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Post by Jarous on Mar 27, 2004 17:20:55 GMT -5
I keep in touch with a couple of them through ICQ. Those were able to compare my on- a off- line personality so they would probaby understand. We'll likely stay friends even after school. Now, Ghost either that person was a complete dumbass or you are pretty much normal (for what else would be considered weird by a shy). Again the non-shies get better in life: why would you forgive them something you can't forgive 'us.' People on-line are the same humans you meet every day off-line. No contact with technology will make them more 'noble.' They can focus on different parts of your personality online, though, and so can you.
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Post by Jarous on Mar 28, 2004 2:15:01 GMT -5
I've just told about my social anxiety to the first person I know 'in real life' (albeit through ICQ). He's one of my closest class mates - how much I am afraid of going to school on Monday and look at him like I used to...
He took it really well, to my ultimate surprise. We chatted for about 4 hours - by far the longest talk of my life. He appears to have similar problems only a bit less intense, however he has some considerable trouble I never would have imagined, how blind I've been myself...
Although I go pale at a mention of Monday, I do feel great, like a burden suddenly lifted off my chest. We increased our mutual understanding by a lot. I hope our friendship will get to a higher level and won't be ruined by the knowledge (absurd idea, isn't it).
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Post by CaryGrant on Mar 29, 2004 10:43:41 GMT -5
Hey J, let us know how it goes. I find that I can say whatever I want, most people judge me by my behavior. So, for example, if I say I'm shy but have been acting nonshy, people ignore my statement and respond to me as if I'm nonshy. The exception is when I tell someone who is also shy or is otherwise feeling like they're concealing something to be socially acceptable - my disclosure often gives them courage to open up.
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Post by Jarous on Mar 29, 2004 14:52:23 GMT -5
Exactly Cary. If I make a hint others say nonsense, they can't relate or even understand what agonies some people may be coming through. My friend - I hope I can tell you (without giving any names) - is gay and a bit shy, too. So, yes, he is concealing something and I believe he told me only because I told him first. That could encourage pretty much, probably even making the person more trustworthy to share in a secret (I am only the second person he has told - not even his family).
Monday went better than I had thought it would but worse than I hoped for. Well, actually it was pretty much usual, only the eye-conntact is different - strangely less difficult but more awkward at the same time. But there is more empathy between us now. When others make comments (or jokes) about something personal which may hurt, we notice, share a troubled glance perhaps a wink ... it's wonderful knowing someone understands.
But I don't think I'll bear everyone in the class to know. We'll see in time...
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Ghost
Full Member
Posts: 220
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Post by Ghost on Mar 29, 2004 17:24:38 GMT -5
Yeah..I know Jarous. People are people. Sometimes I couldn't care less, but today I was really wonky, despondent. I managed to drive it of for some times, but other times it got back. But now, I feel sudden much better.
Was being gay what he concealed? I sort of know a person who had difficulties accepting that. I barely hear of him ever these days, but he is accepting towards himself now. Perhaps he is afraid that his friends will treat him different? The guy I just refered to had a friend who he had a crush on and when he came clear about it to him and it was not the same way back (he did discovered that the guy was gay too). He kept being friends with him, but the guy was acting different and was seeing a "buddy hug" as example, as a coming onto him. I can understand that perspective, but on the other hand, knowing that being gay can be hard, he could've been less rejective in the friendship way. I have known some gays through my life. I remember that I always thought that two men I knew just lived together as friends, roomies, but in my teens, the realization after a event dawned upon me that they were gay. I wasn't shocked or such, but was surprised I never noticed.
As Cary wrote, when other people tell something, others are more likely to come out with something too. Because someone else made the first step, or as form as comfort.
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Post by Jarous on Apr 2, 2004 14:03:12 GMT -5
Today I listened to a presentation by a girl from a different class. I don't know her or if she is shy, but she turned scarlet while talking, her hands trembled so much (it was really visible on the papers she held) and her voice skipped too often. She could have easily been me only much worse off (and I thought that was not possible!).
