't really match up. Do you think it's better if you have a job that is more isolated or would you rather one where it sorta forces being shy out? The latter can be a good or bad thing I found.
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