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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 8, 2008 18:16:00 GMT -5
So said i would come i had been wanting to talk to him in person but not have to do the one on one thing...i don't want to do dates with strangers. Now the thing is i really don't know how i feel ..i said i wouldn't get involved with anyone unless i was certain i had feelings the "Why not" attitude is what lead me into my last relationship and i was always question why are we together but never dumped him because i couldn't justify it and thought it would be unfair. I'm scared that I have lead this guy on .. and if I decide that i don't want to be with him the idea of telling him really really scares me ..Also i don't really see how we match we have similar personalities but kinda different likes ...eg he likes old school metal i like nu metal and 90's rock alternative...etc .what of for him its just a physical thing ..i mean the night he saw me i don't think we even spoke . okay, that was fun trying to follow all that, lol. but anyways, forgive me for being blunt, but this part here that i quoted sounds kinda nutty to me. from what you've said you've barely had any time to get to know this guy, and you're afraid if you continue seeing him you're gonna get into an unsuitable relationship? it's waaaaayyyyyyyy too soon to be worrying about that. and a guy doesn't have to like exactly the same kind of music you do at all times to be fun to date or even compatible for a relationship. really. it might be fun to turn each other onto some new stuff. and don't be afraid to spend time alone with guys you don't know all that well, how the heck are you supposed to get to know them if you don't? just choose places and times where you feel comfortable and safe. and what's all this stuff about leading him on? how is going out with a guy leading him on? did you promise to have sex with him on the 3rd date? i didn't think so. you worry too much, lol. hey, i'm sure you learned alot from your last relationship with a guy, and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. trust yourself.
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Post by madiocre on Oct 9, 2008 23:05:12 GMT -5
An omen? lol. Interesting. It's just a date, isn't it? What's wrong with the "why not" attitude? It's not like you've said you'd marry him. Just go along and see how it goes.. if you don't like him, then he shouldn't be too disappointed. After all, you said yourself that you didn't really speak to him at that party. Hopefully Jane won't be mad at you for going. You weren't there for Chris or Kate. You were there for the party guy (hah.. it feels weird using their names). You shouldn't worry. Just have fun. Yeah you are right the why not attitude is apropriate its not even an actual date . lol although the fact that the other 4 ppl are partnered it kinda is like a triple date in a weird kinda way I mean whatever he is feeling isnt my fault i havnt lead him on so i shouldnt feel guilty .. Jane isnt mad ..she was a little worried for me she think they are a bad crowd to get mixed up with especially with alcohol that really doesnt bother me much though . lol i had to give names...it would be too confusing without them lol
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Post by madiocre on Oct 9, 2008 23:41:01 GMT -5
So said i would come i had been wanting to talk to him in person but not have to do the one on one thing...i don't want to do dates with strangers. Now the thing is i really don't know how i feel ..i said i wouldn't get involved with anyone unless i was certain i had feelings the "Why not" attitude is what lead me into my last relationship and i was always question why are we together but never dumped him because i couldn't justify it and thought it would be unfair. I'm scared that I have lead this guy on .. and if I decide that i don't want to be with him the idea of telling him really really scares me ..Also i don't really see how we match we have similar personalities but kinda different likes ...eg he likes old school metal i like nu metal and 90's rock alternative...etc .what of for him its just a physical thing ..i mean the night he saw me i don't think we even spoke . okay, that was fun trying to follow all that, lol. but anyways, forgive me for being blunt, but this part here that i quoted sounds kinda nutty to me. from what you've said you've barely had any time to get to know this guy, and you're afraid if you continue seeing him you're gonna get into an unsuitable relationship? it's waaaaayyyyyyyy too soon to be worrying about that. and a guy doesn't have to like exactly the same kind of music you do at all times to be fun to date or even compatible for a relationship. really. it might be fun to turn each other onto some new stuff. and don't be afraid to spend time alone with guys you don't know all that well, how the heck are you supposed to get to know them if you don't? just choose places and times where you feel comfortable and safe. and what's all this stuff about leading him on? how is going out with a guy leading him on? did you promise to have sex with him on the 3rd date? i didn't think so. you worry too much, lol. hey, i'm sure you learned alot from your last relationship with a guy, and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. trust yourself. i know i 'm overthinking way too much I should just go with the flow place trust in myself being able to handle whatever happens or doesn't. ahh sleep patterns are driving me insane all i want to do now is sleep...a few days ago all i wanted to do is be awake ..
