Post by Derrick on Mar 9, 2005 19:12:08 GMT -5
An interesting website I found...
www.gandhisyndrome.com/
This page is a narrative about my life. It's an attempt to help badly introverted men avoid bad relationships with predatory women by recognizing, and dealing with, what I came to realize has been plaguing me for 18 or so years. I will call it "The Gandhi Syndrome" .
Here's My definition ..I know, It needs help. I'm working on it. : )
"A fear/inability of an introverted man to pursue virtuous women. Instead, waiting for something akin to over ripened fruit to fall from the passion tree(hence the Gandhi reference). Usually a woman that has been around with much psychological baggage and unfit to be a good partner, much less a good wife or a mother. It is easy for women such as these to take advantage of an introvert or a man with a self esteem issue. Often the introvert will misunderstand the intentions of such a woman as being sincere, when all he is to her is a temporary sexual fix or curiosity to get her to the next stage of her life. Typically such women are seldom satisfied and rarely at peace because of the issues plaguing them."
or..
"A fear/inability of an introverted man to pursue virtuous women. Instead, waiting for something akin to over ripened fruit to fall from the passion tree and emotionally kick the introverted man's butt over and over and over, sort of like a "turn the other cheek" approach of Jesus which Gandhi used to get attention. Usually a woman that has been around with much psychological baggage and unfit to be a good partner, much less a good wife or a mother. It is easy for women such as these to take advantage of an introvert or a man with a self esteem issue. Often the introvert will misunderstand the intentions of such a woman as being sincere, when all he is to her is a temporary sexual fix or curiosity to get her to the next stage of her life. Typically such women are seldom satisfied and rarely at peace because of the issues plaguing them."
The reason I felt it necessary to relate this to Gandhi, is the fact that instead of reaching up to the tree and be selective as to the fruit he wanted to eat, he would sit under a tree and wait for over ripened fruit that the tree discarded. After bacteria and nature had their way with the fruit, Gandhi waited for it to fall so that he could eat. This strangely resembles my life. As soon as one relationship with a bad fruit ended, I would wait and sure enough another would fall and take it's place. I had to do nothing but wait a while. A true bottom feeding love scavenger. It never occurred to me that decent ladies do not just give it up right away the first hour or two alone with a man, they usually need to be pursued a lot. But why climb the tree when the fruit are falling on your head, right ?
If they could, the meekest bacteria, insect, bird or mammal would laugh at Gandhi as they ate some of the the fruit before it fell for him to eat. But of course Gandhi was doing what he was doing simply to get attention. So we'll let him rest in peace and just use his paradigm.
I should have made the connection long ago, being raised on a farm and being a Christian(there are also biblical references to fallen fruit), where picking up fruit from the ground is a big mistake, because "the fallen fruit" not only could make one very ill or result in death, it will spoil all the good fruit as well.
But to my detriment the connection was never made. Sometimes it takes a major shake up to make one reflect on their life. My last relationship was a disaster heartbreak. I fell so hard, that I still have not recovered. The reason? Of all the women I've been with, she was the last one I would've expected to do this to me for sex. To fake love and affection for months then turn on a dime. She was the most educated lady I've been with. So what she did, seemed so out of character for her, that I had left my defenses wide open. Well, in retrospect there were signs but I was so blinded that I ignored them.
As a result of being an atheist she had a list of colorful heroes and mentors in her life. They included Che Guevarra, Fidel Castro ,Gandhi, Mao, Bill Clinton and Mr. war atrocity himself, John Kerry. She never would admit to it, but I think she actually had a soft spot for OBL as well.
She told me about how Gandhi waited for the fruit to fall from the tree before he ate it so that he could further his political agenda. I didn't think much of it when she told me. But when her thirst for sex with me was quenched and the lies became apparent, I found myself hurt and alone and reflecting on my life. I finally had the revelation.
Symbolically the parallels are chilling between what Gandhi did with his fallen fruit and what I did with my life as it relates to women.
