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Post by Hermit on Sept 2, 2004 22:31:19 GMT -5
I think that alot of girls would've felt quite insecure in this kind of situation. I'm sure I would've. If I were with someone who didn't show me any affection in public or around friends (ever), I would think that he was embarrassed by me and didn't want anyone to know we were together. (I would've wanted to know why though and I would've asked about it). That would suck, but it still doesn't mean that you "sucked" (I know I'm being a little persistent here, but you're really down on yourself!) It means that there was a lack of understanding between the two of you and whether it was because you didn't tell her or she didn't ask, it doesn't matter. It wasn't you, it wasn't her. It was both of you. That she thought i was embarrassed to be seen with her.. that's what i'm most afraid of. It's so close to what i was feeling.. only not embarrassed because of Her but because of Me. Did you just not want to tell her or were you afraid to? If she had known, maybe she could've helped to ease your burden a little. It's funny how the things that people seem to think will make them appear weak and foolish to others, can be the very things that make the bonds with others stronger. Emotional ties....you know what I mean? Hopefully I make some sense. The stuff in my head doesn't always come out right. What you've said makes a lot of sense and hits the nail pretty much on the head.. I was then, and still am too scared to talk about it with anyone (in person anyway) not even my folks. If i try, i'll lose control of my emotions -i think that's most frightening aspect of it. I know i couldn't handle breaking down in front of someone. How has your life, to date, been wasted? Why couldn't things get better? I've just gone nowhere in the past 15 years, aside from my job, which does keep my mind off my problems even if it can get aggravating. I suppose i'm to blame for not trying to get in control of problems or to seek some help for it. At first, i didn't know what to make of my fears.. until recently there hasn't been a lot of information on social anxiety, certainly not 10 or 15 years ago. I thought that i had some form of Schitzophrenia (sp?) for a long time, and i was terrified of being found out. This feeling really twisted me up during my high school years, and where i started my pattern of isolation. It certainly was no where near as bad as it's become, i was still going out and having fun, at least on a limited basis. (I'm lucky that most of my closer friends i know from when i was in school, are still around, more than a couple work with me.) My anxiety has steadily gotten worse the past 10 years, and the last 5 have been absolute hell. I just can't take dealing with that feeling of terror anymore - period. So i don't go to any parties, very few bars, movie theatres, zoos, rollercoaster parks, Rock concerts, camping trips, or any other event that would drag me out of the house/hotel room, aside from my work, and the occasional visit to my parents, and i don't really even feel comfortable over there anymore. This much suffering.... The only thing that I can say is that if you get to the point where you can't stand it anymore, perhaps that will be the force that you need to make a change for the better. The place where you find that the strength you've had to tolerate the pain can be the strength that helps you to find your bearings. I don't know. I wouldn't say what's kept me together could even be called strength. I simply haven't had any other choice but to take it, keep sucking in air and blowing it back out.. (what else can one do?) there's no strength; just a slowly cracking will. I can understand this completely. Last week I was at work and I would be in the middle of doing something and tears would well up (I did an admirable job of containing them though). I didn't want anyone to see, but at the same time, I needed someone to see. I wished for someone to understand and that's only possible if they see. No one saw me. I kinda know what you mean about actually Wanting someone to notice your crying, but for the most part the humiliation would be too great. Having never been a girl i won't claim to know what it's like to cry in front of others as one, but for a guy it's a very large social no-no. The idea of having been seen crying that day scared the crap out of me. I think the best place to start is from the little things. Do you smile at stuff? Do you ever feel happiness or peacefulness or joy, even for a moment? What about when you gave that bartender a kiss? Didn't that make you feel something good? I know you said you were anxiety-ridden, but what about after? These kinds of moments aren't all strung together. They happen every once in awhile, but most of the time, you have to go looking for them. It's a cliche, I know, but just smell a flower sometime or feel the fresh air in your lungs and be thankful for the small stuff. The bigger stuff will come in its own time. My