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Post by madiocre on Nov 15, 2008 3:14:42 GMT -5
so far it has been good . We are kinda seeing each other "nothing official" is the term he used we will let things just happen . I had been so scared to ask cos i was cared that by asking he would say he wants to be in an relationship . He just said we will take it as it come which is good i mentioned that i didn't want a relationship it hurt him a bit he went quiet cos he thought i meant i didn't want to see him at all but we discussed it after and he now knows what i meant .i guess Im still a little hurt by the previous relationship i hate admitting it. Im suppose to be the type of person who dosnt let things affect her but it has . Also though i have been having a lot of fun living the single life i have found a remarkable improvement in my shyness and have been exploring my less shy self i dont really want to stop that .
Been having some motivational issue though with my studdies i have actually dropped some subjects and will spread out what left over next year instead of finishing it all half way through the year . My problem is i am studying childcare 0-5 i want to work with primary school student and preferably on a one on one basis that is a particular strength of mine as opposed to crowd control of routines. i know this is just a stepping stone to get into what i want to do but its really getting to me
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Post by madiocre on Nov 27, 2008 20:45:27 GMT -5
arhh so glad the semester is over . holidays are finally here such a release. I'm cleaning up my room. My mum decided last friday that we should all swap rooms....it was quite stressful i had to help when i had planned to work on the tonne of homework i had . its funny the way she just decides to do stuff and it has to overide any plans we have . so now finally a week after am in the proces of cleaning it up.
I figured that since completing that task involving go through a lot of junk old things i m hording now would be a good time to evaluate where I am in particular where i m with my .. i dunno what t o call it i haven't got social phobia i think so ill just call it shyness .
O.k so socially i have made some progress. particularly over the last year on both a friendship and "romantic " type level . the are related so i will discuss them together . I managed to have a bf and break up a i have a new guy (not yet a bf but he r monogamous) . having the relationship was a learning curve bi had a lot of hangs up about not being experienced and feeling lke i needed to be shown what to do and helpin working out what it was all about which didnt help a already unhealthy relationship. but i learnt alot i still feel very hurt by it all but its just growing pains. i mean yeah he was an arsehole and it sucked but hopefuly i have learnt . Thats what life is about . i just basically took a crash test in relationships lol . in reference to my shyness well in being with him i was able to talk to other guys more easily because i didnt eel pressure and i seem to be able to have kept that skill since being single i m now more eadsily able to talk to guys and have even made a friend or too who are male (yay i had had a goal to make malle friends ...tick goal achieved ) its also funny to compare single life after being in a relationship to befor i was in the relationship ,. for some reason now i seem to be able to get noticed as befor i didnt . i now get what ppl say able havn=ing fun being single . im able to talk to guys now ok i wont be going up to strangers saying hi im an aries...anythiime soon but friends of friends etc im not as shy as i was . i have a new group of people i hang with one particular friend seems to have a good influence on my shyness . She can be very friendly and i have learnt by hanging around her to be a little less worisome for example we went and got piercings she noticed a bag that girl had and really liked it she was able to go up complimment the girl and start talking about . by seeing her do stuff like that and not having any weird wtf reactions from ppl i feel i little more confident that maybe people arent as closed to strangers as i perceive them to be .by interacting woth these people i tend to be meeting new people too my other group if we did anything it was the same group of ppeople no new people were ever brought etc .
