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Post by Sweet Pea on Aug 22, 2007 9:57:11 GMT -5
my heart hurts. literally.  its like this little pain i feel. and i am a bit worried. lately i have been excessively worrying about things. and under stress. and have been having trouble sleeping and relaxing. i also feel so jumpy. like my heart is about to jump out of my chest. im just worried, worried, worried and this isn't helping cuz now im worried about this. i just want to relax and not feel this way. sorry to hear this. i was just reading this webpage and i thought you might find it helpful since you mentioned stress, worry, inability to sleep or relax. brain chemical messengers(the owners of the site have a christian orientation, but the information is helpful regardless of whether you're christian or not.) |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Aug 24, 2007 23:56:38 GMT -5
i am always going to be nothing. what do you mean by nothing? |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Aug 25, 2007 22:50:25 GMT -5
thanx sweetpea for the response. i was just feeling down at the time when i wrote that. but im starting to feel better now. the chest pains went away. and i feel more relaxed now. thankfully! good. and i can promise you you're not nothing. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Sept 25, 2007 1:12:55 GMT -5
this is random. i might as well put it here. i miss myself. i dunno. i just got a rush of nostalgia. for no reason though. i was just reading my old journal. the one thing i notice is i had the same thoughts then, that i do now. it freaks me out. it makes me think - this is who i am. deal with it. i feel like i have gotten worse too. i think all the worrying i am doing isnt good. not helpful. i finally just want to throw in the towel. and say dammit, if you're gonna whine and bitch about it then you can't do it. basically thats it. i just want something that will fit into my life. i just want to finally accept who i am. im not perfect. i never will be. im sick of trying to be. im sick of putting all this pressure on myself. its only me doing it. no one else is telling me i need to do anything. its just me and what i think i am supposed to be doing. basically here it is. i dont know what i am supposed to be doing. im tired of thinking about it. im tired of trying so hard. its wearing me down. im tired of trying to be someone im not. i am shy. i am anxious. i get depressed. i dont think i can really ignore these things. alot has changed in the last 3 years. but not really. i dont even feel like anything has happened for the better. that really sux i know. but at the same time, i just feel like saying who cares? my life isn't horrible. i guess what i am saying is - i just want to accept who i am. i just want to finally be satisfied with what i got. im tired of putting myself down. i just want what i got and stop thinking about what i dont. i just want to let go of all the hate, all the bitterness and be thankful. i have no idea how i even have what i have now. i feel like the worst person in the world sometimes. and yet there must be worse? right? im tired of the anxiety. im tired of needlessly worrying. im tired of putting myself in situations where i know it wouldn't be right. im tired of doing things for the sake of doing them. im tired of everything being a big deal. if my life is unremarkable, so be it. its not that im giving up - i just cant do this anymore. it is too exhausting. sometimes it is good to just be...and enjoy simply being alive for awhile. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Sept 25, 2007 6:26:33 GMT -5
this is random. i might as well put it here. i miss myself. i dunno. i just got a rush of nostalgia. for no reason though. i was just reading my old journal. the one thing i notice is i had the same thoughts then, that i do now. it freaks me out. it makes me think - this is who i am. deal with it. i feel like i have gotten worse too. i think all the worrying i am doing isnt good. not helpful. i finally just want to throw in the towel. and say dammit, if you're gonna whine and bitch about it then you can't do it. basically thats it. i just want something that will fit into my life. i just want to finally accept who i am. im not perfect. i never will be. im sick of trying to be. im sick of putting all this pressure on myself. its only me doing it. no one else is telling me i need to do anything. its just me and what i think i am supposed to be doing. basically here it is. i dont know what i am supposed to be doing. im tired of thinking about it. im tired of trying so hard. its wearing me down. im tired of trying to be someone im not. i am shy. i am anxious. i get depressed. i dont think i can really ignore these things. alot has changed in the last 3 years. but not really. i dont even feel like anything has happened for the better. that really sux i know. but at the same time, i just feel like saying who cares? my life isn't horrible. i guess what i am saying is - i just want to accept who i am. i just want to finally be satisfied with what i got. im tired of putting myself down. i just want what i got and stop thinking about what i dont. i just want to let go of all the hate, all the bitterness and be thankful. i have no idea how i even have what i have now. i feel like the worst person in the world sometimes. and yet there must be worse? right? im tired of the anxiety. im tired of needlessly worrying. im tired of putting myself in situations where i know it wouldn't be right. im tired of doing things for the sake of doing them. im tired of everything being a big deal. if my life is unremarkable, so be it. its not that im giving up - i just cant do this anymore. it is too exhausting. It's the journey that matters, not the destination. Find things to enjoy and be grateful for each day. I was waiting at the bus stop in the cold and rain and I could have sat there and been miserable but I noticed a beautiful rainbow and then later a pair of Galahs landed nearby and I got to watch them until the bus came. |