favourite thing to do (it's a bit silly, but I'm in touch with my inner child) is to throw my head back while I'm walking along, outside, and just look up at the leaves on the trees. It brings me a measure of peace that I don't find elsewhere very often. Maybe you have something like this. If not, try to find something that will transport you (even for a second or two). It can do wonders. I do have some periods where i feel happy -or at least humor heh, my roommate's always good for a laugh- but i can go from laughter to fear or sadness in a very short amount of time. It seems that those happy times are getting less and less and feeling more bland each time around. I wish I could be more helpful, but....well....there you go. You've been very helpful It's nice just to have someone take an interest, and it's particularly nice when that someone understands. I hope i get the chance to return the favor. What else is going on in your life these days? What is a typical day like for you? If you don't mind my asking, of course. Well, aside from the stuff i mentioned above, there's not much to tell.. i do a lot of reading (almost exclusively Steven King lately) i play a lot of video games, watch dvd's, i'm a damn good foosball player, and am starting to gain some skill at pool (we have a foosball and pool table in our house). At work today, (we do antenna work for Verizon wireless) we had to go to Navy pier (downtown Chicago) and install line restraints for the 1/2 jumpers running from the antennas we have mounted on the top level of parking garage. We had to use our "little Giant" ladders -which bend in the middle and extend on both sides- and stick one end over the ledge, down the side of the wall. One guy preferably a big guy, sits on the end on top for a counterweight, while the other guy (me) climbs over the side and straps into the rung of the ladder. I then used a cordless rotor drill to set anchors into the wall for the line supports and then snapped the lines into the restraints (called butterflies or hangers) and then painted the jumpers and the hangers to match the wall. It was a little rough but the work went quickly and i was home by 4:00. I hope that wasn't too boring -it took me forever to write it
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 3, 2004 13:46:17 GMT -5
Hermit, you are enormously strong, you just don't know it. To carry on in the face of the emotional burden you are carrying requires a great deal of courage; most people are never tested as you have been your entire life.
Are you seeing a therapist? I strongly recommend it, no matter the cost. Find a good one (one you feel safe with, and who seems competent), and get going. Those emotions are trying to come out for a reason - a part of you is trying desperately to drive you to open up. With a therapist, even men can cry, if that's what happens. You must get to the root of those emotions, find out what they're trying to tell you, let them guide you.
All the best...Brian
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Sept 4, 2004 2:10:53 GMT -5
[quote author=Hermit1 link=board=shyd&thread=1079907908&start=45#3 date=1094182279 What's to be embarrassed about? Your social skills or absence thereof? Something else? It's never easy to breakdown infront of anyone. I know I don't like breaking down infront of my mother because she'll either be really consoling (which just makes me cry harder) or she'll be firm in trying to get me to understand why I need to change something that's causing my pain (this is always practical and afterwards I appreciate the guidance she has offered, but in the moment....I feel lost, out of control, less than intelligent...). She's a great mother, but I don't think she can really understand the depth of my feelings about certain things so, I try to avoid bringing these things up in the first place (i.e. try not to cry infront of her. I've not been terribly successful though ) I couldn't imagine letting go infront of peers or work collegues or anything. As much as I want understanding, it's too draining to have to explain yourself to someone who probably can't really empathize (therapists are a whole different story though). That being said, I agree with CG that you are strong (despite what you say) as many of us on this site really are and don't know it. I also think it's a good idea to consider a therapist. If you have a breakdown, it's in a safe environment. Humiliation isn't at issue. Your recovery of something lost is. It would probably benefit you in ways you can't even imagine right now. Do you ever hang out with them outside of work? Are you anxious around them? Wow. You are afraid aren't you? What of? ( I know it's probably a futile question, but maybe there is something that you haven't yet realized about the anxiety that you experience. (Notice that I didn't say "your" anxiety. It's not yours. It's an experience. Maybe someday you'll be able to trade "up" to a better kind of experience). Do you miss those things? Would you like to be able to participate in