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Post by markymark on Apr 4, 2003 14:25:30 GMT -5
Hi. First let me introduce myself. I am 22, at uni, and very shy. Here's the million dollar question: are girls generally shyer than boys? I am shy but I know more shy girls than fellas. I get a bit of stick from my mates because they see shyness as a girl thing.
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Post by NewOrleansLady on Apr 4, 2003 16:21:21 GMT -5
It's definitly not a girl thing. Although, girls tend to care more about what other people are thinking about them, that is the reason why I am shy. I think that girls who are shy are considered "shy" and "timid" but, guys who are shy are looked at to be more "mysterious" or a "Loner, who chose to be a loner". I'm sure that any guy who is shy feels just as awkward and unsocial as a girl who is shy. I just feel like shy girls are viewed to be more weak and uncapable. Maybe because I am a girl and think that's how people percieve me.
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Post by unionjackattack86 on Apr 6, 2003 2:39:08 GMT -5
I haven't come across many shy girls, i've come across more boys however they are in their minority.
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Post by spitzig on Apr 6, 2003 15:22:32 GMT -5
Well, I tend to think society pushes girls to be more shy, by encouraging them to be less aggressive. Most women don't seem to like the idea of hitting on a guy, or asking them out, or whatever. Even if they are not shy. So, shyness doesn't show up in this case. If a guy doesn't ask women out, they often seem to be considered gay(is shyness more rare than gayness?). I've been asked if I were gay. I've heard questions among relatives about an uncle, because he was never with women.
I've never been called "mysterious" or a "Loner, who chose to be a loner", just a geek who can't get a date. Of course, it's just been me saying that since high school.
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Tiff
Junior Member
25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
Posts: 80
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Post by Tiff on Apr 6, 2003 17:53:34 GMT -5
Well, I tend to think society pushes girls to be more shy, by encouraging them to be less aggressive. Most women don't seem to like the idea of hitting on a guy, or asking them out, or whatever. Even if they are not shy. So, shyness doesn't show up in this case. If a guy doesn't ask women out, they often seem to be considered gay(is shyness more rare than gayness?). I've been asked if I were gay. I've heard questions among relatives about an uncle, because he was never with women. I've never been called "mysterious" or a "Loner, who chose to be a loner", just a geek who can't get a date. Of course, it's just been me saying that since high school. Hello, I"m going to agree with Charlie. I am shy with some situations but more so with guys. I'm not sure if that is because I am not trying to be aggressive (ie...asking them out which I don't do only guy friends). I definitely think part of me feels if I do the asking..etc, I will get rejected (gee..guys get rejected too..i forget that)...or that a guy will think I"m easy if I do that, which is why I shy away..even shy away from flirtign too much for fear that I look or sound easy..and plus..society does give off that vibe that if girls do that they are easy bed hoppers. Nice topic. |
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Post by cellardoor on Apr 20, 2003 19:10:24 GMT -5
It's definitly not a girl thing. Although, girls tend to care more about what other people are thinking about them, that is the reason why I am shy. I think that girls who are shy are considered "shy" and "timid" but, guys who are shy are looked at to be more "mysterious" or a "Loner, who chose to be a loner". I'm sure that any guy who is shy feels just as awkward and unsocial as a girl who is shy. I just feel like shy girls are viewed to be more weak and uncapable. Maybe because I am a girl and think that's how people percieve me. i have always found the concept of stereotypically pigeonholing someone based on their gender hard to bear. There are exceptions to every rule. It is even more cruel and isolating to exist in a world where that is not recognised. i read other forums and i feel even more a freak and separate from the rest of the inhabitants of this planet based on the fact that i don't fit into the pigeonhole ascribed to my gender and the problems it consequently stereotypically faces in shyness. Other forums bring up this question about the effects/experience of shyness based on gender and it always ends up seeming like some kind of twisted competition. Each human being is an individual, far more complex than operating solely based on their gender. |
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Post by glenn miller on Aug 7, 2003 11:13:20 GMT -5
i would say it is about the same.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Aug 8, 2003 5:39:54 GMT -5
I would say that as well. Shyness seems to be more acceptable in girls though. It's as if they are the more sensitive sex so it's ok for them to be shy.
