Shy, Quiet, Introverted and Slow to warm-up

[adion]

I'm 23 years old and can honestly say that I have been shy for as long as I can remember. My shyness has always been something I have struggled with especially when I was younger. For example, when I was in elementary school, people used to ask my older brother if I was mute! I was really quiet and shy when I was a kid so I can't blame people for thinking I was mute, but it actually kind of hurt my feelings.

Being shy, to me, feels like being trapped in a prison. There have been so many things I have wanted to do, so many friendships I have missed out on having, so many relationships I have passed over and so many experiences I have declined...all because I was too painfully shy.

I haven't had very many close friends throughout my life, but as I have gotten older, it has gotten harder and harder for me to make and even keep friends. I don't choose to be a loner or a recluse, but it is really hard for me not to be. Sometimes I feel really incompetent when non-shy people say to me: "Why don't you get out and meet people" or "Just talk to people," because for me it is so much harder than that!

When I go out to social events, I am usually quiet. When people speak to me, I am extremely awkward socially and tend to stammer and get nervous or just not know how to respond. Actually, most times if I do want to interact with people, I have to "rehearse" what I am going to say.

I joined this forum because I want and need to make friends that I can relate to.

[gaia]

Jun 15, 2008 11:14:08 GMT -5 adion said:

...I haven't had very many close friends throughout my life, but as I have gotten older, it has gotten harder and harder for me to make and even keep friends. I don't choose to be a loner or a recluse, but it is really hard for me not to be. Sometimes I feel really incompetent when non-shy people say to me: "Why don't you get out and meet people" or "Just talk to people," because for me it is so much harder than that!

I can totally relate to this.
The thing is, even when I do make the effort to talk to new people and smile, it never develops into anything.
I can honestly say I don't know how to move from the 'occasional person to talk to' to being a 'friend'.
Even something as simple as getting a phone number or e-mail to arrange to meet up with someone again, to me, seems impossible and embarassing.

Anyway, you're not alone here. I think a lot of people here can relate to how you're feeling.

[etn]

I can also relate to this.

When it comes to friends, it's been a long time since I've made any new ones.

But, it's my own fault because I don't go and try I guess. Though, when I do try, nothing really comes of it.

[strawberrysweetie]

I can definitely relate to everything you've said. I've been shy all of my life, as well. I remember standing in the lunch line one time during middle school when one of the boys turned around to me and said something like, "why don't you ever talk? Is there something wrong with your voice?" Ugh....that made me feel so sick.

I feel sort of different now than back then, though. Back then, I can definitely say that shyness/anxiety played a big role. After starting college, though, I think I'm a bit better in the anxiety/shyness part of me. I've just always been reserved or more introverted. Actually, I can't open up to anyone unless I know they like me...so that makes meeting anyone new extremely difficult. More than anything, I just think I have a strong 'avoidant personality'...something I've figured out not too long ago. It's very difficult for me to avoid the avoidant tendencies I have. (lol, and that statement seems sort of contradicting )

Anyway...yeeeaaah.....you're not alone.

And btw, welcome to SU. I hope you find it helps.

[sadgirl]

I can relate to everything you say. especially that one about you being mute. I had teachers in school who asked my parents if I was retarded. And they was so ashamed about that, and kept repeating it to me everytime I didn't act as they wished me to do. Saying things like: you have to shape up, people think you are retarded... bla bla bla... I guess that's a sentence that will never leave my brain....

And people always say things like: you don't talk much do you? or : why are you sad?

And new friends are impossible for me to get. I have one friend left in the world, and every day I'm afraid she's going to leave me because I am the way I am...

[eribe79]

I can relate to everything you said and also the other posts here. Sometimes I actually thought being mute would be easier than having the voice that I have because it was so quiet that nobody ever heard what I was saying and I was embarrassed to use my voice! Sad thought...

For a long time, I had maybe one close friend, if that. Only recently I was lucky enough to get back in touch with an old friend and meet another friend that I actually connected with. I find that making connections can be very difficult when you're shy and socially anxious. For me, sometimes I can talk myself out of trying to get close to someone before I even try, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I'm new here, and it's nice to see that I'm not alone.