stuff like that again (without the anxiety)? How so? I am exceptionally proficient in changing moods as well, but I thought this may have been due to my being a cancer sun sign. Little did I know... So, what would it take for you to feel really happy? ;D For happy times to be bright and positive and not so bland? If you know the answer, maybe you can start to work towards it. Perhaps the people that you know would as well (if they haven't already) if you'd give them a chance. I'm sure there's someone that cares for your well being. Isn't there? Your mother, father, friend....? It sounds as though your family misses you (your brother in particular, from what you've described in earlier postings. Maybe his aggressive approach was designed to cover his hurt). Then again, I don't know your family or friends, but the point is, I'm trying to inspire you to ask questions of yourself. Stephen King is awesome! I haven't read much lately. I've been too stressed out about things. I used to read his stuff all the time (I really liked his short stories). The most recent thing I've read of his, though, was a book called "On Writing" (Not at all his typical fare). I can't really say that I fully understand the whole of what you do, but it does sound slightly dangerous (hanging over the side of a parking garage. It sounds like mountain climbing. ). Am I wrong? Thanks for taking the time to explain it though. It wasn't boring, I just didn't understand all the terms that you used. I hope you're doing alright. Hang in there! P.S. I apologize for my incessant quoting!
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Post by Hermit on Sept 5, 2004 8:48:03 GMT -5
What's to be embarrassed about? Your social skills or absence thereof? Something else? Yes I couldn't imagine letting go infront of peers or work collegues or anything. As much as I want understanding, it's too draining to have to explain yourself to someone who probably can't really empathize (therapists are a whole different story though). That being said, I agree with CG that you are strong (despite what you say) as many of us on this site really are and don't know it. I also think it's a good idea to consider a therapist. If you have a breakdown, it's in a safe environment. Humiliation isn't at issue. Your recovery of something lost is. It would probably benefit you in ways you can't even imagine right now. I know.. you and CG are both right -that i need to talk to someone about this, and i have been thinking about it. It's just that i've spent my entire life keeping it bottled up and out of sight as best i can. My instincts are screaming at me to keep things that way, no matter what rational thought tells me. Do you ever hang out with them outside of work? Are you anxious around them? I used to but it's been a couple years, outside of going out to eat on the road. It's been a long time since i've had good time at a social gathering of any kind. I don't feel anxious around my friends as long as i'm in a low stress environment, but their prescense (sp?) doesn't keep me from freaking out when i'm in more stressful situations. Wow. You are afraid aren't you? What of? ( I know it's probably a futile question, but maybe there is something that you haven't yet realized about the anxiety that you experience. (Notice that I didn't say "your" anxiety. It's not yours. It's an experience. Maybe someday you'll be able to trade "up" to a better kind of experience). Afraid of discovery -of being found out. The "why" of it is harder for me to understand. Do you miss those things? Would you like to be able to participate in stuff like that again (without the anxiety)? Part of me does. but the what hurts more than missing out on a good time, is how it's alienated me from friends and family. How so? There's a couple of reasons i feel uneasy at my folks house.. When i lived there, i used to spend most of my time in my room, and now when i go over there, i don't have my "sanctuary"to retreat to. I don't feel panicky or anything.. i just can't relax. The big issue is that while i'm there, i can't help but think about my problems and that i want to talk to my folks but can't. I can usually only take a few hours or so, before i'm itching to get away. I am exceptionally proficient in changing moods as well, but I thought this may have been due to my being a cancer sun sign. Little did I know... I haven't the faintest clue about horoscopes.. what month is Cancer? and how does the sun come into play? I'm a Virgo (born sept. 22) So, what would it take for you to feel really happy? ;D I dunno.. maybe drugs? sorry, just kidding. Perhaps the people that you know would as well (if they haven't already) if you'd give them a chance. I'm sure there's someone that cares for your well being. Isn't there? Your mother, father, friend....? It sounds as though your family misses you (your brother in particular, from what you've described in earlier postings. Maybe his aggressive approach was designed to cover his hurt). Then again, I don't know your family or