Post by Naptaq on Dec 18, 2004 20:12:21 GMT -5
hello
u probobly don't know me and I don't know you. hey we probobly won't meet each other in this lifetime. so that makes it all easier for me (us).
easy .. easy.. if only things were easy in life but most things ain't.. well it's all in the mind u say.. i say yeah that's true but, how do u do it? how do u bypass all this shit and feel happy? i'm tryin to figure it out..
what? should i say something bout myself? hmm. ok im 19 i come from middle europe and english is my second language. i got parents and 2 sisters. parents are deaf and divorced. the deaf thing didn't affect me much i must say. plus most ppl don't know bout that cus i don't tell'em.
i've suffered from social anxeity most of my life. i just don't talk much. some ppl don't like me cus of that.. or maybe i seem rude or something. point is i don't get along with most ppl in real life. there's just no connection ..
so.. internet is a very useful tool. in the begining i started using it to chat. i prefered english chat. cus:
1. my mom and some other ppl wouldn't know what im chattin bout if they looked at the screen
2. i liked the idea of talking with americans and .. talking english in general was so like kewl to me
english is kewl to me cus i grew up watching tv. and therefore it has that appeal to me.
so i started chattin.. shit my english was so bad in the beginig. especialy the spelling. but when i got better i learned so much.. it didn't even sound to me as learning, cus i had so much fun. i dunno i just felt great if i got lol responses ya know. and then the first "chrushes" came. but it was all online. after the really first chrushes i suddenly found myself in a situation where i would email to some person like once a day. it was like.. wow. i've never had that b4. even tho it's online just the thought of having a gf was like wow. it blew my mind. my head was in the coulds. after awhile that thingy ended. nobody chated on nobody it was just like me not being sure of "this" and.. i think it was for the best.
so moving on... this year is the first time i was drunk. a lil bit drunk. even tho i never liked alcohol and always said "no" when offered a drink i kinda knew the effects that alchohol had on me. cus back when i was 7 or something my grandfather used to give me a little wine. and after i had a lil wine in my body i'd just go hyper and happy. and just felt great. but i'd not run around so much if somebody that i really don't know would be around. so even tho i had a little alcohol in my body my sa was still effecting me. and im not sure how i'de do if i was really drunk cus belive it or not i never was totaly drunk.
so anyway recently i've been going into this "who am i and what should i do" phase. astrology.. numerology.. those are things that i knew very little about but now i know quite a lot. it sure gives u an idea about why ppl are the way they are but still u have so many things u wanna know about.. like i am in the stage of my life where i've been thinking "why am i here. maybe i should just die".. yeah maybe it would be better. so nedlees to say i've been thinkin a lot of suicide.
it just seems so everybody's better and all.. what is my purpus to be here if everybody's better?
ok i'll end it here. replyes/notes are always welcome
u probobly don't know me and I don't know you. hey we probobly won't meet each other in this lifetime. so that makes it all easier for me (us).
easy .. easy.. if only things were easy in life but most things ain't.. well it's all in the mind u say.. i say yeah that's true but, how do u do it? how do u bypass all this shit and feel happy? i'm tryin to figure it out..
what? should i say something bout myself? hmm. ok im 19 i come from middle europe and english is my second language. i got parents and 2 sisters. parents are deaf and divorced. the deaf thing didn't affect me much i must say. plus most ppl don't know bout that cus i don't tell'em.
i've suffered from social anxeity most of my life. i just don't talk much. some ppl don't like me cus of that.. or maybe i seem rude or something. point is i don't get along with most ppl in real life. there's just no connection ..
so.. internet is a very useful tool. in the begining i started using it to chat. i prefered english chat. cus:
1. my mom and some other ppl wouldn't know what im chattin bout if they looked at the screen
2. i liked the idea of talking with americans and .. talking english in general was so like kewl to me
english is kewl to me cus i grew up watching tv. and therefore it has that appeal to me.
so i started chattin.. shit my english was so bad in the beginig. especialy the spelling. but when i got better i learned so much.. it didn't even sound to me as learning, cus i had so much fun. i dunno i just felt great if i got lol responses ya know. and then the first "chrushes" came. but it was all online. after the really first chrushes i suddenly found myself in a situation where i would email to some person like once a day. it was like.. wow. i've never had that b4. even tho it's online just the thought of having a gf was like wow. it blew my mind. my head was in the coulds. after awhile that thingy ended. nobody chated on nobody it was just like me not being sure of "this" and.. i think it was for the best.
so moving on... this year is the first time i was drunk. a lil bit drunk. even tho i never liked alcohol and always said "no" when offered a drink i kinda knew the effects that alchohol had on me. cus back when i was 7 or something my grandfather used to give me a little wine. and after i had a lil wine in my body i'd just go hyper and happy. and just felt great. but i'd not run around so much if somebody that i really don't know would be around. so even tho i had a little alcohol in my body my sa was still effecting me. and im not sure how i'de do if i was really drunk cus belive it or not i never was totaly drunk.
so anyway recently i've been going into this "who am i and what should i do" phase. astrology.. numerology.. those are things that i knew very little about but now i know quite a lot. it sure gives u an idea about why ppl are the way they are but still u have so many things u wanna know about.. like i am in the stage of my life where i've been thinking "why am i here. maybe i should just die".. yeah maybe it would be better. so nedlees to say i've been thinkin a lot of suicide.
it just seems so everybody's better and all.. what is my purpus to be here if everybody's better?
ok i'll end it here. replyes/notes are always welcome