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Post by Mildman1 on Aug 13, 2003 15:42:27 GMT -5
If a guy doesn't ask women out, they often seem to be considered gay(is shyness more rare than gayness?). I've been asked if I were gay. l. I've had this as well. I haven't been asked directly if I was gay, but have heard women who I think have found me attractive but who I didn't respond to ask this about me. I think that this attitude must be arrogance or misunderstanding. I know that I don't find every woman in the world attractive, even if they are pretty, and have shown that they find me attractive (although for all I know I might be unusual in this respect). And there is also the question of compatibility - I have liked some women physically but because we were unsuited to one another due to personality differences - I know for example that I'm not outgoing enough for most women - I have decided to do nothing because I don't want to end up with a disastrous attempt at a relationship. It seems arrogant to me for anyone to think that they are so attractive that they can determine someone's sexuality (whether gay or not) simply by how that person responds to them. Judging by the posts on this site shy women tend not to think like this. |
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Post by spitzig on Aug 13, 2003 16:18:44 GMT -5
I've had one person ask if I were gay. And, a friend of several years tell me that he didn't want to know if I ever decided I was.
Of course, I've been hit on by guys, but I don't think that has anything to do with shyness. Just with the fact that most gay guys hit on people, the same as most straight guys.
On the other hand, one time I heard that a girl was asking whether I was gay. I dress well. At the time, a openly gay friend had is arm sort of behind me on a couch. It gave me a good way to introduce myself--"Hi, I'm Charlie. I'm not gay." And, I got laid that night, so it worked rather well.
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Post by winterwooskie on Aug 23, 2003 20:05:29 GMT -5
i've only noticed guys being shy and hardly ever any girls. and there is something sexist about being shy and a boy or a girl. if your a girl and shy you are considered shy or a snob and if it's a boy then they are considered creepy or a snob.
and i get the gay thing a lot too.
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Post by NiteFalz on Sept 8, 2003 13:41:43 GMT -5
It's definitly not a girl thing. Although, girls tend to care more about what other people are thinking about them, that is the reason why I am shy. I think that girls who are shy are considered "shy" and "timid" but, guys who are shy are looked at to be more "mysterious" or a "Loner, who chose to be a loner". I'm sure that any guy who is shy feels just as awkward and unsocial as a girl who is shy. I just feel like shy girls are viewed to be more weak and uncapable. Maybe because I am a girl and think that's how people percieve me. Weak and uncapable is the exuse that all girls use on "shy" guys. |
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Post by Ana on Sept 20, 2003 18:23:32 GMT -5
thats f'in b.s. i know many shy guys, one whom i've had a crush on since forever, and in no way do i view any of them weak or incapable in even the slightest way.
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Post by MrSultry on Oct 14, 2003 15:25:52 GMT -5
"timid" in a girl is kind of cute, though
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Post by spitzig on Oct 14, 2003 22:25:10 GMT -5
I'm taking a sociology class on gender. Timid is considered a feminine trait, based on a North American study, though I'm sure it largely applies to European, too.
I constantly hear that confidence is a strongly desired trait in men by women. Since shyness is a strong indicator of lack of confidence... Confidence doesn't seem to be nearly as large a factor in female attractiveness to men. Actually, the same study defined women as being attractive for physical reasons and men for accomplishments. In a paper I wrote, I suggested that since younger men have often not DONE anything, maybe confidence is an indicator of future achievements. I did not think of it later, but this also may be a reason younger women often date older men--older men are more likely to have accomplished things.
Other shy-related traits are submissive and passive. Both considered feminine traits.
Other "anti-shy" traits are dominant, assertive, brave, active. Considered masculine traits.
Also, being a sex object is considered feminine and being sexually aggressive is considered masculine. More difficult to be sexually aggressive when shy.than an object of sexual desire. On the other hand, being a "good sex object" may require more knowledge of and skill with subtleties of flirting. Also, shyness may affect ability to perform these subleties.
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