gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on Jun 23, 2008 15:27:12 GMT -5
I can't help but think maybe this is sour grapes wrt relationships that if you were in one, you wouldn't be writing about not being in one and why it's so important. Are you talking to me in this bit? Because I don't see how my post about appriciating what you have in the non-romantic sense shows i'm sour...
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Post by Bodhi on Jun 23, 2008 16:46:10 GMT -5
you are still thinking about this in terms of strategy - what is the correct sequence of steps you need to take in order to get that one particular girl that is not interested in you to become interested. Its just not going to happen. Yes - nice guys do finish last. Because they don't place any value in themselves. It always comes down to some strategy to convince or trick a girl to like him. For some reason it never crosses the guy's mind that in a relationship that works the girl also puts in effort to get the guy. If you can't think of yourself as a guy that a girl would actually like to get then you will finish last. Of course when you do place value in yourself you automatically become less available, less obsessive and confident - all those things that make you less nice Its always the same story - guy gets a crush on a girl. And she had the same exact amount of time to get to know him but does not feel the same way. Its over at this point. But to the 'nice guy' its only the beginning - now that I have a crush how do I make this girl like me? You're philosophy on relationships always confuses me. You seem to advocate just placing value in yourself and after that dating will come naturally and no strategy or any type of dating tips are needed. I'll just ask you this, how should a single guy go about finding a girlfriend?
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Post by Astroruss on Jun 23, 2008 17:22:30 GMT -5
Sure nice guys finish last. But why is it so important to finish first? Life isn't a race; it's a journey. Maybe women really go for the bad boys, and men go for the dirty girls. But people wise up in time and stop thinking with their genitals. I'll say this, though. Men; learn how to change a tire, or fix a leaky faucet. When you learn to do this well, you become a babe magnet. Pretty soon, your datebook will be filled with flat tires and leaky faucets.
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Post by Naptaq on Jun 23, 2008 17:38:20 GMT -5
Sure nice guys finish last. But why is it so important to finish first? Life isn't a race; it's a journey. Maybe women really go for the bad boys, and men go for the dirty girls. But people wise up in time and stop thinking with their genitals. I'll say this, though. Men; learn how to change a tire, or fix a leaky faucet. When you learn to do this well, you become a babe magnet. Pretty soon, your datebook will be filled with flat tires and leaky faucets. lol, man you're the best. And I really like what you said. Life is a journey
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Post by MrNice on Jun 23, 2008 18:06:44 GMT -5
you are still thinking about this in terms of strategy - what is the correct sequence of steps you need to take in order to get that one particular girl that is not interested in you to become interested. Its just not going to happen. Yes - nice guys do finish last. Because they don't place any value in themselves. It always comes down to some strategy to convince or trick a girl to like him. For some reason it never crosses the guy's mind that in a relationship that works the girl also puts in effort to get the guy. If you can't think of yourself as a guy that a girl would actually like to get then you will finish last. Of course when you do place value in yourself you automatically become less available, less obsessive and confident - all those things that make you less nice Its always the same story - guy gets a crush on a girl. And she had the same exact amount of time to get to know him but does not feel the same way. Its over at this point. But to the 'nice guy' its only the beginning - now that I have a crush how do I make this girl like me? You're philosophy on relationships always confuses me. You seem to advocate just placing value in yourself and after that dating will come naturally and no strategy or any type of dating tips are needed. I'll just ask you this, how should a single guy go about finding a girlfriend? here are the steps 1. you see a girl you are attracted to 2. talk to her - get her phone number - invite her to spend time with you one on one 3. while hanging out if you are enjoying each others company make some romantic moves if not move on to the next girl
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Post by Bodhi on Jun 23, 2008 18:16:22 GMT -5
You're philosophy on relationships always confuses me. You seem to advocate just placing value in yourself and after that dating will come naturally and no strategy or any type of dating tips are needed. I'll just ask you this, how should a single guy go about finding a girlfriend? here are the steps 1. you see a girl you are attracted to 2. talk to her - get her phone number - invite her to spend time with you one on one 3. while hanging out if you are enjoying each others company make some romantic moves if not move on to the next girl Say you're already friends with the girl and/or have developed a crush on her. Do you think it is then impossible to do the exact same steps and have it work, or just more difficult?
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jun 23, 2008 18:32:50 GMT -5
You're philosophy on relationships always confuses me. You seem to advocate just placing value in yourself and after that dating will come naturally and no strategy or any type of dating tips are needed. I'll just ask you this, how should a single guy go about finding a girlfriend? There is no strategy. You have to think you are worthy of having one and not thinking you have to trick someone or do something to get someone to like you.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jun 23, 2008 18:34:22 GMT -5
Say you're already friends with the girl and/or have developed a crush on her. Do you think it is then impossible to do the exact same steps and have it work, or just more difficult? Well she either likes you or she doesn't. I'm sure she already knows if she does or not.
