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Post by sickofbeingshy on Jul 2, 2006 12:43:39 GMT -5
and who got throughthe social anxiety and can now socialize and make friends with no problem? If so how did you do it?
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Post by Naptaq on Jul 10, 2006 20:58:00 GMT -5
I'm afraid that those who did become social don't come here anymore. After becoming social there is no need to go to a forum that's called "Shy United" since they're no longer shy. Of course there may be exceptions, but they prove this general "rule". I'll give you an example. CaryGrant. Now he too joined this site in 2003 but since then made a lot of progress and might be even married again now lol.. who knows. I recomend looking at his posts, his progress is chronologicy documented hehe.
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Post by zaab on Jul 10, 2006 21:26:49 GMT -5
Not to change the subject, but, interesting question, does anyone who thought of themselves of shy before ever think they've become free of social anxiety? I haven't been called shy in years, yet I don't think of myself as not being shy. I all too easily recognize the shy tendencies in myself that aren't as apparent to other people. I think even the people who have left here because they have the sort of life they want now probably still think of themselves as shy to some degree. Just a guess, though.
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Post by skyhint on Jul 10, 2006 22:26:55 GMT -5
I can recall a time when I was less shy. But since then a lot has happened to put me shier than I have ever been.
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Post by Crashtastic on Jul 10, 2006 22:47:29 GMT -5
There has been times when I've been less shy. I always seem to come back to it much worse than before. Its like I take all the scary experiences that I had overcome (well, thought I had at the time) and turn them into something to fear even more. They were uncomfortable to push through and its just that much harder to go through it again the next time. I guess its still nice to have some idea of whats on the other side though. sorry, that wasn't very helpful...just my experience.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jul 11, 2006 4:05:07 GMT -5
I'm afraid that those who did become social don't come here anymore. After becoming social there is no need to go to a forum that's called "Shy United" since they're no longer shy. Of course there may be exceptions, but they prove this general "rule". I'll give you an example. CaryGrant. Now he too joined this site in 2003 but since then made a lot of progress and might be even married again now lol.. who knows. I recomend looking at his posts, his progress is chronologicy documented hehe. Yeah they just bail on their shy brothers and sisters.
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Post by Samantha on Jul 11, 2006 7:48:30 GMT -5
and who got throughthe social anxiety and can now socialize and make friends with no problem? If so how did you do it? Well when I was a kid I was shy but I still made friends and did alot of stuff. Unfortunately it must of swelled so big that the shyness collapsed in on itself forming a sort of neurotic black hole. Now it's impossible for anything to escape it, not even light. Well ok light can, as do my farts but the point I'm making is that err.. I dunno..... WOTEVAH!!
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Post by Stranger on Jul 14, 2006 5:11:13 GMT -5
Not to change the subject, but, interesting question, does anyone who thought of themselves of shy before ever think they've become free of social anxiety? I haven't been called shy in years, yet I don't think of myself as not being shy. I all too easily recognize the shy tendencies in myself that aren't as apparent to other people. I think even the people who have left here because they have the sort of life they want now probably still think of themselves as shy to some degree. Just a guess, though. I'd guess you're right too. While it's understandable that if someone conquered their shyness they'd have left, it doesn't follow that if they left, it was likely that they conquered their shyness. There are plenty of non-social ways to be otherwise occupied.
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Post by fighter on Aug 27, 2006 19:41:28 GMT -5
I'd say that I have made tremendous strides over the last two years as far as my shyness is concerned. I used to have no friends, I never went out and I would avoid social situations at all costs. Nowadays I have plenty of contacts, some good friends and I go out as much as I want to. When I'm back at university I can easily go out two or three times a week if I want to. I can now talk one-on-one like any non-shy person, and even make people laugh. I talk to girls much more than I ever did.
The only way I made this progress was the determination to keep battling away even when success never seemed in sight. I used to get home from college in utter despair, but then I'd put some positive, upbeat music on then plan what I was going to achieve the next day. Eventually I made friends, despite having been viewed as the college loner for over a year.
I only come here intermittently because shyness isn't a huge part of my life as it was. I mainly just come to give advice and ask for help on certain things I still haven't overcome. For example, my two remaining problems involve chatting up women and talking in a group. The first one I think is the most difficult, the other will just take time until I'm completely comfortable. You just have to keep fighting for what you want in life because no one else is going to do it for you. Anything is possible.
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Post by zaab on Sept 2, 2006 14:01:36 GMT -5
Whenever I read "I am cured of my shyness!" I interpret it as "I am still basically a shy person, but I've found a way to be functionally shy." It means if there's something they want to say, they say it, if there is something they want to do, they do it. They no longer let their shyness hold them back. I don't think they suddenly transformed themselves into the life of the party. This is the point, in most aspects of my life anyway, I've reached. My shyness doesn't hold me back so it ceases to be a problem.
