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Post by Alecto on Mar 24, 2004 9:16:43 GMT -5
This weekend, my boyfriend decided to call up a couple of friends that we haven't seen in over 3 years. Although they seemed pretty comfortable with each other, I had a bit of trouble fitting in.
The girl didn't even say anything to me, besides "hello" and "goodbye". I know she isn't a shy person because I've known here for over 10 years, although we've never been really close. I don't know what to make of it. She was very talkative to my boyfriend, and the other guy.
The truth is I felt really out of place during the whole situation. With her ignoring me, and the guys pretty much exchanging stupid jokes and small insults around us. I didn't feel really comfortable.
Also I was sick that night, and probably shouldn't have gone out anyway, usually my boyfriend would have been more sympathetic, but they're were a lot of jokes about my breathing problems, and coughing up my lungs. (which really sucks because the next morning I was rushed to the hospital for breathing treatments)
Anyway, I pretty much think my boyfriend is a jerk when we are out with a group of people. He's always trying to come up with something "funny" to say, and its either not funny, or just plain rude.
Okay, I'm done rambling,ranting or what ever I'm doing. I just wanted to get all this off my chest.
*Alecto
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Post by Jarous on Mar 24, 2004 14:25:44 GMT -5
This weekend, my boyfriend decided to call up a couple of friends that we haven't seen in over 3 years. Although they seemed pretty comfortable with each other, I had a bit of trouble fitting in. Alecto, if it would comfort you, I have major problems fitting in. I have found people feel better knowing there are some who are even worse off. Not everyone will be your friend. I know this is hard sometimes (many times - right) but if people don't immediately see our good points it's entirely upon us to show them their initial mistake. Of course if they reply to all your attempts at conversations in obviously uninterested ways there's no point in going on. All that applies provided the person isn't shy. I, for example, not rarely reply seemingly bored crying for discouse inside... All too common with shy people. If I tell my friends I feel out of place and uncomfortable they never seem to understand. Did the other couple know you are shy? The boys ought to have included you in their activity. That wasn't quite considerate, was it? It's especially common among males that they build often false macho image with their male friends. Doing that they forget about what really matters to their real selfs. But then - which self is real?
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Ghost
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Post by Ghost on Mar 24, 2004 17:00:58 GMT -5
That girl obvious was not interested in making contact Alecto. My postive thought would be that she just didn't knew you well and didn't quite knew what to make of you and what to "do" with you. So she chose the easy way: ignoring because she was too lazy to make proper contact. I sometimes show little interest, give sober answers, because I don't feel like talking for some reason. Perhaps she had the same. My negative thought would be that she was there for the boys, because she knew them and not you and felt perhaps that you were like a intruder in their lclose group and ignored you on purpose because she felt like you didn't "belong" in with their "close buddyhood". Never mind her. To be honest, I think this is a example what may cause friction between a rather withdrawn/shy person and a outgoing/ok person. The outgoing one will be sympathetic if he knows of the shyness, but sometimes it can become that person too much, that his other half doesn't have the guts to do the things he wants to do at times and decides to do something he really wants for a change, not holding back or keeping the feelings of the shy person in much consideration. It seems like your boyfriend tries a bit too much to be entertaining and funny. Does he know that you really dislike it? Have you talked with him about it? I think that I would snap at some point if he kept making fun of me with other people around. As a shy person self esteem isn't at social area that high and it doesn't get any better if I would sit around quiet while my guy would make fun of me. If your boyfriend knows about your shyness, he should not do such things and instead try to motivate you to anticipate conversations and if you feel you say something out of place, that he will jump into it and help out. I agree with Jarous. Period
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Post by Alecto on Mar 24, 2004 19:38:38 GMT -5
Actually the girl doesn't know my boyfriend that well. She's only met him twice. I've known her since elementary school. So I do know her some what. We used to be real close when we were a lot younger. The guy I've only known about 3 years and went to my highschool.
My boyfriend, has never gone to school with any of them. I'm the one that actually introduced them. Yet, for some reason, he gets along with them better than I do.
Yes I know my boyfriend like most guys has this tendancy to make jokes to feel macho. But it's not like this when we're out with his other friends. Usually then its all about cars, and video games. It just seemed at this point all the jokes were made at my and the other girls expense.
Actually I didn't really sit around and be quiet while my boyfriend was making fun of me. I did slap him a few dozen times..