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Post by MrNice on Jun 23, 2008 19:12:40 GMT -5
to give you an idea - if you place a 2x4 on the ground you can walk on it with no problem but if you put it 1000 feet in the air - its way more difficult the action is the same - your state of mind will make you fail
and yes - the girl already knows how she feels about you and if she is not on the same page you advances will seem smothering even if she finds you attractive
if you try to control your behavior, it will be incongruent with your feelings and you will seem weird ----------------------------------------------------------------
as far as putting value in yourself, I don't mean getting in front of the mirror and telling yourself what a great guy you are
to me it means that whatever negative thoughts I have - that I am boring, weird, shy or whatever - the remedy is so what - here I come anyway
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However you still need to learn certain things - shyness does take its toll - we don't know how to enjoy other people's company - particularly the company of other gender. This is where you can use various guides - you have to experiment and do things you have never done before - say things you have never said before. Often because of fear of disapproval.
Flirting, voicing your opinion and feelings in general involve doing things that can possibly not cause a positive reaction (not nice) - but you have to learn to navigate these waters and still do it. You might break some eggs in the beginning and come off overly aggressive - but with experience you learn how to be smooth without getting in people's faces. And even then, sometimes people just don't like you and you have to recognize that too.
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Jun 23, 2008 23:33:32 GMT -5
to give you an idea - if you place a 2x4 on the ground you can walk on it with no problem but if you put it 1000 feet in the air - its way more difficult the action is the same - your state of mind will make you fail and yes - the girl already knows how she feels about you and if she is not on the same page you advances will seem smothering even if she finds you attractive if you try to control your behavior, it will be incongruent with your feelings and you will seem weird ---------------------------------------------------------------- as far as putting value in yourself, I don't mean getting in front of the mirror and telling yourself what a great guy you are to me it means that whatever negative thoughts I have - that I am boring, weird, shy or whatever - the remedy is so what - here I come anyway ---------------------------------------------------------------- However you still need to learn certain things - shyness does take its toll - we don't know how to enjoy other people's company - particularly the company of other gender. This is where you can use various guides - you have to experiment and do things you have never done before - say things you have never said before. Often because of fear of disapproval. Flirting, voicing your opinion and feelings in general involve doing things that can possibly not cause a positive reaction (not nice) - but you have to learn to navigate these waters and still do it. You might break some eggs in the beginning and come off overly aggressive - but with experience you learn how to be smooth without getting in people's faces. And even then, sometimes people just don't like you and you have to recognize that too. I agree with most of what you've said, but I just want to say that if you develop a crush on a friend she may already know how she feels about you, but that could change if she finds out you're interested. People (perhaps females especially) are more inclined to become interested if you show some interest in them, although of course you want to be careful not to come on too strong or to have your self esteem hinge on her reaction to you.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jun 23, 2008 23:40:36 GMT -5
But, regardless of flaws in certain people, I'd like to think they have the ability to change. we all have the potential to change, yes. and sometimes we do.
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Post by MrNice on Jun 24, 2008 10:07:06 GMT -5
I have to completely disagree here knowing how one feels means exactly that - if in the negative, the idea of her and with the guy just doesn't sit well, in that case it doesn't really matter how he feels
the only way it would work is if the girl is somewhat impartial to the guy - she likes him just enough to say yes to an advance but not enough to actively seek his attention. but how she feels is in the positive territory here
this extends beyond romantic as well if someone does not like you for some reason, you will not change their opinion by being nice to them or doing things for them
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once a friend suggested getting flowers for a girl - she said 'flowers can do wonders'. I replied with something or other (arguing), to which she added 'from the right guy, flowers can do wonders'. And that subtlety makes all the difference.
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Post by Astroruss on Jun 24, 2008 15:07:32 GMT -5
this extends beyond romantic as well if someone does not like you for some reason, you will not change their opinion by being nice to them or doing things for them If this were true, then people would never have a change in heart of have relationships. Actions speak louder than words, and sacrificing your time or resources for a woman will mean a great deal to her. You just have to find out what she needs and fulfill it for her. If she gets lots of attention all the time, maybe she wants something different. On the other hand, a woman who is lonely and has no interested suitors may appreciate a nice dinner and elegant dancing. Women are all different, and their experiences make them into the woman she is today. You have to respect that and complement those experiences as a man. Otherwise you are not seeing her a person but only as a female.
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Post by MrNice on Jun 24, 2008 15:39:30 GMT -5
they very rarely do - usually in movies relationships start out with two people attracted to each other what exactly are you trying to show with your actions? not if she doesn't like you she might be greatfull but its not going to sway her opinion - especially if she knows you like her if two guys with different personalities attempt to fulfill her needs in the same manner, she might like one but reject the other its not taking her to dinner/dancing that counts its who is taking her to dinner/dancing that counts
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Post by Astroruss on Jun 24, 2008 23:07:28 GMT -5
Okay Lsdima, let's make a pact: You do things your way, and I'll do things mine. And in fifty years, let's come back to the same thread on the same website and see who has the better life. I'll let you know how things go in the meantime. Life's been good to me so far.
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