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Post by audioalone on Oct 1, 2007 13:55:45 GMT -5
i hate my life. this is all bullshit. I'm sorry you're down, LSB! Hopefully "it, too shall pass". I've felt as you a lot of times. Hope you're having a better day today. Take care  , Audio |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 25, 2007 17:19:27 GMT -5
I hate time, it deludes everything. It dissolves everything and numbs it down. It makes you forget about the pain you once felt. It doesn't erase it though. It just turns into a gummy, sugary, soppy mess of crap. And then you start missing him. For no reason. Time makes you look back and smacks you for being so stupid. It tells you what you should have done and what you shouldn't have done. You regret everything. You regret meeting him. You regret calling him. You regret fighting with him. You should have been friends, cuz now you are all alone. But you knew, you knew the whole time that you never would have got along, but you didn't care because he liked you and you liked that he liked you and that must be the same as liking him. But you don't really like anything because you can't make decisions. And that is sort of a major decision. But major decisions shouldn't really be made through IMs, now should they? And yet, there he is with another girl. And saying the same shit he said to you. Time. Tells. All. Doesn't it? maybe he thinks it's really you pretending to be someone else.  |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Nov 3, 2007 5:33:18 GMT -5
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Post by Sweet Pea on Nov 6, 2007 13:34:17 GMT -5
I hope this is okay to write this here. I know this is a shy message board and at times I feel so guilty for being a depressing, whining, complaining person. I feel like such a negative force. I am in such a rut. And I know it is my fault and that I did it all to myself. That if I hate it so much, I should change something. I don't even know what to change. Sometimes I think I must like being this way. I always end up at the same place. I at least want to thank everyone on here for this little bit of cyber space. I just don't want to be bringing others down. I know its selfish. Sometimes I think I use people like people use God. Only turning to them when I need something. When I need them. When I feel down and lonely. What kind of friend am I? What kind of person? I don't even feel like I can change anything, that this is just how I am. I can change the situation all I want, I'll probably still be unhappy. Shit. i'm sure no one begrudges you your bit of cyberspace. have you been able to figure out what exactly you'd like to change? |
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Post by Rose on Nov 7, 2007 12:59:29 GMT -5
S'ok songbird. Hang in there. *hugs* |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 12, 2008 12:33:56 GMT -5
I feel like I'm losing control of my life. Yeah. It's one of those days again. Do I live a life that is manageable without any triggers? Or do I just keep exposing myself to the triggers hoping I will one day be able to manage them. I'm starting to lean towards the first one. It's starting to get to be too much. I think I have been trying too hard. I'm not giving up, I just need to not try and do everything at once. My poor head can't take it. yeah, i think it's probably best to try to achieve a balance. unless of course you're trying the flooding technique. |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 21, 2008 9:07:35 GMT -5
GOAL: Get in touch with my instincts and trust them more. They are usually right. I also would like to stop worrying so much. I mean I really really would. It's hardly worth it. A womanly instinct is rarely wrong. As for the worrying, it's not easy to stop completely. I just try to identify what kind of worrying is healthy, and what's limiting. If it's limiting & pointless - I do something to distract myself. |
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Post by lazergirl on Jun 6, 2008 6:46:40 GMT -5
I really dont understand why is it that I'm shy coz i know am beautiful, have a great sense of humor and i can be very smart. But the minute I'm in a crowd of people i become this person i don't know. What I'm I doing wrong???  |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jun 12, 2008 9:44:17 GMT -5
caffeine is not good. so therefore mocha lattes probably aren't either. boo. (*decaf!) anyways. anxiety sure has a funny way of sticking to anything. if you combat it on one thing it will just find something else. usually when i dont have anything to worry about. it latches onto my education and career. or lack of career. im just pmsing. anyways. i just got a ton of work. i get upset that i get overwhelmed so easily. i wish i could handle more in a better manner. boo indeed. without caffeine i could not stay on this gerbil wheel we call life these days. one day blends into the next...go go go go...god i'm sick of it. i so hear ya.  |
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on Jun 15, 2008 22:03:57 GMT -5
You made it to the beach!  Was it fun? |
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its like this little pain i feel. and i am a bit worried. lately i have been excessively worrying about things. and under stress. and have been having trouble sleeping and relaxing. i also feel so jumpy. like my heart is about to jump out of my chest. 
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Befriend the trees...they are good listeners. ;D