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Ghost
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Posts: 220
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Post by Ghost on Mar 24, 2004 20:17:22 GMT -5
Your boyfriend may come over more open, that may be the reason why they connected better with him. Perhaps your guy tries to impress the "unfamiliar male" by playing macho. That's how it goes with some animals too (couldn't leave the animals out of it ). I did slap him a few dozen times.. In that case...slap more and harder! ;D Or threaten him that you will cut his hair when he is asleep if he doesn't stop it (cut a real lock of hair, to scare him and say "This is only the beginning" followed by a mad scientists laugh). Or that you will punch him in his unmentionables if he provokes your fury (pardon the pun ;D). Btw, you're feeling better again, right? With the breathing?
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Post by Alecto on Mar 24, 2004 20:29:31 GMT -5
Haha, yes cut his precious hair. I could do that. Although I would not be attracted to him at that point.
I could hit harder in certain areas, but then I would probably feel bad afterwords. ;D
My breathing is alright for right now. It has mostly been bothering me at nights, and early mornings when I wake up. Its a pain though, I haven't been able to lay down to sleep in months. I have to keep myself propped up, and some nights I have to sleep in a chair. Hopefully going to the lung specialist will get this taken care of ;D
I am trying to be more open and friendly to them. I was considering asking the girl to come and hang out at the mall with me, some time next week.
Although after what happened on Sunday, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea or not.
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Post by Jarous on Mar 25, 2004 15:49:14 GMT -5
I could hit harder in certain areas, but then I would probably feel bad afterwords. ;D If hitting's what you want, target his ego :-) That's where it hurts most. Think of the consequencies beforehand, though.
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Post by Alecto on Mar 25, 2004 16:33:53 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to hurt his ego, I know how guys are about that. Hitting him physically doesnt really hurt him though, most of the time he thinks its funny
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Post by Hermit on Mar 25, 2004 17:49:07 GMT -5
Hi Alecto
I hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in.. i'm pretty useless as far as advice, i'm just wondering about a couple of things..
Do you think it possible that the girl was uncomfortable towards you, without being shy in general or about the situation? I just mean maybe the fact that you two were friends before and grew apart caused tension for her that day. Or was she right along with the others enjoying jokes at your expense?
Either way i'd say your boyfriend has some serious appologizing to do, if he hasn't already. Making jokes about something that causes you pain to the point of having breathing troubles seems very cruel to me.
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Post by Alecto on Mar 25, 2004 19:18:05 GMT -5
Hermit. It could have been she felt uncomfortable also. since it had been a while since we saw each other.
It was pretty much the guys who were making all the jokes though,
I think I got my boyfriend taken care of though
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Post by spitzig on Mar 26, 2004 4:01:56 GMT -5
I'd say hurting his ego would be more likely to have a negative effect on the relationship(I say that not really knowing the relationship). Open expression of emotions is good. Him being an asshole--after he knows your reactions--is bad.
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Post by Alecto on Mar 26, 2004 9:17:22 GMT -5
I know that's why I'm trying not to hurt is ego.
I've been with him for 4 years so, I know how far I can go by punishing him.. Besides I'm gonna have a long talk with him about this teasing stuff while he's over here this weekend..
Wish me luck ;D
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Post by Alecto on Mar 29, 2004 8:34:42 GMT -5
Well, I went to the bridal shower last night for my friend.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I only knew 2 people at the party,(my friend and her roommate) so I mostly stayed and talked to them the whole time.
The only thing that really bothered me were the games. I just feel so strange playing them for some reason. Like if I win, or lose, do I have to do anything embarassing?
Thankfully that didn't happen.
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Post by Alecto on Mar 30, 2004 8:25:52 GMT -5
Today I ask myself the question:
"What the hell happened to me"
Let me explain, recently my grandma converted all our home movies to dvd and gave out copies to everyone.
Last night I was bored so I decided to check out a few of them. On the tapes I am between the ages of 4 and 10, I'm very active and always want to be in front the camera and sing and talk. Everyone else seemed to want them to turn it off but not me, I loved it for some strange reason.
I just wonder what changed about me, I'm not talkative like that anymore, and it is kinda confusing as to why
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Post by Hermit on Mar 30, 2004 10:28:29 GMT -5
That's an interesting question..
I can remember being much more outgoing when i was much younger, in those days it was hard to get me to shut up. I can remember sitting at the top of the tree outside our house calling out childish insults to my older brother at the top of my lungs. Not a whole lot of shyness there..
Somewhere around the teen years was when things started to go south.
Were we born this way, and as we grew older, and more aware of ourselves, the self-consciousness set in? Or was it that event(s) in our life shaped us in a way that lead to shyness?
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