At 34 and 4 children later, I have realized that I have never been able to pursue the women that I wanted to have a relationship with. Dozens of failed relationships later. I sadly came to the realization after my last failed encounter, that every woman I've been with in my life has essentially fallen in my lap, chose me instead of me choosing her, made herself easily available to me. I misinterpreted their love cloaked desire for sex, as their desire to love me. This of course, boosted my ego, blinded me and caused me to think that the relationship was meant to be.
The irony here is, that people whom I've known half of my life, perceive me as being an extrovert. I did a simple little poll recently and I had people laughing when I told them I was an introvert. The Gandhi syndrome has even blinded those who have been near me all of my life. They have all seen how many relationships I've had, and they conclude that I must have the "gift of gab" that many extroverts have. They have assumed that I have an uncanny way of pursuing women and have success at it.
Not one relationship that I was involved with in my life, was the result of any serious effort on my part. I sat there in a yoga like state waiting for over ripened half eaten fruit to fall on my lap. And they most certainly did. I attracted women since I was a young lad, who simply wanted to have sex with me. But all I wanted was to be loved.
Now that I have realized this, I feel more alone than I ever did. My inadequacy in pursuing the right woman is frightening. I have met women who are virtuous and whom I had an interest in, but I always assumed that because they did not make the first move, they were not interested. So I ignored them. Instead, another would come along make her desires known to me and off we went. Nice huh ? But it's not me! Some may say that attracting women is an introverts dream, why am I complaining? The problem is not so much that an introvert attracts a woman. It's that more likely than not that an introvert like me could be easily manipulated by extroverted women who will use him to make themselves feel better for a while.
I wonder how many other men are struggling with the same affliction?
And what are we to teach our sons about women who essentially throw themselves at men ? I am raising my son and by the looks of it he is an introvert. Hopefully, he will not be predated upon by aggressive extroverted women who are in search of something different.Obviously no one taught me this lesson or I missed it at some point.
At this stage, because I have taken fallen fruit for so long, my life has become chaotic. I have no hope for the right woman any longer. No self respecting woman would have me, and I would not have a woman without any self respect. However, if I can make a difference even in one persons life, if I can spare future children of broken homes, my effort will be worth it.
Last but not least, one bit of advice. To any introverted man, who found himself with a beauty who has either done a lot of drugs, is taking psychiatric medications and medicating her conscience, has had numerous abortions, has been a stripper/prostitute, an alcoholic, or is just plain trash. Walk out the door now before it's too late, and don't look back. However, if she manages to get pregnant while you are dumping her, I pity you. I feel your pain. Don't think it will be easy. Once they start confessing their secrets to make you think they want to change, what you will feel on your shoulders is the need to keep all their trash a secret. Her shame will be your shame. No matter how you try to hide her past it will start to smell. Don't !!! Find a friend or talk to your father about it and get feedback, don't keep the weight of her sins and trash on your shoulders. And remember, be weary of those who always agree with your decisions. Chances are, they don't care. There are a lot of good women out there looking for good men.
Contrary to what your parents told you about college being the most important decision in your life.. I am telling you that picking the right woman is. If you don't, your life could be destroyed. It will leave you in ruins. It could land you in prison, it could make you homeless, suicidal, it could drive you insane, it could drive you to drink and take drugs, it could leave your children destitute. Give as much, if not more thought to what woman lays in your bed than what classes are important for your future. You don't believe me ? Chances are pretty good that you came from a broken family yourself. Just look at the divorce statistics , the "out of wedlock" birth statistics and abortion statistics..
Read some links below on how you can help yourself pursue the right woman for you. Also, if you know of an introverted man who is about to make a big mistake with the wrong kind of woman. Please direct him to this page.
