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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jun 18, 2008 22:38:21 GMT -5
i'm surprised that youre reading my posts strawberry. and also trying to provide insights. You must be a very patient person to read my ramblings lol. You seem to be a person who has an interest in others..cares for others. I would imagine with such a personality you must have alot of friends. I once had a very social suitemate and I paid attention to her character to see what exactly made her a likeable person. I learned that she was genuinely interested in other people. She would set aside her own affairs to do things for other people. She often would bake all sorts of goodies for her friends, she would throw dinner parties, she would decorate their rooms on birthdays. All sorts of stuff that I just can't be bothered with. It seems having a social life takes work. lol...well, thanks for that comment. Sadly, I don't have a lot of friends, though. For the time being, it feels as if I have 0 real-life friends, actually. The biggest difference between that girl and me would be that she sounds very outgoing. I'm far too reserved to do things like throw dinner parties. I like to do things for people in quiet ways (which probably translates to boring). I think that what you say about me is probably true, though.....that I am interested in others. Problem is, I don't show it. I have to know someone very well to show it, actually. Or they at least have to seem to take a liking to me first. I do know a girl who sounds similar to the one you mentioned, though. I became pretty good friends with her last year. Being around her so much, though, I think she could be a little too over-the-top with things..... always trying to be in your business and know every little detail of your life. It could feel like too much. why am i so sensitive? i feel hurt or something because the two people didn't acknowledge me when i said hi to them. i know they saw me. the guy looked right at me. well, i know why... it's because i am the one who usually ignores them. but for some reason i just said hi because we were the only ones there. but who cares anyway? why do i have the little sick feeling in my stomach just because they didn't say hi back to me. so silly...who cares... why can't i just grow up.. if anyone is reading this..i encourage your criticism so i can be immune to what people think. I've done that before. I agree it's not a good feeling. *And if you want someone to criticize you, you may want to find a different forum, lol. Too many people here understand.
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Post by shynesssucks on Jun 19, 2008 3:14:19 GMT -5
sometimes i'm worried that i've rambled on too much. obviously online you could probably tell i ramble.. in real life i don't really talk about myself. at times i'm afraid that i've kept someone too long in a conversation.
how is it that some people can talk alot and people like to listen to them..
i think it all has to do ..with whether or not what youre talking about is relevant in that moment.
i don't think it's a good idea to carry a list of topics with you that you want to talk about...bc while youre thinking about your list you're not really paying attention to what's going on around you...
i think the best thing we can do if we want to be able to talk is really to just listen to what's going on around us...and really take every opportunity to open our mouths to speak...
it could be just small remarks like if someone says "man i'm really hungry" then respond by saying "i know me too!"
just random things like that so that people don't think youre a mute..
so listen and take the opportunity when it comes to say something..anything..and what you say would have relevance ...
whereas if you have topics to talk about you may never get the chance to discuss them..
even if you know that your neighbor loves ice cream and you put that as a conversational material at the top of your list for this person ...it may not be appropriate to just start a conversation about it...
the neighbor visits you to ask borrow a cup of sugar it would be inappropriate to ramble on about ice cream because he just did come to borrow a cup of sugar. the neighbor may be in a hurry and you don't want to talk his ear off.
at times, it's appropriate to talk alot but you really have to pay attention to what's going on around you so that you're aware that the topic of conversation has relevance at that very moment...
otherwise, youre just talking too much and rambling..
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Post by shynesssucks on Jun 24, 2008 7:51:21 GMT -5
the cause of my shyness is that i think i have "avoidant personality disorder" according to DSM-IV-TR classification it is -sensitive to rejection, socially withdrawn -feeling of inferiority
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Post by shynesssucks on Jul 1, 2008 22:36:37 GMT -5
seems like im always whining to you. i keep telling myself to treat you like a backup..don't let you close to my heart. backups shouldn't ever make you cry bc you're just the backup..youre the thing to fall back on while i work towards the real thing.
i had a backup in school when i was pursuing my main dream. the backup didn't workout and i cried about it..what was the point of the tears? right now i'm happier than ever with what i got..i got what i really wanted.
you are just like that to me. just the backup. must emotionally detach myself. put on a smile and never complain that you don't know anything about me ..don't care to ask about how my day went.. while each and every moment i find you on my mind and i ask about you exams and your papers and what you had for breakfast and what you had for lunch etc.
there was something off about you tonight. i don't know if you're hiding something. seriously i don't get you, you had to hand in 4 papers and all this time you've been hanging around having fun why didn't you hand them in?
ofcourse i'll finally get to see you this weekend and you tell me you are going to work on your paper while im there. after months i get a glipse of you for a few days and youll have your nose in a book.
why didn't you get your work done on time like everyone else. youre a smart guy.
how do you make me cry so easily?
my family members contact me everyday to ask about my day why am i not interested in those that care about me..why do i care about you?
why do i let myself care for someone that doesn't care for me?
really what the hell is wrong with me?