friends, but the point is, I'm trying to inspire you to ask questions of yourself. I'm pretty close with both my parents and my brother. I love them dearly and i know that they know it, but i've never had a deep, or open relationship with them (or anybody) -no "heart to heart" conversations, at least not since my pre-teen years. I'd like to have that kind of relationship.. but i don't know if i have it in me. Stephen King is awesome! I haven't read much lately. I've been too stressed out about things. I used to read his stuff all the time (I really liked his short stories). The most recent thing I've read of his, though, was a book called "On Writing" (Not at all his typical fare). Too stressed out to read? that's pretty rough.. I was going to post in another topic that reading is one of my "escapes" from the pain of reality. Though if i'm in a stressful situation (or soon going to be) it's kind of hard to think about Anything else. I really dig King's writing, he manages to be "out there" and down to earth at the same time. He also seems to have a very good insight into human emotions. My favorite books of his are: Salem's Lot, The Shinning, IT, The Stand, Hearts in Atlantis, and The Long Walk. However most recently, i've been reading the Dark Tower series -it's fast becoming my favorite story ever. There are seven books to the series (no. 7 due out this month) I've read 6 of them and am eagerly awaiting the last one. It's a huge fantasic tale that ties in plots and characters from a dozen of his other novels and after having read books 1-6, i've found myself searching for others of his books that have had these tie-ins in order to get a background on DT only to find that these other books are excellent on their own.. i've been doing a Lot of reading lately. I can't really say that I fully understand the whole of what you do, but it does sound slightly dangerous (hanging over the side of a parking garage. It sounds like mountain climbing. ). Am I wrong? Thanks for taking the time to explain it though. It wasn't boring, I just didn't understand all the terms that you used. Well, it's not nearly as strenuous (or dangerous) as Mountain Climbing.. but i've seen some hairy things happen. Have you ever seen a Monopole? It's a kind of tower that almost looks like an overgrown street light with a triangular deck where the antennas are mounted. (there all over the place any more) Any way, most of these have step-bolts bolted into the side of the tower all the way up in order to climb the thing. The ones we build don't. There are slots for a "slip-in" syle of step-bolt (or peg) but instead we almost always use our "spyder" sky carts. This is a type of manbasket with it's own reel of cable that, once attached to a point on the tower, it will pull itself up -you most often see these things used to paint water towers. Our monopoles have two hooks welded underneath the deck, close to each other (about 8 inches apart) There is also a pulley system on the pole that runs through the center out the deck and down in between the two hooks underneath. On the end of the rope is a "T-bar" which is nothing more than a steel rod that attaches to our skycart's cable and is pulled up by the rope and into the two hooks which we hang the cart off of. All good in theory, except that you better be damn sure that the T-bar is setting in the hooks before you take off. Most of our trucks/crews are equipped with binoculars or scopes for this, but sometimes it's hard to see if it's hooked properly.. i've ridden on more than one cart that was only "half-hooked" where one side of the T was in but other side was underneath, and the weight of the cart rested on that side hook only by the small bracket that the rope is tied to. You can actually get these things stuck half-hooked where you have only two options: You can bite the bullet and ride up that way and then use a strap to tie the cart off to the tower in order to take the weight of the cart and loosen the cable (and the half-hooked T-bar) and place the T-bar in the hooks properly, before taking up the weight of the cart with the cable and undoing the strap from the tower. Or you can take the time to pound in step-pegs provided you have enough of them on you (two 5 gallon buckets of steel pegs approx 70- 150 depending on the height of the pole).. or tape two to your feet, carry two in your hands and climb. I hope you're doing alright. Hang in there! I'm trying, thanks for the support. You're very kind P.S. I apologize for my incessant quoting! The quotes don't bother me, but i do have a hard time keeping up in responding. I took a long time writing a response last night, only to lose it in a time out error. D'OH! Took another hour or so to redo it this morning. This time i copied it over to a word file though CaryGrant: Thanks once again for the kind words man.. as i said above i know you're both right and i haven't written off the idea of going to a therapist but it's very hard to change my deep fears against doing so. I wish i had half your motivation.
