Post by wheelswithinwheels on Sept 29, 2004 3:56:32 GMT -5
I’ve been lurking here a while, but only recently have I registered and started posting.
I find it reassuring that there are lots of people just like me. I see this site as more of a place to vent off frustration, because asking shy people for advice on social interaction is like asking Al Gore to be your campaign manager. But anyway…
I’m a 21 year-old male college student from Ohio. I haven’t had someone I could honestly call a friend since I was about 11. I don’t really need friends, I suppose, as pretty much nothing I enjoy doing requires friends. Although I wouldn’t shun anyone. I’m just not actively seeking out friendships. Obviously, I’ve never dated. That is a higher priority for me than friendship, but I have to work on myself first, as I surely don’t want to expose someone else to the Jackson Pollock painting that is my inner being.
As for my personal appearance, I don’t know what to think. I’m 6’2”, 180 lbs, I have a normal looking figure I suppose (I look much better with a shirt on than off, but perhaps that’s more information than anyone here needed). When I look in the mirror I guess I see someone kind of anonymous, not attractive, not unattractive, just a face in the crowd (although I am in dire need of a haircut, and I plan to get one soon). I don’t think girls find me good-looking, although I’m so socially inept I might be misinterpreting everything (I am currently under the delusion that one of my TAs is flirting with me, but she's probably just thinking of a proper description to give to the police, because as we all know, loner = serial killer).
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, or as I like to call it, “getting my s*** together.” I’ve decided devoted the entire year of 2004 to what my therapist refers to as “self-improvement.” I’ve started to seriously think about what I want to do with my life and how college figures into it. I started exercising and dropped some weight. I started therapy. And I’ve started to think a lot about myself. I’m questioning whether or not I’m even shy, maybe I’m just introverted. There’s a thin line between the two.
However, as much as I dislike interaction with others and how little social needs I have, there are times when I’m very lonely and there are times when I want to speak up, but am too afraid to. If I’m lonely, I’m not content with being by myself, but I’m afraid when I’m not by myself. I think that means that shyness is a major factor.
I’m not ready to give up. Although I might feel otherwise quite a bit, I know I have what it takes to change and not be so socially anxious. There are some times when I feel incredibly confident, and times when I feel so scared I need to hide. I think I need to learn to take advantage of when I’m feeling incredibly confident.
I’m really tired, so I’m going to quit writing now. I’ll check in later.
I find it reassuring that there are lots of people just like me. I see this site as more of a place to vent off frustration, because asking shy people for advice on social interaction is like asking Al Gore to be your campaign manager. But anyway…
I’m a 21 year-old male college student from Ohio. I haven’t had someone I could honestly call a friend since I was about 11. I don’t really need friends, I suppose, as pretty much nothing I enjoy doing requires friends. Although I wouldn’t shun anyone. I’m just not actively seeking out friendships. Obviously, I’ve never dated. That is a higher priority for me than friendship, but I have to work on myself first, as I surely don’t want to expose someone else to the Jackson Pollock painting that is my inner being.
As for my personal appearance, I don’t know what to think. I’m 6’2”, 180 lbs, I have a normal looking figure I suppose (I look much better with a shirt on than off, but perhaps that’s more information than anyone here needed). When I look in the mirror I guess I see someone kind of anonymous, not attractive, not unattractive, just a face in the crowd (although I am in dire need of a haircut, and I plan to get one soon). I don’t think girls find me good-looking, although I’m so socially inept I might be misinterpreting everything (I am currently under the delusion that one of my TAs is flirting with me, but she's probably just thinking of a proper description to give to the police, because as we all know, loner = serial killer).
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, or as I like to call it, “getting my s*** together.” I’ve decided devoted the entire year of 2004 to what my therapist refers to as “self-improvement.” I’ve started to seriously think about what I want to do with my life and how college figures into it. I started exercising and dropped some weight. I started therapy. And I’ve started to think a lot about myself. I’m questioning whether or not I’m even shy, maybe I’m just introverted. There’s a thin line between the two.
However, as much as I dislike interaction with others and how little social needs I have, there are times when I’m very lonely and there are times when I want to speak up, but am too afraid to. If I’m lonely, I’m not content with being by myself, but I’m afraid when I’m not by myself. I think that means that shyness is a major factor.
I’m not ready to give up. Although I might feel otherwise quite a bit, I know I have what it takes to change and not be so socially anxious. There are some times when I feel incredibly confident, and times when I feel so scared I need to hide. I think I need to learn to take advantage of when I’m feeling incredibly confident.
I’m really tired, so I’m going to quit writing now. I’ll check in later.