ok so i m able to talk to people i meet and develop friendships... however this only seems to work in a social setting, at work i still face alot of issues . for example i work in the game department of a toy store its a high security area and i m not allowed to leave the area unless i really have to and i get someone to cover me so getting tcertain stuff i need i have to ask someelse to get it for me ..i really struggle in doing that . i have to also put secruty seals on stock and get someone to take it out and put it on show or put it away in a store room ..this i also have issues with . unless i have a customer who really needs something i try very hard not to ask other staff to do stuff . Its like im afriad that if i do they will resent me for adding to their already big work load . but thats not theonly problem in completeing my practical experience i had issues with communication as well . I'm studying childcare and so as part of the course i was working in a centre 2 days a week i found it difficult when i had things on my mind that i needed to say i would plan on saying it but there was alkways alot of hesitation when it came down to it for example i had one particular assessment where i needed to set up a "learning centre." where basically i would need to take part of the room and dedicate it to an interest ie transport and have books and relevant things displayed and evolve it following what the children were interested in . so taking up part of the room recquired asking staff ..... i ended up not asking and then deffered that subject to next semester . my document class also recquired i speak to my focus child's parents and to staff and get comments from them to be written in the childs portfolio ...another subject i ended up deferring ....i would get to go ask have in mond what i was going to say but then found asthey were talking to another staff or busy with work i would freeze trying to find the right time to cut in then end up walking away . the lack of communication even effected my observed performance assessment where a teacher socomes and watches how i interact asks staff abit how i am doing and looks at the worlk i have done . the staff commented that i was good at x y and z etc but just had issues with telling them what was going and sharing information etc and thus i got a lower mark . whuch was fair i guess.....
and aswell as this i find in work environments i m not able to make friends with people i dont get why i just can't .
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Post by crimeclub on Nov 28, 2008 0:46:51 GMT -5
Congratulations on the progress. I remember when I finally stumbled my way into my first relationship, I had no clue what I was doing, I think I came off as too needy/clingy, and I was just too self conscious about stuff to really enjoy alot of it. Her being an extremely out going girl made it tough for me. But I learned ALOT from that relationship. Not only did it help me realize that having a girlfriend wasn't infact an untouchable experience for me, it also helped me to realize what kind of person I am, and things I need to work on. I already had plans too move out of the house and go to college, and she broke up with me a few weeks before I left, she said because there was no point in keeping it going when we were going to be away from eachother, fair enough. But I'm sure she was getting tired of my needy tendancies, and I think we both knew she was able to get someone who was a little more mature and experienced in relationships than I was. I took it extremely hard for a long time. Another thing I learned, do NOT dwell on the break up, it does no good. I was pretty bummed, I lost my first girlfriend that I was sure was for me (Hahaha. She was cute but what else could I have possibly seen in her? ) And I was now having to quit cold turkey my newly found favorite hobby: making out. ;D Oh, by the way, this was like 5 years ago or so, she's now married to my best friend. Nice. By the way, I know what you're talking about when you say it's hard to make freindships happen at work. I can make friendly accuaintances, but never "hang out" buddys. I just feel like I'm not in my element at work. The comfort of already established friendships that already know me is when I feel like I can be myself. But at work I have that pressure of feeling like I need to prove myself to all these people in a place that has a large variety of personalities, which kinda puts up a no tresspassing zone for me as far as making real connections with people at work. It's weird because no one else seems to have trouble with it. Others at my work actually hang out with eachother outside of work, and alot of times they'll come in when they're not even on shift, just to hang out with the other co workers. When I clock out, my work and the people in it are the last thing on my mind untill I clock back in.