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 7, 2004 11:45:31 GMT -5
Hi Hermit - I think my motivation came from being 43, twice divorced, twice bankrupt, no accomplishments in life though I feel I'm capable of so much, and desperately afraid of never fitting in with the rest of the human race. I would not advise my path to improve your motivation. ;D
At the root of most of my fear was something you mentioned:
And this was where a good therapist was most helpful. He helped me realise that, deep down, I felt unworthy, ashamed of myself, and that I was terrified of letting go of control (I never drank or used drugs) for fear of what would come out. I believed that if people saw the "real me," they would be repulsed and reject me. The therapist was the first person I trusted when he said I was a good person, normal, etc., then that led to allowing myself to believe others. I'm plugging therapy, obviously, but I do believe it can be a huge help if you are open to it.
Best wishes to you...I know your pain.
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Sept 7, 2004 20:23:39 GMT -5
Hi! I've decided to be brief this time around, give you a rest from all my questions. I didn't really expect that you would answer them all, but I'm glad you did. I also appreciate that what was lost in the time out wasn't lost forever , due to your rewrite. "A" for effort! While I don't know that much about astrology myself, I do know that I'm a Cancer (born June 29th) and that the sun sign is the sign most people know about. For example, your sun sign is Virgo. There are other things like ascendants and things, but there, I'm at a loss. I know that Cancers are "supposed" to be moody, hence, my comment in a previous posting. I have a lot of catching up to do, it seems. I haven't read the DT series. I'll have to check out the library. I think the last one I read was Rose Madder. You've taken great pains to explain your work. Thank you. I'm now trying to figure out where I can go to see a monopole because I want to see if it will look like what I envision from your description. I sincerely hope you can find a way to communicate with your parents about the way you've been feeling. Perhaps you can write a letter to your mom and leave it where you know she'll get it. It's easier said than done, though, I know. Look! Not one question!
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Post by Hermit on Sept 7, 2004 23:21:47 GMT -5
Hi Hermit - I think my motivation came from being 43, twice divorced, twice bankrupt, no accomplishments in life though I feel I'm capable of so much, and desperately afraid of never fitting in with the rest of the human race. I would not advise my path to improve your motivation. ;D Yeah, i don't envy you the 2 divorces not sure i could take that once let alone twice.. i'm glad to know you've found your way through all that -- I think i read that you get along with at least one of your ex's ..is that true for both of them? (if you don't mind me asking) I believed that if people saw the "real me," they would be repulsed and reject me. Yes.. that's at the heart of it. Hi Cactus I didn't mind answering your questions, i appreciate your taking the time to think of and write them. -You've been very insightful. Cancers are moody, huh? -as if shy people needed help in that area heheh. The only thing i remember hearing about my sign comes from Adam Sandler in "Waterboy" -- "I'm a Virgo.. i don't like confrontations." Yeah, you've definitely got your work cut out for you if you plan on diving into Dark Tower! - but it's well worth the time spent. I haven't read Rose Madder myself, but from this Dark Tower website i visit, i've learned that it has a DT tie-in as well. (Something to do with a painting) I tend to get a little long-winded when talking about my work.. it's pretty much the only thing i do with my life so for better or worse it's what occupies my time, so if i get out of hand with the tower talk just tell me to shut up About those monopoles.. If you keep your eyes peeled while riding along the highways you'll probably have no trouble spotting one.. but depending on where you live you might only see standard "self support" style towers (3 legged) or "guyed" towers (cable supported) both of which are usually taller towers. If you're in a somewhat urban area, you're more likely to see Monopoles.. because their shorter and grouped closer together. In more rural settings the towers have to talk to each other from farther distances, mean taller towers. Well thanks again for the comments, both of you
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Sept 8, 2004 21:18:59 GMT -5
I'd never tell you to shut up....This is YOUR diary afterall. I've actually been trying to encourage you to post stuff here, but I think I'm taking up too much room in your diary....but, I can't help it so, on with the questions....heheh. Have you ever had any successes in your life? Big or little? What were they? Did they ever help you to feel less shy (even temporarily)? Thanks, btw, I'm glad I've been insightful rather than annoying.
