|
Post by spitzig on Feb 3, 2004 2:28:58 GMT -5
I'm reading a book on shyness, The Hidden Face of Shyness. It says something like, have a "goal" and minor goals to get to it. But, it doesn't give any relevant suggestions on minor goals. A lot of the book is focused on social anxiety in specific circumstances(like speeches), or about specific thing(like blushing). It gives quite a few things regarding them, but they are pretty specific, and specific reactions to them can be suggested. But, my shyness is what they call "generalized shyness", and simply occurs around people in proportion to how well I know them. I can't really think of any minor goals.
Also, I don't know how to learn all that stuff that most people know regarding social interactions. I mean, being shy has also kept me a bit of a social idiot. Any book suggestions on correcting this?
|
|
|
Post by Placido on Feb 4, 2004 9:28:44 GMT -5
You've hit on the problem I found myself with - after a good start in overcoming shyness (starting conversations with colleagues etc) I just couldn't think of anything to do next, and sort of plateaued a bit.
So I decided the next small step had to be working out the next small step!
I'm working on identifying what I'd like to happen in situations - imagining the new me. In a way, when you stop being shy you have to 'invent' a persona, and that can take a little imagination.
Perhaps you could observe other people, and identify actions that you could imagine yourself doing - eg, 'that's a good way of greeting someone that gets a good response - I'll try something like that next time'. Or 'that's a good way of responding to a compliment'. Or whatever.
|
|
|
Post by CaryGrant on Feb 17, 2004 19:47:55 GMT -5
You might try "Shyness: A Bold New Approach," by Carducci. He also has a book on small talk, which I haven't read, but he breaks interactions down into small steps, both what shy people tend to do and what confident people do. It made it easier for me to identify steps.
An example (not from the book): Walking down the street: 1. Walk with head and eyes down. 2. Occasionally glance up at people and things, but keep head down. 3. Occasionally bring head up and look around briefly. 4. Walk more confidently by holding shoulders back when walking, not slouched or tucked in. 5. Take hands out of pockets, swing arms a bit. 6. Keep head up most of the time, but avoid all eye contact. 7. Make eye contact occasionally and briefly. 8. Make eye contact regularly, then look away. 9. Smile or nod before looking away. 10. Smile or nod and say "Hi."
You get the idea. I'm up to 9/10, and figure that's about it for the street. Next step will be smiling/nodding/saying Hi in lineups, which is much more threatening because there's the possibility of actual conversation, where on the street I can just keep walking. (I do actually talk to people in lineups occasionally, so my next step will be deepening the intimacy a bit by complimenting or asking them something a bit personal.)
|
|
|
Post by spitzig on Feb 18, 2004 0:57:14 GMT -5
LOL Actually, that's the one I'm reading. I guess I didn't get to the chapter where it actually went into small talk. Or, maybe it gets into other small step suggestions for generalized social anxiety. I'd sort of given up on reading it, after I got stuck on the small steps.
|
|