Post by anonomie on Jun 14, 2004 12:10:17 GMT -5
Hello,
I am new here and I just wanted to diary a bit. I just graduated from college a year ago and am in grad school. I went to a small school and made a couple pals, but long story short, those relationships didn't work out. One particular friend turned out to be totally selfish and conceited and outright manipulative bordering on psychologically abusive... the funny thing is that she used to be shy and she uses her so-called social skills to be caniving and manipulative. Needless to say the loss has been extremely difficult.
In all sencerity,
Anonomie
Moving on... I finally accepted that my friendships and college life are over. I ended up going to grad school right out of college. I spent my whole senior year preparing relentlessly. I read all I could etc, etc. talked to profs, etc. etc. Then I arrive at grad school at this really wealthy very prestigious school where it is BEYOND petrifying. I am moderately shy, but I enjoy people and socializing a lot. The grad school I'm at is however EXTREMELY competitive. I hate it because I am highly confident in my academic competence to 'compete,' so much so that I just didn't even get into all that academic competitiveness... however, people here are HIGHLY socially competitive and AGRESSIVE! Althogugh I am shy, I muster up smiles on a regular basis and formed the habit of studying in the school's lab and through that see just about every one come and go and make small talk with everyone. However, the school is so DAMN CLIQUEY that no one will take the EXTRA step to try to be friends.
For a while I chalked it up to my shyness, but then upon talking to some a number of others (undergraduates as well), it was confirmed that the social behavior there is part of the so-called politics of the school. I've been lovingly told that you either 'conform' and 'play the game' or get CRUSHED! Although they say politics is part of everything, I am still devistated by the experience. I've never been in a place so superficial and outright back-stabbing. Like, you have a great conversation with someone that you think will begin a friendship, but then that person never talks to you again and acts like you're invisible. The next minute they're stealing your homework and plagiarizing your research. I HAAAAATTTTEEEE not being able to trust any damn body!!!! I know the reason I can't make friends is because everyone here is out for their own and looking out for number one trying to get ahead and be rich. No doubt, I want to succeed, but I am not willing to do it by ANY MEANS. It seems like that's the difference. It seems like at this school you have to show that you're willing to be a shady politician in order to get ahead. I broke down in tears because the emotional stress caused a host of issues that stopped me from passing a class that I had to take this summer. I was so repulsed by the thought of having to CONTINUE to be in THAT environment that I broke down in tears in the hall way on the way to class (luckily no one walked by). Everyone here just dismisses me in this high schoolish, "you're not cool like us way." I've heard that basically small talk here is a full-blown assessment. People talk to others and socialize to see what you've got to offer and if they don't think you have power, money, or status... you'll never be "part of the in crowd."
Anyway, I have been on the censorship free discussion board for shyness and here at shy united to hopefully make some friends as the school situation has been so volotile as to almost nearly obliterate my self-esteem that I had worked up through finding myself in college.
Since I moved from a small town to a big city for school, I have found it hard to make friends since I live in off-campus in an apartment where everyone's a working adult with kids, etc. etc. Anyway, I'm ready to have friends and have gained a lot in the time I've been on shyness sites like this one. In any case, I am just looking for genuine, generally emotionally healthy people who are good-natured to go out with and share my love of coffee and coffee shop visiting. Well, if you got this far in the reading feel free to e-mail or post replies on here any time if interested in building some rapport and starting friendships.
I am new here and I just wanted to diary a bit. I just graduated from college a year ago and am in grad school. I went to a small school and made a couple pals, but long story short, those relationships didn't work out. One particular friend turned out to be totally selfish and conceited and outright manipulative bordering on psychologically abusive... the funny thing is that she used to be shy and she uses her so-called social skills to be caniving and manipulative. Needless to say the loss has been extremely difficult.
In all sencerity,
Anonomie
Moving on... I finally accepted that my friendships and college life are over. I ended up going to grad school right out of college. I spent my whole senior year preparing relentlessly. I read all I could etc, etc. talked to profs, etc. etc. Then I arrive at grad school at this really wealthy very prestigious school where it is BEYOND petrifying. I am moderately shy, but I enjoy people and socializing a lot. The grad school I'm at is however EXTREMELY competitive. I hate it because I am highly confident in my academic competence to 'compete,' so much so that I just didn't even get into all that academic competitiveness... however, people here are HIGHLY socially competitive and AGRESSIVE! Althogugh I am shy, I muster up smiles on a regular basis and formed the habit of studying in the school's lab and through that see just about every one come and go and make small talk with everyone. However, the school is so DAMN CLIQUEY that no one will take the EXTRA step to try to be friends.
For a while I chalked it up to my shyness, but then upon talking to some a number of others (undergraduates as well), it was confirmed that the social behavior there is part of the so-called politics of the school. I've been lovingly told that you either 'conform' and 'play the game' or get CRUSHED! Although they say politics is part of everything, I am still devistated by the experience. I've never been in a place so superficial and outright back-stabbing. Like, you have a great conversation with someone that you think will begin a friendship, but then that person never talks to you again and acts like you're invisible. The next minute they're stealing your homework and plagiarizing your research. I HAAAAATTTTEEEE not being able to trust any damn body!!!! I know the reason I can't make friends is because everyone here is out for their own and looking out for number one trying to get ahead and be rich. No doubt, I want to succeed, but I am not willing to do it by ANY MEANS. It seems like that's the difference. It seems like at this school you have to show that you're willing to be a shady politician in order to get ahead. I broke down in tears because the emotional stress caused a host of issues that stopped me from passing a class that I had to take this summer. I was so repulsed by the thought of having to CONTINUE to be in THAT environment that I broke down in tears in the hall way on the way to class (luckily no one walked by). Everyone here just dismisses me in this high schoolish, "you're not cool like us way." I've heard that basically small talk here is a full-blown assessment. People talk to others and socialize to see what you've got to offer and if they don't think you have power, money, or status... you'll never be "part of the in crowd."
Anyway, I have been on the censorship free discussion board for shyness and here at shy united to hopefully make some friends as the school situation has been so volotile as to almost nearly obliterate my self-esteem that I had worked up through finding myself in college.
Since I moved from a small town to a big city for school, I have found it hard to make friends since I live in off-campus in an apartment where everyone's a working adult with kids, etc. etc. Anyway, I'm ready to have friends and have gained a lot in the time I've been on shyness sites like this one. In any case, I am just looking for genuine, generally emotionally healthy people who are good-natured to go out with and share my love of coffee and coffee shop visiting. Well, if you got this far in the reading feel free to e-mail or post replies on here any time if interested in building some rapport and starting friendships.