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Post by malcom72 on Jun 11, 2008 19:26:45 GMT -5
Well recently I finally worked up the courage to ask out this one hot girl I know. I've known her for some time now and we have been casual friends. Problem is after asking her out she made a point of laughing out loud, maybe she though it was funny that I would ask her on a date. Afterward she turned me down cold and walked away laughing. Needless to say this event has just about destroyed what little self confidence I ever did have. So question what does it means when a women laughs at you after making a approach and how do I pick myself back up because I just feel like I've been stabbed in the chest ?
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jun 11, 2008 19:48:11 GMT -5
Just because she didn't want you, it doesn't mean that nobody will.
She was a "hot girl", and so she's probably used to men asking her out. She probably is very used to turning them down and not feeling bad about it.
Your options are to either change yourself/your approach, or to change your target to a woman less likely to be so picky about who she dates ('settle for less').
I'm not going to tell you what to do, as a way of preventing people trying to pick at me.
Good luck in deciding the way to go forward.
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etn
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Post by etn on Jun 11, 2008 20:47:50 GMT -5
Well recently I finally worked up the courage to ask out this one hot girl I know. I've known her for some time now and we have been casual friends. Problem is after asking her out she made a point of laughing out loud, maybe she though it was funny that I would ask her on a date. Afterward she turned me down cold and walked away laughing. Needless to say this event has just about destroyed what little self confidence I ever did have. So question what does it means when a women laughs at you after making a approach and how do I pick myself back up because I just feel like I've been stabbed in the chest ? What she did was rude and insensitive. That kind of responce was uncalled for and only serves to demonstrate her own lack of maturity. Rejection is a part of life. Ask yourself "why does this person's opinion matter?" and repond "it doesn't". Anna's advice is good too. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jun 11, 2008 21:22:55 GMT -5
When are you boys ever going to learn that the hot girls are evil bitches!
Well most of them.
It has nothing to do with but every hot girl is constantly pestered by men day in and day out from the time she becomes hot until she is ugly and the guys don't bug her anymore.
The know they are what every man desires so that gives them the license to treat people like shit because they can and the guys put up with it just to be with the hot girl.
Ask out an average girl.
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Post by malcom72 on Jun 11, 2008 21:56:42 GMT -5
etn - The truth is that she is normally a rather nice person as far as I have seen. I personally have never seen her treat anyone in this way before even if she was angry with them.
N/A - I tried to ask out a normal average girl before and it got me nowhere. She said she was seeing someone which is fine but that was just about the last time I ever spoke to her. She has now made a point of avoiding me and almost runs away as soon as she sees me. So hot girls or average girls the result is pretty much the same.
Anna - Yes I do understand that just because you have not found that special someone yet does not mean that they don't exist, however when you a batting "Zero" you begin to wonder.
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spark
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Post by spark on Jun 11, 2008 23:21:50 GMT -5
This happened to me a few years ago too. Then she went behind my back and made fun of me for it. She was very nice to me before I asked her out. I agree with Anna though, to quote Edison "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I'm also "batting zero," but I'm convinced one of these times I'll succeed.
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mg
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Post by mg on Jun 12, 2008 0:09:26 GMT -5
I can relate. Back in high school, I had one girl laugh just when I asked another girl I had a crush on to sign a yearbook (which was hard enough for me to do). Luckily the girl I was asking was nice about it. I think it is just a lot of insensitivity and conceitedness. I don't really have any answers, than just keep looking until you succeed. I had a friend in college who would hit on and get rejected all the time, but he kept at it, and eventually had some success. There are millions of people out there, so don't let the few you have tried discourage you.
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Post by MrNice on Jun 12, 2008 8:25:55 GMT -5
a woman laughs at you if she has no respect for you (in this case as a man)
she just doesn't think about you that way, so the idea seems funny
as for picking yourself up, you just have to ask out another girl
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Post by Bodhi on Jun 12, 2008 19:25:14 GMT -5
That's an incredibly cruel thing to do. This is why I question when people say, "Just ask her out," like asking a girl out is nothing. Something like this can happen and destroy your self-confidence. You have to be careful asking girls out. I would make sure the next girl is someone you know will not be cruel like that. There is someone out there for you, there is for everyone. This girl obviously wasn't... and would you really want to date someone who will act in such a cruel and insensitive way? There are nice girls out there that will like you and go out with you, you must find them.
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Post by MrNice on Jun 12, 2008 19:43:09 GMT -5
malcolm, you can listen to all the feel good advice about how there is a girl out there for you and while it might make you feel cozy right now, it just sets you up for failure in the long term
all you get is a sense of entitlement and then your self confidence shatters when the girl you like laughs at you
this is what will happen when you spend time "working up the courage"
so don't do it
the more feelings you build up for some girl that doesn't care about you the more shattered your confidence will be
if asking her out feels like your life depends on it, you can expect to have your confidence shattered
on the other hand if asking her out feels like nothing, your confidence will be fine no matter what she does
because you are shy and all you will always be afraid, but next time, as soon as the idea of you liking some girl enters your head, ask her out right away - the sooner the better. then you will not have time to turn it into something big
you should be less careful - not more careful. as you already mentioned the girl seemed nice to you. of course she did. if you try to be more careful you will only set yourself up for an even greater confidence destruction
but if you get rejected here and there, get some dates you will develop some skin and it will not seem so important
also - you have asked out two girls - and you already talk about batting a zero
how many balls did a professional baseball player miss before he became good?
you have to drop the idea that the next girl you like will be your soul mate
she might be but don't expect it and act like it
just go along and something will happen eventually
----
as far as her thinking it was funny, well, if she is hot she gets a lot of attention from guys and while you were running around her being "friends" your intentions were transparent to her so she laughed when you finally "worked up the courage" to show them
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etn
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Post by etn on Jun 13, 2008 12:44:08 GMT -5
MrNice pretty much hit the nail on the head. As for getting over it. I can only suggest not giving all the power to the other person. Why does she determine your self worth? Only you can give yourself confidence.  |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jun 13, 2008 12:53:39 GMT -5
Anna - Yes I do understand that just because you have not found that special someone yet does not mean that they don't exist, however when you a batting "Zero" you begin to wonder. I didn't mean a "special someone" as such. I just meant that there will be women out there who would love to go out with you. Please don't let it "destroy what little self confidence you ever did have". That one woman doesn't speak for all of us. I agree with Anna though, to quote Edison "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work"... Precisely. I believe there's no such thing as failure - you just stop trying. |
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Post by malcom72 on Jun 15, 2008 23:17:49 GMT -5
Hey thanks for the uplifting advise especially MrNice & Anna. Right now I think I just needed to take a couple a days to collect my thoughts and clear my head. I'm still not sure what my next move will be but i'll be alright one way or another.  |
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