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Post by rukryM on Nov 28, 2008 11:34:24 GMT -5
Having had only one relationship I'm still on the look for the right person to come, but I've learned a lot from it as well. She was outgoing and social too, and we moved in two different directions, sometimes back and forth, but totally we were converging. I honestly don't know why I didn't break up with her before she ditched me, but it made me realise the type of girl I NOT want to be around, and what aspects of myself I need to improve in a relationship. She was a real bitch and just got more and more mentally abominate towards the end. The only positive thing about her was how she looked, and of course that's not enough for a long-lasting relationship {though I must say I miss the snogging }. Just wanted to let you two last posters know that you're not alone there.
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Post by madiocre on Dec 24, 2008 0:34:06 GMT -5
Congratulations on the progress. I remember when I finally stumbled my way into my first relationship, I had no clue what I was doing, I think I came off as too needy/clingy, and I was just too self conscious about stuff to really enjoy alot of it. Her being an extremely out going girl made it tough for me. But I learned ALOT from that relationship. Not only did it help me realize that having a girlfriend wasn't infact an untouchable experience for me, it also helped me to realize what kind of person I am, and things I need to work on. I already had plans too move out of the house and go to college, and she broke up with me a few weeks before I left, she said because there was no point in keeping it going when we were going to be away from eachother, fair enough. But I'm sure she was getting tired of my needy tendancies, and I think we both knew she was able to get someone who was a little more mature and experienced in relationships than I was. I took it extremely hard for a long time. Another thing I learned, do NOT dwell on the break up, it does no good. I was pretty bummed, I lost my first girlfriend that I was sure was for me (Hahaha. She was cute but what else could I have possibly seen in her? ) And I was now having to quit cold turkey my newly found favorite hobby: making out. ;D Oh, by the way, this was like 5 years ago or so, she's now married to my best friend. Nice. By the way, I know what you're talking about when you say it's hard to make freindships happen at work. I can make friendly accuaintances, but never "hang out" buddys. I just feel like I'm not in my element at work. The comfort of already established friendships that already know me is when I feel like I can be myself. But at work I have that pressure of feeling like I need to prove myself to all these people in a place that has a large variety of personalities, which kinda puts up a no tresspassing zone for me as far as making real connections with people at work. It's weird because no one else seems to have trouble with it. Others at my work actually hang out with eachother outside of work, and alot of times they'll come in when they're not even on shift, just to hang out with the other co workers. When I clock out, my work and the people in it are the last thing on my mind untill I clock back in. thanks for the congrats . yeah i think sometimes i get a little caught up on the fact that i have no experience when really alot of it isnt nesecarily to do with that its about being mindful of the other person and i feel as if the last year i have gained so much experience but im still of the mindset that im that same person who couldnt say boo to boysmy self concept needs to be updated or something. I tried to analyse my relationship after we broke up to squeeze it of every little detail in hope that i would learn and grow more from it but i always found sitting and annalysing just made me felt bad i need to have the confidence that the lessons have been learnt . Yeah work friends is a tricky one i think possibly if i was to go get another job i may have it easier in making new friends for example we had a new girl in our department my age and i was able to talk to her about stuff so much more then any of the old associates (it off course helps that she was my age unlike the rest of them who are teenagers and teenagers scare me more anyway .)Its somewhat how the powerplay works in the work place that gets me too i think .