For some strange reason this made me feel uncomfortable. This was the first time ever I saw truely anxious person face to face. I felt like everyone must notice and made the connection between her state and mine and suddenly I started blushing too. Not that much but considering I was in the safety of a desk 5 rows in the class that was something. Also I felt a bit guilty, like if I was supposed to do something to alleviate her stress. As I've said, strange.
I was too scared to discuss how my friends felt during the presentation, but none of them minded their own business (which is usual, the lessons aren't from the most interesting) and I don't think it was because the content of her talk...
The teacher wasn't nodding and smiling as usual and she cast a few glances my way. That pretty much scared the hell out of me. Perceptive that one, I think she understood.
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Post by Jarous on Apr 13, 2004 12:54:49 GMT -5
I've been pondering this for too long ... it's tearing me inside and I can't get the peace of mind until I tell my classmates about SAD. Tomorrow, I will begin by giving a written desription to my teacher - a start at least. It's still three weeks of school remaining and I do not know how I will feel during her lessons after it, but this opportunity (do not ask) might not reapper. I hope I won't be misunderstood this time.
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Post by CaryGrant on Apr 13, 2004 13:20:54 GMT -5
Good luck Jarous. Are you going to tell just the teacher, or the whole class? I guarantee you that some people will identify with you. High school is a tough place, with most people being extremely concerned with identity, with being part of a group.
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Post by Jarous on Apr 14, 2004 14:26:09 GMT -5
Thank you, Cary. I always hate to rely on luck ... but every little bit helps. I do want to tell my class mates ... but I am not prepared for that just now. I've got no idea how I would survive the breaks in that case (I have no desire for anyone's pity. Moreover, the idea of "every finger pointing at me" is quite frightening ... after all, I can 'hide' pretty well currently if the need arises). Today I told another one of my friends ... he was surprised. And I was surprised that anyone with eyes and brains can be surprised by this. Then I handed the essay to my teacher ... and got myself out of her cabinet-room as fast as possible. I feel such a strange blend of anticipation and anxiety about tomorrow's lesson. She would always say my written work kept her surprised and unsure of who I really am ... perceptive ... let's see what she thinks this time ;D
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Post by Jarous on Apr 15, 2004 13:37:23 GMT -5
The lesson went great. The only thing I regret is I haven't told the teacher earlier. Surprisingly, she could understand and empathise very well. I've got no idea what changed but her lessons ceased to be such a pressure. She even lent me a book about subconscious mind. So far it appears to be a great read.
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Post by Alecto on Apr 15, 2004 13:58:42 GMT -5
I'm glad she was sympathetic about it, and was able to provide you a book.
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Post by Jarous on Apr 17, 2004 11:37:42 GMT -5
What now remains is to give an all-class presentation. I feel better around people who know so I presume this can't prove to be a disaster.
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Post by Hermit on Apr 17, 2004 12:56:24 GMT -5
That took a lot of guts, Jarous. I had a feeling that the teacher would be supportive, and so did you or you probably wouldn't even have considered telling her. Do you think the other students in your class will be as understanding? I'd recommend caution in how you open up to the rest of your classmates... People can be cruel even when they're supposedly adults. I don't mean to poop on the idea.. you seem to have a lot better control over your fear than i do.. and you know these people. (do you trust them all?) Whatever you decide, i hope it works out
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Post by Jarous on Apr 17, 2004 16:37:52 GMT -5
Yes, Hermit, I do believe my classmates will prove supportive and understanding - but if they do not - within 3 weeks they'll be history anyway.
I have no control over my fear, but I hate what control it has over me. So I just (desperately) spit in its face and do exactly the thing it tells me not to attempt. Usually, the results are worth the little anxiety experienced during the actual effort.
But I trust them not. The truth is, I do not want them overly supportive. I'd hate them to include me in activities and go out of their way to help me just because of pity. I seek understanding not pity.
Yeah ... even if I fail miserably I will have tried - and that's what matters to me now. Above all else I do not wish to ask myself "what if" again.
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Post by CaryGrant on Apr 19, 2004 10:41:24 GMT -5
Good for you! With an attitude like this, you can't really fail.
Many people do not like making presentations and emphathise with the presenter. They want you to do well, and understand how difficult it can be.
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