Post by bennyl998 on Oct 8, 2008 15:52:19 GMT -5
In elementary school i was one of the most popular and outgoing guys at the school. I was the class clown of every class. However, now im in college and im EXTREMELY quiet and shy...heres the in between story....
My family places so much emphasis on looks and will call out anyone's fault. They can be very hurtful when not even trying to be. In addition when i was young i was picked on by local bullies because i was very small. My family has always verbally abused me. I think that caused this a bit but also i was born with a few genetic disorders that with normal clothing is covered up but the burden of hiding and worrying about them really hurt my confidence. I avoided my favorite places, the beach and pool because i couldnt let people see these things. And yeah, no one can see them if i had a shirt on but i was always worried if someone bumped into me and felt my messed up chest or my shirt ripped. Well just about all my life ive been complemented for being good looking and so many girls asked me out in middle school but i was under the impression that they would want my shirt off eventually or get close and feel my deformed chest and then tell everyone so i just rejected girl after girl. Even with all these girls asking me out it gave me no confidence just made me mad for the genetic disorders i had. But i was extremely outgoing and popular amongst guys so i didnt think much of it because being shy around girls can be a normal thing at that age.
But High school began and i knew no one there and all a sudden i got VERY bad acne...ppl would comment about it in class...this killed my confidence and so i avoided ppl because i couldnt take the way they would look or laugh at me. And because of this i was immediately labeled a quiet weird kid that ppl thought just wanted to be left alone. And that wasnt true i had just been struck with this sudden break out all over my face, i looked horrible and because of this i couldnt approach these new people and try to make friends...so i never found a group id be comfortable with and not shy with. My sophmore year i was struck with tragedies and depression, i walked around the halls angry and sad over what happened so no one talked to me. 11th grade was the only good H.S. year, i hit the gym and fixed the gross genetic problem i had and my face cleared. Girls were crazy for me, they stared and talked about me all the time. Many of them said i just looked like a completely different person and others thought i was a new kid. I started sports and made some friends and the hottest girl at the school asked me out...started going to parties and everything...life was great and my confidence was back. But then i had a break out and she dumped me because of it...this girl was my first gf, first love, first sex...all these girls that crushed on me stopped when they saw this break out i had. I was actually nominated by many for best looking guy in school but then i had this break out and the girls running the thing actually wrote disqualified by my name. They looked at me with pity and i would hear stuff like 'he use to be cute'... this made me so extremely insecure i started messing with my face so much and ended up always making it worse, even gave myself scars, i wouldnt even leave the house unless my face looked good...because of this i blew off my friends so much they stopped talking to me. And the rest of the guys hated me because of all the girls that liked me...i got beaten up several times by jealous guys...senior year came and it started out fantastic, girls crazy for me again BUT THEN of course i had a terrible break out and i was so angry i even tried putting on my sisters make up to cover it and then word got around that i wore make up. Also the guys who were jealous of me before started rumors that it was herpes so then now even the girls wanted nothing to do with me. i was depressed and stopped going to school and stayed inside all day long and because of this i got fired from my job and almost got kicked out of school. I just about stopped talking to ppl altogether. My parents verbally abused me all day long calling me a failure and a loser. They would constantly point out all that i use to have and how great i use to be and they feel like they lost that great son and started ignoring me. I use to shrug off when my parents told me that great son they once had is gone who was popular, athletic, and successful...telling myself its just been the breakouts that screwed me over...i havent really changed and ill get my life back when they are gone. But maybe they are right, i went from straight A's to nearly getting kicked out of high school and huge parties to not even having one friend say happy bday to me. I never hang out with ppl or go out anymore and because of this, the HUGE amount of time i spend just inside alone all day i feel like i lost my people skills, i use to be the funniest and most outgoing of the bunch, but now all this secluded time and insecurity ive built up i cant bring myself to say more than a few words to someone.
So basically, shyness started kicking in, in middle school around 8th grade, i dont know why exactly, there were several factors that may have been the case but for some reason in 8th grade i was very shy around anyone i wasnt already close with(my friends) and i had alot of friends in middle school because of how outgoing i was in 7th and 8th grade. In high school however, i knew no one so everyone was new and new people are who im shy around. That combined with the terrbile break out i got at the beginning of high school, it made it near impossible for me to try to make some friends. And i basically was able to fight shyness with my good looks, and girls would come to me so i didnt have to approach them but then i started getting terrible break outs and i couldnt use my looks to fight shyness.