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Post by madiocre on Dec 24, 2008 0:38:06 GMT -5
Having had only one relationship I'm still on the look for the right person to come, but I've learned a lot from it as well. She was outgoing and social too, and we moved in two different directions, sometimes back and forth, but totally we were converging. I honestly don't know why I didn't break up with her before she ditched me, but it made me realise the type of girl I NOT want to be around, and what aspects of myself I need to improve in a relationship. She was a real bitch and just got more and more mentally abominate towards the end. The only positive thing about her was how she looked, and of course that's not enough for a long-lasting relationship {though I must say I miss the snogging }. Just wanted to let you two last posters know that you're not alone there. its good to hear that we aren't alone on these matters. and yeah i think the biggest lesson i have learnt is it has to be the right person . In light of recent events and listening to feelings i think to be in an actual relationship you need to be with the right person .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 24, 2008 2:03:12 GMT -5
Having had only one relationship I'm still on the look for the right person to come, but I've learned a lot from it as well. She was outgoing and social too, and we moved in two different directions, sometimes back and forth, but totally we were converging. I honestly don't know why I didn't break up with her before she ditched me, but it made me realise the type of girl I NOT want to be around, and what aspects of myself I need to improve in a relationship. She was a real bitch and just got more and more mentally abominate towards the end. The only positive thing about her was how she looked, and of course that's not enough for a long-lasting relationship {though I must say I miss the snogging }. Just wanted to let you two last posters know that you're not alone there. its good to hear that we aren't alone on these matters. and yeah i think the biggest lesson i have learnt is it has to be the right person . In light of recent events and listening to feelings i think to be in an actual relationship you need to be with the right person . well, i can agree with that. but where i think alot of people go wrong on here is that they think they can't even spend time with anyone who they haven't already determined is perfect for them, usually at 100 paces at least.
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Post by madiocre on Dec 24, 2008 3:36:02 GMT -5
yeah well i will spend time with people im just not going to commit to a relationship to someone who i dont have full feelings for .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 24, 2008 3:42:01 GMT -5
yeah well i will spend time with people im just not going to commit to a relationship to someone who i dont have full feelings for . that seems sensible.
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Post by madiocre on Dec 24, 2008 3:44:58 GMT -5
well it is common sence really ...but sometimes the common sense of all this stuff gets lost in emotions and wants so i think it helps to speak it.
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Post by madiocre on Dec 28, 2008 6:56:49 GMT -5
ok so udates on the guys side of my life lol ....(i dont like using the word love to describe ,y "love life" lol ) so anyway i was seeing darren then we were talking abu tmonogamy and he said how he doesnt like the idea of other guys with me so we decided to go monogamous .... that was ok then for a week he wouldnt reply tome at all.... i finally texted him and said im sick of this misery already if you dont stop it i will have to move on so he told me to forget about him i asked shy he lost interest he said he "just did"... anoying thing is that he had complained that i wasnt giving him enough attention so once i started he stopped (i guess it is true how they say the best way to get rid of a guy is to give them what they want.....*rolls eyes* i hate these games*) Thing is i was happy once it stopped and i really did something wrong...i senced when he stopped mesaging etc there was something wrong... i went out and i met an amazing guy ( in a bar) and we made out befor ending it with darren i havnt told him and dont know if i should really. anyway i met the new guy ryan dancing we had this awesome fun chemistry together the next week we met up in the city on the premise of seeing a movie (lol i like taking guys to the movies you dont have to talk and i figured we could make out again ) but he wanted to to do something else so we grabbed coffee and since i couldnt remeber where the mseum is and he had no clue being a touristy and all we just sat and spoke......it was awesome i could actually hold a conversation with this guy and we share so many of the same believes he is like the perfect balnce of fun and seriousness ... then we were like ok we'll meet up again and go to the museum or we can get a group of friends together and club..then he didnt call or respond to messages i sent (he had basically put the ball in court saying to text or watever later in the week if i wanted to do something)... i was upset over it lol i wasnt upset about breaking with darren but i was upset about ryan whom i hardly knew... but finally he started texting again and it turned out his phone had issues but he got a new one and wants to meet up nye i bring friends he brings friends kinda thing...we have been talkng but the randomly yesterday he was like hey im going mountain biking but keep in contact i texted back and he hasnt for 2 days.... isuppose thats what he meant is that he wont be texting cos he's away but i dunno if he'l be back nye anyway those plans were open sorta things i guess. im scared im getting too attached i mean he's only here on holidays and will go back to canada february (indefinately).
* there is i guess no real question to this post but i feel a need to spill and this is the place i feel comfortable doing so please feel free to comment if you feel like it though .
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 28, 2008 7:57:53 GMT -5
It kinds sounds to me like you don't really know what you want.
What do you want from a guy?
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