Post by chimera on Jun 28, 2004 17:22:52 GMT -5
I'm glad I found this place. It's encouraging to read the posts and being able to fully relate.
So here's kind of how I feel my shyness has hindered me from leading a life that I want to live...I hope some people will be able to relate with what I write.
Until a few years ago, most people were not familiar with terms like 'social anxiety' or 'social phobia'. To them, people like us were simply just 'shy'. They probably thought being shy was a choice we made, rather than realizing that for many of us, social anxiety is a crippling (for a lack of a better word) affliction.
A lot of people thought I was just choosing to be shy, and told me to basically "snap out of it". Little did they know it's MUCH easier said than done. Like many of you who have tried to become more outgoing know, it's impossible to just wake up one morning and decide to be outgoing. It's a very slow and tedious process...one where very few people achieve success.
School... I feel like I've wasted away my school years. In the beginning, a lot of kids kept asking repetitive questions like, "How come you're so quiet?" I never knew how to answer that question. After awhile though, everyone probably just knew me as being shy and didn't think much of it. A couple of times, I wanted to try and be a bit outgoing, like initiate small talk with a classmate or something. But I was never able to gather up enough courage to do so...I felt it would just draw unwanted attention, like "Wow, that girl who never talks just said something!" I knew the initial surprise would eventually go away, but I didn't like the idea of enduring it anyway.
I was never able to make a really good friend. There were some people who tried to befriend me, and include me in their activities, but I always made excuses to avoid them, like "I forgot" or "I have to help my parents with something". In retrospect, I just want to kick myself for not taking advantage of those opportunities. If only I was brave enough to just take that first step, let my guard down a little bit, and at least TRY to be less shy... I feel I could have made my high school years less terrible than it should have been.
Very often, I feel and tell myself I'm a failure...a disappointment...to my family, and to myself. My parents' friends' kids are all very outgoing and have busy social lives. I sometimes feel that my parents are even embarrassed about me, because I have no friends and lack even a basic grasp of social skills. It hurts me so much, to know that I've failed my parents...they're not even asking for much. They just want to see me happy, rather than being cooped up inside the house all day and being miserable 'cause I have no real friend to hang out with.
Even doing small errands for my parents, like going to the grocery store to buy milk or making a hair appointment over the phone, is so hard sometimes. I dread it so much. I dread having to walk into the store, feeling like all eyes are on me and that I'm being negatively judged in the eyes of others. I dread having to talk on the phone, worrying if my voice is going to sound shaky and if the other person is going to detect nervousness in my voice. I just have to force myself to do it and keep reassuring myself that "It won't be that bad."
Currently, I'm going to attend a local university...but my original intention was to attend an out-of-state college, a place where I wouldn't have to run into kids I knew from high school, a place where I could "start over". I hoped it would be easier to work on being less shy if I could practice with people who didn't know me at all, people who had no preconceived opinions about me being shy. But after some thought, I felt I just wasn't fully emotionally and socially mature enough to be on my own...miles away from the comforts of family and home. So, I can only hope college life will be a better experience and incite happier memories for me than high school did. And the only way that will happen is if I shed some of this shyness and take some risks. blah, easier said than done.
So here's kind of how I feel my shyness has hindered me from leading a life that I want to live...I hope some people will be able to relate with what I write.
Until a few years ago, most people were not familiar with terms like 'social anxiety' or 'social phobia'. To them, people like us were simply just 'shy'. They probably thought being shy was a choice we made, rather than realizing that for many of us, social anxiety is a crippling (for a lack of a better word) affliction.
A lot of people thought I was just choosing to be shy, and told me to basically "snap out of it". Little did they know it's MUCH easier said than done. Like many of you who have tried to become more outgoing know, it's impossible to just wake up one morning and decide to be outgoing. It's a very slow and tedious process...one where very few people achieve success.
School... I feel like I've wasted away my school years. In the beginning, a lot of kids kept asking repetitive questions like, "How come you're so quiet?" I never knew how to answer that question. After awhile though, everyone probably just knew me as being shy and didn't think much of it. A couple of times, I wanted to try and be a bit outgoing, like initiate small talk with a classmate or something. But I was never able to gather up enough courage to do so...I felt it would just draw unwanted attention, like "Wow, that girl who never talks just said something!" I knew the initial surprise would eventually go away, but I didn't like the idea of enduring it anyway.
I was never able to make a really good friend. There were some people who tried to befriend me, and include me in their activities, but I always made excuses to avoid them, like "I forgot" or "I have to help my parents with something". In retrospect, I just want to kick myself for not taking advantage of those opportunities. If only I was brave enough to just take that first step, let my guard down a little bit, and at least TRY to be less shy... I feel I could have made my high school years less terrible than it should have been.
Very often, I feel and tell myself I'm a failure...a disappointment...to my family, and to myself. My parents' friends' kids are all very outgoing and have busy social lives. I sometimes feel that my parents are even embarrassed about me, because I have no friends and lack even a basic grasp of social skills. It hurts me so much, to know that I've failed my parents...they're not even asking for much. They just want to see me happy, rather than being cooped up inside the house all day and being miserable 'cause I have no real friend to hang out with.
Even doing small errands for my parents, like going to the grocery store to buy milk or making a hair appointment over the phone, is so hard sometimes. I dread it so much. I dread having to walk into the store, feeling like all eyes are on me and that I'm being negatively judged in the eyes of others. I dread having to talk on the phone, worrying if my voice is going to sound shaky and if the other person is going to detect nervousness in my voice. I just have to force myself to do it and keep reassuring myself that "It won't be that bad."
Currently, I'm going to attend a local university...but my original intention was to attend an out-of-state college, a place where I wouldn't have to run into kids I knew from high school, a place where I could "start over". I hoped it would be easier to work on being less shy if I could practice with people who didn't know me at all, people who had no preconceived opinions about me being shy. But after some thought, I felt I just wasn't fully emotionally and socially mature enough to be on my own...miles away from the comforts of family and home. So, I can only hope college life will be a better experience and incite happier memories for me than high school did. And the only way that will happen is if I shed some of this shyness and take some risks. blah, easier said than done.
Ok, why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous? Because they're alkies. I know it's easy to say, but there's no point being ashamed or embarassed about a part of you - like the shy part. It just is. Doesn't mean you're not working on it. Why try to call it a different name or ignore it, or expect others to do so?
I can tell you I feel REALLY miserable to come back home...it's like shyness starts being one of the only things existing in my day! Take care and cheer up!!! 
". This is something intensely embarrassing yet the boffins claim I bring it on myself. I guess they're right. I mean - the heat in the cheeks, and the feeling that EVERYBODY IS AMAZED at how red they've gone, is like --> hell.