My family places so much emphasis on looks and will call out anyone's fault. They can be very hurtful when not even trying to be. In addition when i was young i was picked on by local bullies because i was very small. My family has always verbally abused me. I think that caused this a bit but also i was born with a few genetic disorders that with normal clothing is covered up but the burden of hiding and worrying about them really hurt my confidence. I avoided my favorite places, the beach and pool because i couldnt let people see these things. And yeah, no one can see them if i had a shirt on but i was always worried if someone bumped into me and felt my messed up chest or my shirt ripped. Well just about all my life ive been complemented for being good looking and so many girls asked me out in middle school but i was under the impression that they would want my shirt off eventually or get close and feel my deformed chest and then tell everyone so i just rejected girl after girl. Even with all these girls asking me out it gave me no confidence just made me mad for the genetic disorders i had. But i was extremely outgoing and popular amongst guys so i didnt think much of it because being shy around girls can be a normal thing at that age.
But High school began and i knew no one there and all a sudden i got VERY bad acne...ppl would comment about it in class...this killed my confidence and so i avoided ppl because i couldnt take the way they would look or laugh at me. And because of this i was immediately labeled a quiet weird kid that ppl thought just wanted to be left alone. And that wasnt true i had just been struck with this sudden break out all over my face, i looked horrible and because of this i couldnt approach these new people and try to make friends...so i never found a group id be comfortable with and not shy with. My sophmore year i was struck with tragedies and depression, i walked around the halls angry and sad over what happened so no one talked to me. 11th grade was the only good H.S. year, i hit the gym and fixed the gross genetic problem i had and my face cleared. Girls were crazy for me, they stared and talked about me all the time. Many of them said i just looked like a completely different person and others thought i was a new kid. I started sports and made some friends and the hottest girl at the school asked me out...started going to parties and everything...life was great and my confidence was back. But then i had a break out and she dumped me because of it...this girl was my first gf, first love, first sex...all these girls that crushed on me stopped when they saw this break out i had. I was actually nominated by many for best looking guy in school but then i had this break out and the girls running the thing actually wrote disqualified by my name. They looked at me with pity and i would hear stuff like 'he use to be cute'... this made me so extremely insecure i started messing with my face so much and ended up always making it worse, even gave myself scars, i wouldnt even leave the house unless my face looked good...because of this i blew off my friends so much they stopped talking to me. And the rest of the guys hated me because of all the girls that liked me...i got beaten up several times by jealous guys...senior year came and it started out fantastic, girls crazy for me again BUT THEN of course i had a terrible break out and i was so angry i even tried putting on my sisters make up to cover it and then word got around that i wore make up. Also the guys who were jealous of me before started rumors that it was herpes so then now even the girls wanted nothing to do with me. i was depressed and stopped going to school and stayed inside all day long and because of this i got fired from my job and almost got kicked out of school. I just about stopped talking to ppl altogether. My parents verbally abused me all day long calling me a failure and a loser. They would constantly point out all that i use to have and how great i use to be and they feel like they lost that great son and started ignoring me. I use to shrug off when my parents told me that great son they once had is gone who was popular, athletic, and successful...telling myself its just been the breakouts that screwed me over...i havent really changed and ill get my life back when they are gone. But maybe they are right, i went from straight A's to nearly getting kicked out of high school and huge parties to not even having one friend say happy bday to me. I never hang out with ppl or go out anymore and because of this, the HUGE amount of time i spend just inside alone all day i feel like i lost my people skills, i use to be the funniest and most outgoing of the bunch, but now all this secluded time and insecurity ive built up i cant bring myself to say more than a few words to someone.
So basically, shyness started kicking in, in middle school around 8th grade, i dont know why exactly, there were several factors that may have been the case but for some reason in 8th grade i was very shy around anyone i wasnt already close with(my friends) and i had alot of friends in middle school because of how outgoing i was in 7th and 8th grade. In high school however, i knew no one so everyone was new and new people are who im shy around. That combined with the terrbile break out i got at the beginning of high school, it made it near impossible for me to try to make some friends. And i basically was able to fight shyness with my good looks, and girls would come to me so i didnt have to approach them but then i started getting terrible break outs and i couldnt use my looks to fight shyness.
