peekaboo
Full Member
I can fly, I can fly!!
Posts: 149
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Post by peekaboo on Dec 5, 2004 17:45:44 GMT -5
I am a 22 year old single attractive female. I have been shy since I don't know when I have never been on a date I've never kissed nor had sex with a guy or anyone. I appreciate this website because I was truly at my wits end. Currently I stay at home with my parents I am the oldest of three siblings one brother who is 16 and lives at home... both of my younger sisters who are 21 and 18 have moved off to college and have made my parents very proud for some reason its like my parents always try to shove everything that my sisters do down my throat!!! My parents own a cleaning business and because I don't have a job at the time... I help them although I am not getting paid!! Well I take that back I might get 10bucks for the month but my dad says its because I stay at home for free. But I don't have a car and have recently filled out a few applications and had one job interview but during the interview I was nervous and forgot some of the answers.. that I had rehearsed beforehand so of course I didn't get the job. Right now I am so depressed because I don't know what to do...its hard for me to fit in this world.. I don't know where I belong and have at times contemplated sucide. I love my family but I hate family gathereings...because everybody is extroverted so most of the times when everybody is home I'll chill for with them for awhile and return to my safe haven/my room Ahhhh....its like a breath of fresh air. My siblings are normal they all have friends go to parties... have each been involved in relationships with the opposite sex..and are doing something with their lives. I wish I could do the same but its like I'm in a dark hole and my life feels likes its spiraling down down down into the dark abyss of nothingness. Tell me what's a girl to do? With no where to go, no transportation or a job and on top of that my parents get all up in my face telling me to get out and make some friends be this be that!!! Open up! Then before you know it... I'm being compared to this sister and that sister. I'm hurting.... I feel like all of my strenghth has been sucked out of me and I just wish that God or someone would send me an angel or something to help me through this hard time in my life. Cuz I'm tired...I've tried to push myself to do things that would make my parents happy every since I was a little girl...my dad didn't want me dating or acting frisky so I learned how to control myself. I can't remember a time that I've ever flirted with a guy. When I was younger my parents wouldn't let me go anywhere besides the movies and now they expect me to be Mrs. Outgoing this is crazy... they put to many restrictions on me as a child and frightened the living hell out of me to the point where I don't want to do anything. I don't know if this is the case really because I think that I'm shy and introverted. I've never been one to have many friends and fit-in with the crowd. I pray that my parents will just except me for me and stop trying to change me because it is very depressing!! *sighs* Is there anyone out there like me?? Or going through anything similar?
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Post by Medici on Dec 5, 2004 18:36:05 GMT -5
I don't know, my parents pretty much left me alone, but I have had many of the same feelings as you. I'm the oldest of 3 brothers and there were never any comparisons made between us by my parents.
On my first attempt at college I ended up dropping out and then I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere - totally spiralling down. I was really pissed off all the time. Somehow I got a job making $8/hour stocking wine and stuff at a big wine store. I'd work there all day and then come home filled with rage. Of course I never showed any of that, I kept it all in. I never did anything but work and exercise. I saved up $15,000 and left the state, my parents, and moved away to another college that I got into. Having some distance, and being busy with things I forgot about my family and the effects they had on me and I was able to grow a lot.
So I would say if you are really getting killed by your folks and you are 22 years old, moving away is a good idea. It may take you some time and you might have to work some crappy jobs along the way but the more independant you become I think you will be happier. Even if no other place will take you, McDonald's will take you and there's really no shame in starting out somewhere like that. Somehow you have to get on your way out. When your parents deal with you as an independent adult instead of a dependent kid liviing in their house they are much nicer to you.
You may pray to God, and I don't know if He hears us or not, but wishing for someone to come along and sweep you away, as good as that may feel, doesn't really amount to anything.
As for never having even kissed anyone at 22, I was in that same boat at that age and it really sucked. That alone held me back from haing friends because eventually they get to talking about what you've done with the opposite sex and I would have to lie.
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Post by shyusa on Dec 5, 2004 19:30:32 GMT -5
RE: Is there anyone out there like me?? Or going through anything similar? I am except im a man does that make you feel any better. i have a job, car and im semi happy never get depressed but i had to work 10 times as hard as regular people to get where i am today. it makes me proud of what ive accomplished. left you a message in your box read it
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peekaboo
Full Member
I can fly, I can fly!!
Posts: 149
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Post by peekaboo on Dec 5, 2004 20:23:15 GMT -5
RE: Is there anyone out there like me?? Or going through anything similar? I am except im a man does that make you feel any better. i have a job, car and im semi happy never get depressed but i had to work 10 times as hard as regular people to get where i am today. it makes me proud of what ive accomplished. left you a message in your box read it Where's my box?
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Derrick
Full Member
Lost Soul
Posts: 241
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Post by Derrick on Dec 6, 2004 21:06:39 GMT -5
up at the very top of the screen it will tell you if you have new messages.
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Post by Michael1973 on Dec 7, 2004 9:02:26 GMT -5
Hi Peekaboo. I can easily relate to your situation very easily, even though mine isn't exactly the same. I am 31 and my younger brother is 27. All my life, he outshined me in every way. He had lots of friends, was involved in the school band and got excellent grades. Now he has a full social life and occasionally gets work doing stand-up comedy. My parents have tons of things to brag about him when people ask how we're doing, and next to nothing to say about me. It's depressing sometimes.
