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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jul 21, 2006 17:00:02 GMT -5
How many times have you been married? Why do you ask? |
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 22, 2006 13:21:26 GMT -5
I just find the whole "put yourself through agony for probably nothing, but ever-so-slightly-maybe bliss" idea too unappealing. *sigh* I know what you mean as I kinda feel the same. I'm hardly happy about being permanently single but often I just feel the sheer effort it would require for me to get anywhere just isn't worth any potential benefits.  |
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Post by Stranger on Jul 23, 2006 12:38:41 GMT -5
what do you mean? why do you need to put yourself through agony? Oh, I was referring to the whole dating-people-you-don't-know-that-well thing, and how I'd expect it to all work out for me: throwing yourself out there, hoping you're doing everything right / giving off the right signs, getting all anxed up and worried you snuffed it, still never connecting anyway because you're so unpersonable, and either feeling inferior because you were dumped or feeling like a jerk for ending it all because you can't bear to be around them. And having that intensity magnified 50 times if either of you tried to get close to the other and/or got their hopes up about it all working out. Repeatedly. Until - perhaps - against all odds, you finally find "the one". Not for me, thanks.  |
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Post by MrNice on Jul 23, 2006 12:46:24 GMT -5
it doesn't have to be like that
this whole process can be enjoyable
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Post by zaab on Jul 23, 2006 13:25:08 GMT -5
Its a common complaint though. Even people who aren't normally prone to anxiety seem to dread the process.
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Post by Stranger on Jul 23, 2006 13:46:42 GMT -5
it doesn't have to be like that this whole process can be enjoyable Never said otherwise. I'm just saying it doesn't appeal to me.  |
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 23, 2006 14:15:08 GMT -5
it doesn't have to be like that this whole process can be enjoyable I'm sure it can be enjoyable but when just saying hi to someone(even if I know them) is an anxiety inducing event like it is for me then I dont think theres any chance of enjoying it without going through a hell of a lot of crap before. I'm not sure its worth it. |
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Post by zaab on Jul 23, 2006 14:27:51 GMT -5
it doesn't have to be like that this whole process can be enjoyable I'm sure it can be enjoyable but when just saying hi to someone(even if I know them) is an anxiety inducing event like it is for me then I dont think theres any chance of enjoying it without going through a hell of a lot of crap before. I'm not sure its worth it. Yeah, but sometimes saying "hi" turns out to be one of the tougher things to do because you have to break the inertia, but once the inertia is broken, things can flow a bit easier from there. I think the saying hi part and the initial small talk is the hard part--its equivalent to trying to get a campfire burning, but once it does, it takes on a life of its own. |
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 23, 2006 14:54:05 GMT -5
I'm sure it can be enjoyable but when just saying hi to someone(even if I know them) is an anxiety inducing event like it is for me then I dont think theres any chance of enjoying it without going through a hell of a lot of crap before. I'm not sure its worth it. Yeah, but sometimes saying "hi" turns out to be one of the tougher things to do because you have to break the inertia, but once the inertia is broken, things can flow a bit easier from there. I think the saying hi part and the initial small talk is the hard part--its equivalent to trying to get a campfire burning, but once it does, it takes on a life of its own. hmm yeah I see what you mean. Not really convinced that would ever be the case with me though. Anyway I'll shut up about this I'm in a crappy mood today. |
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Post by wagnerr on Jul 24, 2006 1:33:08 GMT -5
I still think that speed dating stuff might be a good idea for us. I'm thinking, many of the same people like us, or sort of like us, would do this kind of thing. Most people are average and ordinary looking, right? Well, when we meet many of them we'll learn that they are nothing exotic or to be feared, and are really quite pleasant to be around. I was i Wal-mart today with my Mom, and i got a few glances with some nice, decent looking young women, with whom i made a second or two of eye contact. I lived through it, in fact. It didn't kill me at all.  |
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Post by Orionation on Jul 24, 2006 3:46:03 GMT -5
Defaintly not me |
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Post by Stranger on Jul 26, 2006 8:21:58 GMT -5
I'm sure it can be enjoyable but when just saying hi to someone(even if I know them) is an anxiety inducing event like it is for me then I dont think theres any chance of enjoying it without going through a hell of a lot of crap before. I'm not sure its worth it. Yeah, but sometimes saying "hi" turns out to be one of the tougher things to do because you have to break the inertia, but once the inertia is broken, things can flow a bit easier from there. I think the saying hi part and the initial small talk is the hard part--its equivalent to trying to get a campfire burning, but once it does, it takes on a life of its own. I might be able to manage the "hi" bit. It's everything after that where I'm completely screwed. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Jul 28, 2006 14:29:23 GMT -5
I think everyone's better off single until they've learnt how to be happy on their own. If you can't be happy on your own, then you'll constantly be dependent on someone else to make you happy, and I don't think that's any kind of basis for a good relationship. More to the point, I don't think that's any kind of basis for a good life. I've never actually been in a relationship, but this sounds right to me. The only problem is: Can people actualy learn to be happy? I was reading an article that said a lot of it is genetics, but I don't know if that's true. |
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Post by cutesubmissiveguy on Aug 7, 2006 20:32:19 GMT -5
I guess the real question is Why are you Single? If you are single by choice, then yes you probably are better off because that is what you desire. However is you are Single and that is not your preference, then that is when the problems start. I question people that say they choose to be single and are happier that way. I think if the perfect person moved in next door and was available, they might have difficulty being happy just being single. I personally am not happy being single, I crave having a person to spend time with and share my life with. Well, that's very debatable! I'd rather stay single and avoid all the headaches and hassles that comes with relationships. I've found out women are not ready for relationships of any kind. |
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Post by shyaussiegal on Aug 8, 2006 20:48:59 GMT -5
Well, that's very debatable! I'd rather stay single and avoid all the headaches and hassles that comes with relationships. I've found out women are not ready for relationships of any kind. Ok, I will agree that yes there are women (and men) out there who are not ready for relationships or don't know what they want in a partner. They are looking for someone to complete them, they haven't realised that you need to be whole within yourself and not look for someone to "fill in your gaps". Once you figure that out, what you are looking for in a partner completely changes and you have a much clearer idea of what qualities in a woman(/man) you desire. If you find that the women you are meeting are not ready for relationships... perhaps you need to re-evaluate the type of women you are dating? I mean this in the nicest way possible of course... because there are women out there who are ready and willing for a relationship - and these are usually the ones who have had time to heal and have dealt with any baggage from past relationships... |
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