I'm sick of living with regret

[missthang007]

I can't stand how my shyness has taken over my life. It effects my friendships, relationships, work, etc. I keep telling myself I"ll eventually change, things will get better. Lately though it's becoming harder to believe. I'm in college and still I've never been in a relationship with a guy or even been on a date. I only have two good friends. One of them I can't trust with anything and the other recently moved so I can barley see her. So sense I basically have no one besides family how is it I still let my shyness push others away. I don't mean to sound depressing and I know my life could be a lot worse. I just need to vent.

[frillow]

Things will get better. ;D I know how you feel, and I'm sure a lot of others do, too. My relationships suck too, even with family members. In order to change, you have to put forth the effort to change (says everyone, but I know that... I just can't seem to do it). Though I've started say random things and ramble, just for the sake of saying something... and now I have a lot more friends in college than I did before (though I still don't have many). I've never dated or been in a relationship with a guy either Though there was a guy that asked me out in high school.. but it was part of a bet.

Don't worry. Worrying only makes things worse. But I worry about myself all the time, too...

[naganuma]

your defeintly not the only one . my social life has crumbled around me because of shyness and i actully turned down a girl asking me out because i was to shy thats living with regret...

[bbarn]

i know what you mean. That's is why i sought out a forum like this, goin to lectures and seeing all these people socializing is so hard for me and its kind of why i go to class late because i dont wanna feel left out.

[ridder]

Yeah, sometimes I get so down with myself about my past.

For example, I played baseball in 5th grade. Didn't really socialize with anyone on the team, but enjoyed being on a team and the practice. But damnit, everytime I came to the plate during a game if I didn't walk or get hit I would strike out. I can remember the infield moving up when I came up to bat clear as day. Batted last, played LF, on and on.

Then, I played football from 6th-8th. Weight classes were 90-105-120 in that order each year, and my weight for each of those three years was about 80-85-95. Same deal with baseball, loved the practices, would give it 110%, and knew two guys on the team as good friends. Only played probably 2 plays a game (defensive line, usually), if that. When we would get into the playoffs, I was only on special teams. Usually it was the same guys every year, and some of them played more in a quarter of a season than I did in 3 years.

I've been able to overcome some regret, but whenever I start to thinking about both these sports memories- I just cant shake the regret and frustration I feel. Worst part is probably how much it didn't bother me then (or doesnt feel like it) as compared to now.

sigh

[mindshaver]

You know what's funny about fear? The very fact that you're not actually afraid of what you think you are. You might think you're afraid of failure, confrontation, your own shyness...(the list goes on) but you're actually not. You're just tricked into an endless pattern of THINKING you're afraid. For example, when somebody is having a panic attack, one of the best remedies psychiatrists advise is for them is to actually try to intensify their feelings of fear... purposely! Why do you think this is?

It's because the patient actually realizes that they're NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY afraid of their issue to begin with! They've tricked themselves into believing they had something to fear, thus their mind just connected the dots and created the cycle. This is what happens when your mind plays tricks on you.

So what can you, yourself do? Think about it. Next time you're terrified - like OUT OF YOUR SKIN TERRIFIED - though it's the last thing you're going to want to do... you're going to HAVE to intensify these feelings. You know what message that sends to the brain? Bingo. It says "Holy shit! I'm so scared I could fucking shit my pants, but I'm still alive and BREATHING!".

Then you can go about your life, cross this phobia off your list, and move onto the next one. There you have it.

Theeeeeeeee End.

[Sweet Pea]

mindshaver said:

Then you can go about your life, cross this phobia off your list, and move onto the next one.

oh goody! that gives me something to look forward to.