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Post by Bodhi on Sept 2, 2006 22:05:34 GMT -5
I'd say that I have made tremendous strides over the last two years as far as my shyness is concerned. I used to have no friends, I never went out and I would avoid social situations at all costs. Nowadays I have plenty of contacts, some good friends and I go out as much as I want to. When I'm back at university I can easily go out two or three times a week if I want to. I can now talk one-on-one like any non-shy person, and even make people laugh. I talk to girls much more than I ever did. The only way I made this progress was the determination to keep battling away even when success never seemed in sight. I used to get home from college in utter despair, but then I'd put some positive, upbeat music on then plan what I was going to achieve the next day. Eventually I made friends, despite having been viewed as the college loner for over a year. I only come here intermittently because shyness isn't a huge part of my life as it was. I mainly just come to give advice and ask for help on certain things I still haven't overcome. For example, my two remaining problems involve chatting up women and talking in a group. The first one I think is the most difficult, the other will just take time until I'm completely comfortable. You just have to keep fighting for what you want in life because no one else is going to do it for you. Anything is possible. You sound a lot like me in the past year. I've also made great progress and realized you have to be very proactive and have strong determination to overcome the shyness. Its very hard and many times you question yourself and wonder if you'll ever be able to function normally in society. But if you get through it things do get better. Also, I have the same trouble chatting up girls, at least girls I'm attracted to. I still have a kind of block in that area and revert back to my former shyness when I have the opportunity to talk to them. Whenever I read "I am cured of my shyness!" I interpret it as "I am still basically a shy person, but I've found a way to be functionally shy." It means if there's something they want to say, they say it, if there is something they want to do, they do it. They no longer let their shyness hold them back. I don't think they suddenly transformed themselves into the life of the party. This is the point, in most aspects of my life anyway, I've reached. My shyness doesn't hold me back so it ceases to be a problem. I agree, I don't think I'll ever be, 'cured of shyness' Yet like you said as long as you can say things you want to say and do things you want to do, that is the major acomplishment. I feel I'm close to that point, but not there yet. I still have a lot of work to do to be truly comfortable with myself and interacting with others, yet I'm on my way and feel good about the progress I've made and know I can do better.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Sept 4, 2006 21:52:40 GMT -5
I personally don't know if you ever completely "Get over it". I think it is more like you learn ways to adapt and in time... it isn't as much of a torment. I personally have always been shy.
There was a point in my life that I was stressed to the point of having EXTREME anxiety. I didn't even realize others experience the same thing. Thought it was JUST ME. Actually, getting involved with SU made me understand what I had gone through... I didn't even know there was meds or support groups.
At that time I just turned into a complete hermit, for the most part. This all came about, because both of my parents passed away within 10.5 months of one another... I had trouble dealing with it BIG TIME. Cause, I was always close to my folks. I wouldn't have had such anxiety if that hadn't triggered it. The reason I mention it, is because I believe that certain things do trigger it.
SU has helped me too, to understand some of what I hadn't figured out from back then... that was all in the early 80s. So... I think people that are shy ... will always be shy, to a degree. Other things in life can make it worse / or better.
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Post by BeatShyness on Sept 14, 2006 18:47:35 GMT -5
I too believe that you never truley get over your shyness. But, in the sense that you always retain your independant mentality. You just simply learn to cope with it. Learn to do what you want, and say what you want as previously mentioned. Since I joined SU I have come to an understanding of what Social Anxiety is and how to get over it. Alot of that involves something else that has been mentioned here. Pushing yourself, never giving up. I find that I feel very good about myself in situations that I now handle well. As apposed to failing miserably at these things earlier in life. You thus gain confidence in yourself and what you can do. I have been lacking in my time here since I joined in 2003. But, I have never forgotten this site. Soon after I joined this site I turned 16 and got my first job. That is when my process of overcoming my 'shyness' skyrocketed. I had my first girlfriend soon after this. Even several months after her and I broke up, we spoke again and she said I had changed alot. Very recently I went through a very strange relationship with a girl I had known online for 3 years prior to getting together with her. Turns out she lied to me the entire 7 months saying she loved me, talked about marriage and kids. Even went as far as picking out kids names after I told her I wanted a boy and a girl eventually. It ended pretty horribly with me telling the guy she dropped me all of the sudden for, everything that she had done. As a result she wanted me dead. Through all this though I learned how to show affection and love someone that much. She was my life for the 7 months. I can say now though that I have a great deal of confidence with talking to girls I do not let what happened with her get me down though. For a month or so afterwards though I went through a period of time where I neglected my home high school work and I would sit on the computer or in my rooms for hours on end and not want to talk to anyone. But, I realized that a new life is ahead of me. I cannot let myself get down. At the time, I felt that my life was over. But, I realize now that a new phase is about to start. I am now an aspiring poet. I have written about 20 poems in a few months time. www.poemhunter.com/poet-209637 And, I have decided that I am going to go to college for Psychology when I am finished my home school. I even have my own website already. You can check my profile for the link. I believe you are mean't be lead down a certain path in your life and I believe that mine is helping people. I now believe that the people I am mean't to help are others with Social Anxiety. This was the first and only shyness site that I joined however, and I will always stay loyal to this place. Even though I may not post all the time. For a while I had my yahoo IM screen name in my profile here and I had people IM me asking me right away how I got over my shyness. I have helped some of these people and I enjoyed it very much. So, in a way I had an indirect connection to this place all along
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Sept 14, 2006 19:07:33 GMT -5
I find it interesting that some say they aren't shy anymore after they have gotten a date, made a few friends, or go to some social activities. Was it really shyness or just lack of opportunity?
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Post by BeatShyness on Sept 15, 2006 0:23:07 GMT -5
Oh believe me...that is not the case. You never stop feeling the anxiety. You just learn to cope with certain things. I know for sure that I could not speak in a group or anything like that because I have only dealt with it once a few years ago. There are some situations you gain confidence in, then others you still fail at because you don't have the confidence in that area.
Certain situations your heart beats fast. I still have this. It wasn't because of friends. I have had friends in my life. And all of them I talk to after years say that I am much less shy than I used to be. But, I still struggle with it. Do you know what I mean Goddess? I am by no means completely over it. But, I just understand it and I know what needs to be done. I have made great personal strides towards where I want to be. But, no where near that place yet.
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