I will continue to add to this page so that it becomes a tool for men to help themselves. What I hope to accomplish is to help young introverted men become aware of the Gandhi Syndrome and pursue the women they know will be right for them, avoid bad marriages and relationships with women who just make themselves easily available.
www.gandhisyndrome.com/
This page is a narrative about my life. It's an attempt to help badly introverted men avoid bad relationships with predatory women by recognizing, and dealing with, what I came to realize has been plaguing me for 18 or so years. I will call it "The Gandhi Syndrome" .
Here's My definition ..I know, It needs help. I'm working on it. : )
"A fear/inability of an introverted man to pursue virtuous women. Instead, waiting for something akin to over ripened fruit to fall from the passion tree(hence the Gandhi reference). Usually a woman that has been around with much psychological baggage and unfit to be a good partner, much less a good wife or a mother. It is easy for women such as these to take advantage of an introvert or a man with a self esteem issue. Often the introvert will misunderstand the intentions of such a woman as being sincere, when all he is to her is a temporary sexual fix or curiosity to get her to the next stage of her life. Typically such women are seldom satisfied and rarely at peace because of the issues plaguing them."
or..
"A fear/inability of an introverted man to pursue virtuous women. Instead, waiting for something akin to over ripened fruit to fall from the passion tree and emotionally kick the introverted man's butt over and over and over, sort of like a "turn the other cheek" approach of Jesus which Gandhi used to get attention. Usually a woman that has been around with much psychological baggage and unfit to be a good partner, much less a good wife or a mother. It is easy for women such as these to take advantage of an introvert or a man with a self esteem issue. Often the introvert will misunderstand the intentions of such a woman as being sincere, when all he is to her is a temporary sexual fix or curiosity to get her to the next stage of her life. Typically such women are seldom satisfied and rarely at peace because of the issues plaguing them."
The reason I felt it necessary to relate this to Gandhi, is the fact that instead of reaching up to the tree and be selective as to the fruit he wanted to eat, he would sit under a tree and wait for over ripened fruit that the tree discarded. After bacteria and nature had their way with the fruit, Gandhi waited for it to fall so that he could eat. This strangely resembles my life. As soon as one relationship with a bad fruit ended, I would wait and sure enough another would fall and take it's place. I had to do nothing but wait a while. A true bottom feeding love scavenger. It never occurred to me that decent ladies do not just give it up right away the first hour or two alone with a man, they usually need to be pursued a lot. But why climb the tree when the fruit are falling on your head, right ?
If they could, the meekest bacteria, insect, bird or mammal would laugh at Gandhi as they ate some of the the fruit before it fell for him to eat. But of course Gandhi was doing what he was doing simply to get attention. So we'll let him rest in peace and just use his paradigm.
I should have made the connection long ago, being raised on a farm and being a Christian(there are also biblical references to fallen fruit), where picking up fruit from the ground is a big mistake, because "the fallen fruit" not only could make one very ill or result in death, it will spoil all the good fruit as well.
But to my detriment the connection was never made. Sometimes it takes a major shake up to make one reflect on their life. My last relationship was a disaster heartbreak. I fell so hard, that I still have not recovered. The reason? Of all the women I've been with, she was the last one I would've expected to do this to me for sex. To fake love and affection for months then turn on a dime. She was the most educated lady I've been with. So what she did, seemed so out of character for her, that I had left my defenses wide open. Well, in retrospect there were signs but I was so blinded that I ignored them.
As a result of being an atheist she had a list of colorful heroes and mentors in her life. They included Che Guevarra, Fidel Castro ,Gandhi, Mao, Bill Clinton and Mr. war atrocity himself, John Kerry. She never would admit to it, but I think she actually had a soft spot for OBL as well.
She told me about how Gandhi waited for the fruit to fall from the tree before he ate it so that he could further his political agenda. I didn't think much of it when she told me. But when her thirst for sex with me was quenched and the lies became apparent, I found myself hurt and alone and reflecting on my life. I finally had the revelation.
Symbolically the parallels are chilling between what Gandhi did with his fallen fruit and what I did with my life as it relates to women.