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Post by glenn miller on Dec 7, 2004 18:06:49 GMT -5
i a mi na way like u. except i am a guy. i am the middle. an older brother and younger sister. the yare outgoing, and have alot of friends. it is the same with me in family gatherings. it feels like i am not one fo them. i have a hard time getting work. interviews are real hard.
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NickH
Full Member
Posts: 160
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Post by NickH on Dec 20, 2004 7:53:24 GMT -5
I'm a 20 year old male who's never had a gf etc, and while my living situation isn't exactly like yours its easy to understand what your going through. With regards to your parents i would just try to ignore them when they try to put you down, its obvious they can't relate to your situation, which if they're quite outgoing is not suprising. One way of alleviating the stress caused by your parents would be to keep trying to get some form of job lined up, it can't help that your living and working around your parents all the time, personally i think it would be better for you to have a job and pay rent, than work with your parents for free. A job will get you out of the house so you get some well needed space from your family, will give you a regular income, and may even open up some doors to friendships with work colleges. Believe me i know that getting a job and holding it down is tough for people in our situation, but i really feel it will help you a lot.
I know how you feel when you compare yourself to your siblings, i do exactly the same thing, i can't help but get depressed when i see that my 11 year old brother has a better social life than i do. I also have a 23 year old sister who's like as extraverted as they come, but she still lives at home and doesn't have a boyfriend, and with her i think she at least understands that not everyone is as outgoing as she is. With regards to you thinking about suicide, while i fully believe that its not a valid solution to our problems (just think about it for a second, you would sease to exist, any chance of making a change would be lost!), i don't think its at all unusual for people in our situation to have it enter our heads once in a while, i'm sure if you asked on here most people have thought about it.
I really can't emphasis this enough but don't take what your parents say as gospel, like i said before they probably just can't relate to how you feel because their personalities and those of your siblings are different to yours. I now its hard but the fact that your on this forums means you know your not on your own with your shyness problems.
Hope this helps a little bit.
Nick
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DJ
New Member
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Post by DJ on Jan 6, 2005 2:08:08 GMT -5
Peekaboo, I'm sure that most of us reading what you expressed can relate to what you are going through. I certainly can. You definitely have my support. The fact that you were able to share your thoughts on a message board like this one is a very encouraging sign that you will be able to accomplish many of the things that you seek to do. The same with anyone in a similar situation.
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Post by blondie86 on Feb 23, 2005 0:04:37 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel, my dad especially makes me feel so bad. He is so overprotective of me, I have never had a boyfriend and am 18 years old now and still can't have one! I used to go out with this guy a few times and my dad sat me down and interrogated me daily, and wanted to know everything about him, then he met him and talked very rudely to him and told him he can never talk to me again. That was the end of boys for me, now I want a boyfriend but feel guilty for even having those thoughts because I know my dad will definitely not be ok with it, it might have something to do with him thinking I will get pregnant or something, which will never happen because I've never had sex and don't intend to because I know the risks and consequences, but my dad won't listen to me. Now, I have trouble being creative and having my own opinions because whenever my parents and I had an argument, not matter how small, they were ALWAYS right and I was ALYWAYS wrong no matter what. I would try to voice my opinion or defend my actions of beliefs and they'd counter it with what they thought and that was of course always "right". So I learned whenever in an argument with my parents to never say anything back because they'd just yell at me for it and say I have a smart mouth even though I was just trying to voice my opinion. Then, they'd yell at me further for not talking when we were having an argument and they'd say "Talk! Why did you do this, why is this happening?" and I'd say, and then they'd yell at me for what I just said. Sorry about going on and on but I am clearly more than just shy
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Post by CaryGrant on Mar 10, 2005 18:36:19 GMT -5
Isn't is sad that shy people feel they just don't "fit in this world?" I felt that way until a year or so ago, and I'm 43!!! The good news is, I started to feel better about myself soon after starting to DO something about it. (Previously, I had just read about bettering myself. ) I have learned that we all belong, and that we don't have to DO or BE anything other than ourselves to belong. In fact, that's the greatest gift you can give yourself AND the world, I believe.
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Post by Ms Pnats on Mar 17, 2005 7:40:00 GMT -5
I can relate to the parents comparing and being down on you.
You're an adult now and you get to define your life now, not them. Sure they may to use guilt, manipulation, and financial means to get you to comply with what they want but really what is the worst thing that will happen if one day you say enough and start living your own life regardless of what they say?
Like the other poster said, save your money and move out. You will be amazed at how much freer and better you will feel when not under their thumbs.
My family is a bit odd in that my parents didn't want any of us to succeed at anything. My mother enjoys it when we fail so she can wallow in it with us. Teh more screwed up you are, the more attention she gave you!
It has take many years to break free from her. Everything I got in this life was not achieved easily and there was stuggle and opposition from family every step of the way. I went to college against what my parents believed in and received hell for it and absolutely no support. I graduated wtih a 4.0 GPA and they did not attend any of my honors or awards ceremonies nor did they attend my graduation.
So now, I keep my mother at a distance and do my best not to get drawn in her drama. I gave up the notion of ever getting her approval for anything. The one toxic sister I have cut completely out of my life.
Sometimes you just have to put yourself and how you want to live your life first.
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Post by Medici on Mar 17, 2005 18:41:23 GMT -5
Ms Pnats you just described my family only worse. They're like the US government - failure is rewarded, the most pathetic person wins.
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