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Post by Hermit on Sept 9, 2004 9:59:46 GMT -5
Well you're definitely not taking up too much space.. I don't think of this a diary - it's just a place for me to spew about my woes. And it's certainly a lot nicer having worthwhile discussions than just me writing about my own self-pity. I also have to admit to liking the attention as well -Anxiety keeps it me from it (or from enjoying it when i do get it) almost anywhere else. Success? I've been scratching my head and thinking back and i can't really come up with anything that amounts to anything. Other than work related things, i can't claim even small success. I've managed to sock away little money -not too much, but i guess that's a minor one. Though it's more like half of a sock these days.. Last year while i was off with a hurt back, i spent a lot of my cash-stash in paying bills and eating. I'm trying to build my bank back up but it's still not what it was.
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Sept 9, 2004 23:18:15 GMT -5
I also have to admit to liking the attention as well -Anxiety keeps it me from it (or from enjoying it when i do get it) almost anywhere else. What kind of attention do you usually get (when you do get it)? From your position of being pretty much isolated (except for work), how would you define attention? That people will actually notice that you exist or bigger things like people talking and interacting with you? I know what you mean about liking the attention here. It makes me feel pretty good to know that there are people who actually read what I write and then write back. Like you! Thanks for being the first to reply to my very first thread. I don't feel like quite such an idiot for putting it out there. It's so much easier to be myself when I'm anonymous. Nothing at all? Can you walk and talk? You learned how to do that. That's a success, although it is in the distant past I would imagine. You got your job, you've kept friends from school, you've left the house to buy stuff and come back unscathed (I hope), you've got all sorts of successes. They may sound silly, but heck, you've gotta have some...I can still do a pretty good handstand after a 14 year hiatus from gymnastics. I consider that a mini success. I went sailing and didn't dump the boat. That's a success too. Once I even got up and sang in a nightclub with a friend who was headlining. Crazy, but a success (just because I actually did it and I still can't believe it). It's not all grand with trumpets and fanfare and such, but it counts. Well, you've got me beat there. I have very little and I can't even say how scary that is. I'm actively looking to change things though. I'm looking for a new job (I'm in a dead end right now, a coffee shop, yay ), I'm going to be moving at the end of October (see I told you I was too stressed to read ). The place I am now was just to get me back on my feet after moving out from my boyfriend's place. Well, he's an ex now, but whatever... Anyway, the point is, you have a success. Hopefully, I'll have a big success soon... What happened to your back? Not a good thing for a shy, isolated person to be laid up with: A bad back. I guess you didn't get out much, huh? Hopefully all is well. I threw in some quotes this time 'cause I know you like the attention! ;D
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Post by Hermit on Sept 10, 2004 19:30:24 GMT -5
What kind of attention do you usually get (when you do get it)? From your position of being pretty much isolated (except for work), how would you define attention? That people will actually notice that you exist or bigger things like people talking and interacting with you? I know what you mean about liking the attention here. It makes me feel pretty good to know that there are people who actually read what I write and then write back. Like you! Thanks for being the first to reply to my very first thread. I don't feel like quite such an idiot for putting it out there. It's so much easier to be myself when I'm anonymous. Yeah, when i mentioned attention i was talking about bigger situations -where you have to interact on any kind of social basis. I can't handle them in most cases, and even if i do handle the conversation there's no fun in it. Nothing at all? Can you walk and talk? You learned how to do that. That's a success, although it is in the distant past I would imagine. You got your job, you've kept friends from school, you've left the house to buy stuff and come back unscathed (I hope), you've got all sorts of successes. They may sound silly, but heck, you've gotta have some...I can still do a pretty good handstand after a 14 year hiatus from gymnastics. I consider that a mini success. I went sailing and didn't dump the boat. That's a success too. Once I even got up and sang in a nightclub with a friend who was