spent the day at the mall today and got a purse and actually as i bought the stuff kept thinking if you'd like it...lol ..what an idiot i am..
my life would have been wonderful right now if i never met you. it would be wonderful if i could just let go. but over and over again i cry bc you neglect me. i cry bc of things that happened in the past...
one of these days it will probably stop. god will lift me off this highway and put me on another. that's what happens..you're going one direction for sometime and then all of a sudden you find a change in circumstance and find yourself in a completely different path.
i always find myself apologizing to you. you always get mad. maybe i am asking for too much? maybe my idea of love is something of a fairytale.
i don't want to end up like that lady i met ..all alone at 50 yo bc her expectations of love were too high. wearing a wedding ring and telling people she is married to jesus. i really hope i don't end up like her.
that's why youre the backup. i'll hold out my heart for the real thing..keeping you there just in case... being with you is better than being completely alone.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 1, 2008 23:01:40 GMT -5
that's why youre the backup. i'll hold out my heart for the real thing..keeping you there just in case... being with you is better than being completely alone. ugh...what a horrible thought...
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Post by shynesssucks on Jul 6, 2008 21:33:44 GMT -5
[/quote] ugh...what a horrible thought...[/quote]
ya, i know i'm glad no one on this board knows who i am so i can type whatever crazy thoughts my heart desires.
right now i'm feeling really really lonely. just got back from a fun weekend with him. i was drunk for the most part of this weekend though so that would explain the good mood i was in. right now i'm home and sitting here all alone. i wish i was still with him. he's probably glad that i'm gone now.
i was always complaining alot that we didn't hang out much so i think he wanted to make it up to me and he planned out so many activities for us to do together. which i really appreciate...but...it did seem like he did just do that stuff to shut up my complaining. he said he canceled all his plans for the weekend so we could hang out together...and perhaps he was a bit disappointed that he had to cancel those other plans just for me. i don't think he was really having all that much fun hanging out with me.
the weekend was great i shouldn't complain but it's kind of the situation like in that movie "office space" where jennifer aniston just doesn't understand that it's not about having exactly 37 pieces of flair it's about attitude and enthusiasm and showing that you're loving what youre doing. i told him i wanted to hang out with him but that doesn't mean i need him to take me places and spend money on me. if we just hung out watching tv at home that would be enough for me as long as he and i both had a good time. he full-filled what i asked for we hung out like no couple has ever hung out before ..together 24/7 practically but he didn't seem to really enjoy the time. the whole point of asking to hang out with him is to enjoy eachothers company. it's like in the movie, the whole point of wearing those pieces of flair on the apron is to get those employees excited about their jobs...
his mood actually seemed to perk up when we purchased my return ticket together on saturday night.
i feel so damn lonely. i asked all my family members to leave me alone earlier this week because i felt suffocated by their constant emails and calls ..so now i guess i got what i asked for.
what to do what to do..
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Post by shynesssucks on Jul 7, 2008 11:52:17 GMT -5
work hard towards building your career, make tons and tons of money and use that money to help people, repay those that helped you all your life. give to your parents that have put you above anything else even to this day when they should be looking forward to their retirement instead they are struggling to support your un-employed ass.
make your life perfect in everyway. get up early and workout and be in the best shape that you can...not for anyone else but for yourself..jut to be perfect. after your workout take a shower and get a bite to eat and start studying. study hard so you can do amazing on the board exam..mediocre score is not an option..must get an AMAZING score.
don't listen to music. music makes you think about emotional garbage. no time for emotions. you don't have time for that crap. need to put one foot in front of the other and move your life forward. you need to devote yourself to your career. your career can never let you down if you work to build it. it's simple you put forth the work and you see good results.
quite unlike when you give yourself and all to a person you just find yourself disappointed. career and money can never let you down.
you're not even into nice cars and jewelry type of person anyway. make the big money ..make it BIG. give it to the those that deserve...like your parents and your uncle who has done so much for you. give it to the hungry.
start now. don't lay around thinking about things that are just a waste of time..that depress you..make alot of money and explore the world. concentrate on yourself only..
get the idea that you need a guy in yourlife and a child in your life out of your head. think of your aunt ..when she was with her husband it was like she had an extra child to worry about. ...guys arew useless to you..
be like your cousin, accomplish great things. be like a her-- a single independent rich woman.
forget about guys. no right one is out there. no such thing. even if there is who cares bc you will be happier alone.
it takes alot of time and effort to reach perfection. to get the perfect shapely body it takes regular exercise and to get the perfect score on the boards it will take all your time for the next while.. you don't have time to think about anyone else. don't have time to cry and worry.
have the guts to make yourself number one. make your career goals number one priority bc it will never let you down.
must have the guts to follow through with this plan. don't let yourself fall back. think of money, travelling, giving to the poor, giving to your family, being a good person. giving yourself to another person will only disappoint you, make you ill, make you hurt. must do your best to make yourself a better person so you can make good changes in this world and be good to those that were good to you.
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