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Post by wshonastr on Dec 10, 2004 12:55:12 GMT -5
I guess I have always been shy, and have just kind of blindly accepted that, and the restrictions it has placed on my life. However, my outlook has changed recently, and I have been really depressed because I am starting to really see just how much my shyness holds me back. I am almost twenty years old, and a sophomore in college, but I never speak up in my classes, I have very few close friends, I have never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy and I am afraid to even call people on the phone!
The whole thing came to head this week because its the end of my first semester at a new university (I transferred from my old school after a year but thats another story) and I realized I have yet to forge any real relationships. I had just started to get comfortable with the few aquaintances I met in my classes, but now that the semester is over I will probably never even see them again (my school is really big) and I am just gonna have to start all over again next semster. Its so frusterating!!
Anyway, if you actually read this whole thing, thanks. I basically just wanted to vent a little and I am so glad I found this site, and people I can actually relate to!
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Zvezda
Junior Member
Posts: 63
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Post by Zvezda on Dec 10, 2004 14:11:09 GMT -5
Welcome to this board...you will find that the advice and stories people share can be very helpful.
The only thing I can think of to give you is that things can get better. I have improved so much in these past two years (and seriously if I can you can). It might not seem that way but trust me things can change for the better. Realising that this shyness is holding you back and wanting to change is the first step. At least that's what I think.
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Post by wshonastr on Dec 11, 2004 18:01:37 GMT -5
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I guess my current state of depression has motivated me to try to make a change, and I think that joining this site was a step in the right direction.
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Post by Boyfriend on Dec 12, 2004 10:36:08 GMT -5
Hey! It isn't so long actually You know it's not so difficult to overcome shyness. The only thing you have to do is to forget about your fears. Stop being afraid and everything gonna happen. Start speaking in your class, speak with guys, join parties, express your viewpoint. I know it isn't so easy for us as it sounds, but it's better to fail sometimes than not to open your mouth at all. You see, you live in this world, you're afraid of being yourself and if you continue this way nothing will change. You have to make some steps forward if you want to achieve something in your life of course. There's nothing wrong with you, the problem is only in your brain. No one is perfect, only people who aren't shy accept it, but we don't. We think we're ugly, fat, we have a bad posture, we aren't funny, we are stupid and so on. I hope it helped Believe in yourself, love yourself and I wish you good luck overcoming your problems. Everything is possible, only you have to DO SOMETHING. And we are usually afraid of it. I know it's easier to chat in this forum, but it gives you nothing at all. You won't gain self-esteem reading those posts here. You won't.
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Post by Medici on Dec 12, 2004 11:38:22 GMT -5
I think its easy to become isolated in a big college if you don't live in the dormitory or have roommates. If you just throw yourself into a situation where you can't get away from using the phone or talking to people and making friends then you will do it, you will adapt. But if you have a place where you can hide out (apartment by yourself or your parent's house) then its just so easy to get away from everything and you can easily become more and more isolated.
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Post by wshonastr on Dec 12, 2004 13:22:00 GMT -5
If you just throw yourself into a situation where you can't get away from using the phone or talking to people and making friends then you will do it, you will adapt. But if you have a place where you can hide out (apartment by yourself or your parent's house) then its just so easy to get away from everything and you can easily become more and more isolated. You definitely have a point. Last year I went to small school, lived in the dorms on campus, and probably did have more of a social life. Due to financial reasons I now go to a much larger school, and live at home. I do think that in some ways I have “regressed” because of this. On the other hand, my old school was so tiny that after the first few weeks, everyone had pretty much established themselves into their own little cliques, and they stuck to them. Yes, I had friends, but it was almost impossible to meet new people. The university I am attending now is largely a commuter school, and although it may be harder to form lasting friendships, I have found it easier get up the courage to talk to people, or strike up a conversation with someone I don't know which is something I never would have done at my old school.
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Post by browneyes on Dec 12, 2004 13:39:15 GMT -5
One thing I have learned that can help you is join a group or a club of some sort in that school you go to. Like you can join a study group, or find some activity that you like that would cause you the least anxiety. I have found that when joining something where everyone has a shared interest in makes it easier to socialize and less stressful than when you are in class just talking about trivial things with the person next to you and its harder to form a friendship with that person. Do do think that would help? or Have you tried to join a club already?
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Post by wshonastr on Dec 12, 2004 13:52:09 GMT -5
One thing I have learned that can help you is join a group or a club of some sort in that school you go to. Thanks for the advice. I do think that might help. I was in a club last year, actually as one of the founding members (I can't believe I actually did that...it helped that one of my friends was in it with me), and I felt akward at times, but I did have a lot of fun. My school had a club fair at the beginning of this year, and I planned to check it out, but for some reason (I can't remember why) I ended up missing it. When spring semester starts up maybe I will try again.
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Post by Medici on Dec 12, 2004 16:27:11 GMT -5
I went to 2 different colleges, both very large. The reason I brought it up was because at the first school I really never had any good friends and I lived off campus the whole time. At the second one I made a lot of friends fast when I lived in the dorms. Some of those people I still keep in touch with now.
But you know I think I was lucky. If you meet the right people at a big school you can get very lucky. There are certain people that have huge circles of friends. Like way more than the average person could even handle. If you get in with one of them, then it seems like you get in contact with a neverending stream of new people from all over the place. I believe that's what happened to me. I just went along for the ride.
So I would give all shy people in college this advice - be on the lookout for one of these special people who has tons of friends. Try your best to be one of those friends. And it isn't that hard because usually they like to make new friends. I know that made college much more fun for me.
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Post by seabreeze on Dec 16, 2004 16:11:42 GMT -5
im 20 yrs old and never even kissed or dated a guy either !! i always feel like im wating my life.. do u guys think the same
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BornIn1142
New Member
I'm an evil, sarcastic monster! Boo! Hiss!
Posts: 26
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Post by BornIn1142 on Dec 17, 2004 13:44:12 GMT -5
It's not that long... But hi anyway, I'm new too.
And never apoligize for things like that. It's not a shame to open... your heart. And stuff... Yeah...
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Post by lsdima4 on Dec 17, 2004 15:03:47 GMT -5
Yeah, I have never kissed or dated a guy either. I was waiting most of the time. Now its starting to change.
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Post by wshonastr on Dec 17, 2004 18:04:42 GMT -5
I agree with the whole waiting thing. I always used to think that my shyness would magically just disapper as I got older, but I am starting to realize that its up to me to make the effor to change unless i wanna stay like this forever.
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