headlining. Crazy, but a success (just because I actually did it and I still can't believe it). It's not all grand with trumpets and fanfare and such, but it counts. You were a gymnist? Wow.. I imagine that's something that takes a lot of dedication. Were you serious about it, or just in it for fun? What area of gymnastics were you in? (I know a little about the various events from watching the olympics) I was always impressed by those floor maneuvers - running at top speed and leaping into multiple flips and rolls. Very impressive to watch, but hard to imagine doing! ;D I'm equally impressed by the fact that you got up in front of a crowd at a nightclub and sang! That's no small feat for a shy person. I can't in my wildest dreams, imagine pulling off anything like that (assuming of course, that i could sing in the first place! ;D ) What happened to your back? Not a good thing for a shy, isolated person to be laid up with: A bad back. I guess you didn't get out much, huh? Hopefully all is well. I threw in some quotes this time 'cause I know you like the attention! ;D I'm not sure what i did to my back.. The day it started hurting me, there was never any accident that caused it. We had to carry a desk across a long parking lot, but it didn't hurt after we moved it. I think it'd probably been coming on for a long time and just decided to start hurting that day. I started feeling a little sore on my right side just above the hip and extending down into the right side of my rear end and upper thigh. It wasn't agony.. but it wouldn't go away either. After a couple of weeks of discomfort, i decided to see a chiropractor. He took some X-rays and showed me a couple of spots where my vertabrae were twisted out of alignment. I went to him for several sessions, but it caused even worse pain rather than help matters. I was in bad shape for awhile there -popping vicodens (vicadins) (sp?) every night in order to get some sleep. Stopped going to the chiropractor and went to regular doctor, who sent me to a therapist - who showed me a couple different stretches to strenghten the muscles around the sore spot and to work my back -back into shape. I kept with it for awhile and it certainly helped with the pain, but since it gotten to a more i've slacked off on the excercises, though i know i should keep up on them. I'm terrible about keeping up with that kinda thing
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Sept 11, 2004 1:28:12 GMT -5
Yeah, when i mentioned attention i was talking about bigger situations -where you have to interact on any kind of social basis. I can't handle them in most cases, and even if i do handle the conversation there's no fun in it. Do the people you interact with ever smile at you or anything? Does that make you feel a little more at ease or no? I was serious about it, but it was only at the high school level. I did some form of pratice almost every day after school for years. I was on a school team and we competed with other schools. I won first place on the balance beam once. I had to do a routine that required a variation on a handstand and it was great! I never really understood how I could be so good at the complicated stuff (I can be really clumsy sometimes ;D) and not so good at average stuff. I did a little bit of everything, but I focused mostly on the beam. Imagine what I'd have turned out like, if I didn't pratice all that graceful stuff over the years. Ugg! I'd be a danger to everyone! The worst part of it all was that we all had to wear leotards for competitions (in front of lots of people). Yuck! If there's anything worse that wearing a bathing suit, it's got to be wearing a leotard. Don't be too impressed. When you can't breathe, you can't sing and when I get nervous, I can't breathe. I did alright, but not the best I could have. I'm also so shy that I kind of gave up on my singing. I studied with different vocal coaches for years, but I never could get over the shyness and nervousness to pursue something that I love. That's not impressive of me at all. I still consider what I did do a success though. Is that what they call sciatica? It sounds like it from your description of where the pain was/is. You should definitely keep up the excercises. It may seem like a pain in the butt , but otherwise it will come back to haunt you....and who wants to be in physical pain on top of all the emotional pain?
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 13, 2004 12:21:55 GMT -5
Hi Hermit - I'm friends with the second ex, probably because she was a closer match for me, with a better character. After we split (she dumped me, where I initiated the split in the first marriage), she wanted to be friends but I just couldn't handle it. It took me several months of no contact to get over the anger, sorrow, etc. I guess I was grieving.
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