Post by SilentShadow on Nov 16, 2004 12:44:31 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
after being a member here for several months I decided I should take time to post more about myself.
I've been shy for as long as I can remember. I didn't have many friends when I was growing up, I mostly kept to myself. I wasnt picked on much as a kid, but I was largely ignored by everyone else, I was just another face in the crowd.
Once I made it to high-school, things started to gradually change. I made some new friends (who I still hang around with when I can) and began applying myself more and more to my education. What troubled me in high-school was the mentality of my fellow students. So many ignorant people, I really hated it. I seen alot of my old friends turn to drugs and alcohol, it wasnt a great time in my life.
Alot of my new friends started dating and most of them had lost their virginity before I even showed any interest in girls at all! There were so many good-looking people at high-school, it made me feel inferior and unwanted.
And then tragedy struck my personal life. Half-way through my 4 years ar high school, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I feel into a depression, I couldn't work, I couldn't do anything right. The months went by and his condition got worse and worse, still I never told anyone about it. I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life. I refused to talk about my feelings and I just tried my best to mentally escape the situation. I spent my summer vacation at home with my family, taking care of my father who had never shown me ANY love or ANY sign of affection.
He died on the 24th of august 2002. one week later, I had to go back to school. I still felt all closed in on myself. The more I thought about my dad, the worse I felt. I started to hate myself and everything I did. I lost interest in everything and lost my will to communicate with others.
since then, I have been a shy recluse. Unable to make new friends and unable to shake this horrible self-image I have of myself.
that's all I have to say for now. Hopefully my insecurities will go away in time. For now, I just try to keep busy and escape my everyday pain.
after being a member here for several months I decided I should take time to post more about myself.
I've been shy for as long as I can remember. I didn't have many friends when I was growing up, I mostly kept to myself. I wasnt picked on much as a kid, but I was largely ignored by everyone else, I was just another face in the crowd.
Once I made it to high-school, things started to gradually change. I made some new friends (who I still hang around with when I can) and began applying myself more and more to my education. What troubled me in high-school was the mentality of my fellow students. So many ignorant people, I really hated it. I seen alot of my old friends turn to drugs and alcohol, it wasnt a great time in my life.
Alot of my new friends started dating and most of them had lost their virginity before I even showed any interest in girls at all! There were so many good-looking people at high-school, it made me feel inferior and unwanted.
And then tragedy struck my personal life. Half-way through my 4 years ar high school, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I feel into a depression, I couldn't work, I couldn't do anything right. The months went by and his condition got worse and worse, still I never told anyone about it. I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life. I refused to talk about my feelings and I just tried my best to mentally escape the situation. I spent my summer vacation at home with my family, taking care of my father who had never shown me ANY love or ANY sign of affection.
He died on the 24th of august 2002. one week later, I had to go back to school. I still felt all closed in on myself. The more I thought about my dad, the worse I felt. I started to hate myself and everything I did. I lost interest in everything and lost my will to communicate with others.
since then, I have been a shy recluse. Unable to make new friends and unable to shake this horrible self-image I have of myself.
that's all I have to say for now. Hopefully my insecurities will go away in time. For now, I just try to keep busy and escape my everyday pain.