At 34 and 4 children later, I have realized that I have never been able to pursue the women that I wanted to have a relationship with. Dozens of failed relationships later. I sadly came to the realization after my last failed encounter, that every woman I've been with in my life has essentially fallen in my lap, chose me instead of me choosing her, made herself easily available to me. I misinterpreted their love cloaked desire for sex, as their desire to love me. This of course, boosted my ego, blinded me and caused me to think that the relationship was meant to be.
The irony here is, that people whom I've known half of my life, perceive me as being an extrovert. I did a simple little poll recently and I had people laughing when I told them I was an introvert. The Gandhi syndrome has even blinded those who have been near me all of my life. They have all seen how many relationships I've had, and they conclude that I must have the "gift of gab" that many extroverts have. They have assumed that I have an uncanny way of pursuing women and have success at it.
Not one relationship that I was involved with in my life, was the result of any serious effort on my part. I sat there in a yoga like state waiting for over ripened half eaten fruit to fall on my lap. And they most certainly did. I attracted women since I was a young lad, who simply wanted to have sex with me. But all I wanted was to be loved.
Now that I have realized this, I feel more alone than I ever did. My inadequacy in pursuing the right woman is frightening. I have met women who are virtuous and whom I had an interest in, but I always assumed that because they did not make the first move, they were not interested. So I ignored them. Instead, another would come along make her desires known to me and off we went. Nice huh ? But it's not me! Some may say that attracting women is an introverts dream, why am I complaining? The problem is not so much that an introvert attracts a woman. It's that more likely than not that an introvert like me could be easily manipulated by extroverted women who will use him to make themselves feel better for a while.
I wonder how many other men are struggling with the same affliction?
And what are we to teach our sons about women who essentially throw themselves at men ? I am raising my son and by the looks of it he is an introvert. Hopefully, he will not be predated upon by aggressive extroverted women who are in search of something different.Obviously no one taught me this lesson or I missed it at some point.
At this stage, because I have taken fallen fruit for so long, my life has become chaotic. I have no hope for the right woman any longer. No self respecting woman would have me, and I would not have a woman without any self respect. However, if I can make a difference even in one persons life, if I can spare future children of broken homes, my effort will be worth it.
Last but not least, one bit of advice. To any introverted man, who found himself with a beauty who has either done a lot of drugs, is taking psychiatric medications and medicating her conscience, has had numerous abortions, has been a stripper/prostitute, an alcoholic, or is just plain trash. Walk out the door now before it's too late, and don't look back. However, if she manages to get pregnant while you are dumping her, I pity you. I feel your pain. Don't think it will be easy. Once they start confessing their secrets to make you think they want to change, what you will feel on your shoulders is the need to keep all their trash a secret. Her shame will be your shame. No matter how you try to hide her past it will start to smell. Don't !!! Find a friend or talk to your father about it and get feedback, don't keep the weight of her sins and trash on your shoulders. And remember, be weary of those who always agree with your decisions. Chances are, they don't care. There are a lot of good women out there looking for good men.
Contrary to what your parents told you about college being the most important decision in your life.. I am telling you that picking the right woman is. If you don't, your life could be destroyed. It will leave you in ruins. It could land you in prison, it could make you homeless, suicidal, it could drive you insane, it could drive you to drink and take drugs, it could leave your children destitute. Give as much, if not more thought to what woman lays in your bed than what classes are important for your future. You don't believe me ? Chances are pretty good that you came from a broken family yourself. Just look at the divorce statistics , the "out of wedlock" birth statistics and abortion statistics..
Read some links below on how you can help yourself pursue the right woman for you. Also, if you know of an introverted man who is about to make a big mistake with the wrong kind of woman. Please direct him to this page.
I will continue to add to this page so that it becomes a tool for men to help themselves. What I hope to accomplish is to help young introverted men become aware of the Gandhi Syndrome and pursue the women they know will be right for them, avoid bad marriages and relationships with women who just make themselves easily available.