uh oh..

[pnoopiepnats]

Dec 23, 2008 3:55:16 GMT -5 crimeclub said:

Ok so recently I've been hanging out with this girl that I just met, she's a friend of a friend, and I think I might be getting into a problem. Right now we have a "cuddle buddy"/occasionally make out with no strings attached type of relationship, the thing is, it seems like the more I get to know her the less I want to hang out with her, we're just way different. I just got back from a long night at her place and I just felt like I was faking interest in her friendship all night just to cuddle and makeout. I know, that's horrible. So I left feeling even deeper in the hole that I'm digging myself in while she's telling me to call her tomarrow. I don't want to. I don't want to take advantage of her friendship anymore just to do those physical things with her, but I also don't want to be straight up with her and tell her I'm not into her.. Damn it! What do I do??

It looks like she is into you so just be honest and tell her you aren't interested and then stop the cuddle buddy stuff.

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 23, 2008 3:55:16 GMT -5 crimeclub said:

Ok so recently I've been hanging out with this girl that I just met, she's a friend of a friend, and I think I might be getting into a problem. Right now we have a "cuddle buddy"/occasionally make out with no strings attached type of relationship, the thing is, it seems like the more I get to know her the less I want to hang out with her, we're just way different. I just got back from a long night at her place and I just felt like I was faking interest in her friendship all night just to cuddle and makeout. I know, that's horrible. So I left feeling even deeper in the hole that I'm digging myself in while she's telling me to call her tomarrow. I don't want to. I don't want to take advantage of her friendship anymore just to do those physical things with her, but I also don't want to be straight up with her and tell her I'm not into her.. Damn it! What do I do??

hey, it happens....actually it happens the other way around sometimes too - people sometimes end up faking interest in the physical stuff just to try to maintain the friendship. try not to worry about it too much. it's natural that sometimes things work out this way through no real fault on anyone's part. it's decent of you to care about not taking advantage of her. it is important to be honest in relationships. i would just tell her that you honestly don't feel you have enough in common to make a relationship work, and you don't want to take advantage of her so you're backing off. don't get me wrong, you can't expect gratitude for your honesty. she may have hurt pride and lash out at you in fact. but from what you've said here, i don't think you'd be happy with yourself if you weren't honest with her...and soon.

ps - i also feel compelled to mention the possibility that you could be reading her wrong, so i wouldn't swagger up to her and start off with 'i hate to break your heart little lady, but...'

for all i know she could be saying the things she thinks she's supposed to say in these situations, but actually thinks of you more as a boytoy than a potential spouse, lol. so be careful to keep your humility about you, or you could get your swelled head popped by a sharp pin.

people, especially people who live primarily in their own heads, often get these things a bit wrong. i know several months ago a guy who i had not at all thought of as a potential romance 'broke it to me' that he doesn't date people he works with, in absolute seriousness. i had to suppress a smile to save his ego, because it was the last thing on my mind, lol.

[rukryM]

The truth needs to come forth. Tell her that you feel you two are diverging and that you're too different from each other. If you continue cuddling with her you're lying to and exploiting her, and the longer you wait, the harder it'll get for her to accept it^^.

[MrNice]

just don't make out and cuddle with her
she'll get the point

trying to explain with anything more then 'I just don't feel it' (or some variation) is a waste of time imo

[MrNice]

she got pissed that I assumed that she was into me like that, like I was some cocky jerk, but I've since saved face with her

heh, its funny how she turned it around on you
it was her that needed to save face, and I guess she did it well

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 23, 2008 21:24:42 GMT -5 MrNice said:

she got pissed that I assumed that she was into me like that, like I was some cocky jerk, but I've since saved face with her

heh, its funny how she turned it around on you
it was her that needed to save face, and I guess she did it well

why do guys assume that a female has made the decision to spend the rest of her life with you just cuz she has spooned with you for a short time? stop readin those damn harlequin romances! ;D

[Sweet Pea]

Dec 23, 2008 21:38:36 GMT -5 crimeclub said:

what was with editing my post? Anyway, I got that feeling because it's happened a couple times before with other girls, we do that kind of stuff, they get into me and after a while when I stop they're confused and are pissed that I didn't get as emotionally invested in it as them.

you spelled my name wrong. it's SWEET Pea.

sounds like you're doing just fine with the ladies. i'm not worried about you.

[MrNice]

why do guys assume that a female has made the decision to spend the rest of her life with you just cuz she has spooned with you for a short time? stop readin those damn harlequin romances!

spooning is ok, but making out is a much bigger step
getting pissed off about it = emotionally invested

what are harlequin romances?

[MrNice]

you spelled my name wrong. it's SWEET Pea.

hey don't blame him, even you made that mistake

[wapwawet]

Dec 23, 2008 23:18:13 GMT -5 crimeclub said:

Dec 23, 2008 21:43:54 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

sounds like you're doing just fine with the ladies. i'm not worried about you.

heh, I wish. this little adventure I'm currently on is due to her outgoing (and horny) nature, all I did was take the balls out of my metaphoric purse like I rarely do and join everyone in the movie room for a movie.

You can still chalk it up to experience, though. That is always a good thing. Right?

[madiocre]

yeah i think you have learnt a good lesson here. girls or boys can't be stereotyped . so by saving face do you mean you will continue to be cuddle buddies?

[pnoopiepnats]

Dec 23, 2008 21:30:21 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

why do guys assume that a female has made the decision to spend the rest of her life with you just cuz she has spooned with you for a short time? stop readin those damn harlequin romances! ;D

Yeah it does seem some guys seem a bit smug and self assured about that kind of thing when they shouldn't be.

[rukryM]

Just don't take it to the nude and more intimate level if you choose to stick with your cuddling^^.

[solacefox]

Just be honest with her without playing posturing games. It takes more maturity instead of all the hand-wringing guessing games and self-inflicted angst. It'll also take a lot of potential grief out of the situation for both of you and bring more enjoyment if you discover you're both on the same page.

[crimeclub]

well, an update on this situation.. we continued our no strings attached ways and now she has feellings for me. Now she's angry that I don't have the same feelings in return so we're taking a break from hanging out for a while. Hmm maybe me being straight up with her in the beginning when I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship (and she got very upset that I did so) is now justified. Anyway, not to be selfish and only see my gain instead of her loss (I do feel bad for her) but this whole situation kinda surpised me, I'm always fearing that I'm not good enough and I wonder if there is any girl that could actually like me enough to want to be exclusive, and this confirms that I do have hope! And I really wasn't putting too much effort into this (I didn't want to lead her on). I just need to keep those negative feelings out of my head. Anyway, I feel bad, I know what it's like to be in her situation, I always take things like this too hard and I always dwell on it when it happens to me, so I've been trying to be extremely sensative when I talk with her about it, we've been texting back and forth and unfortunately my cell phone isn't getting any reception right now so she thinks I'm ignoring her, crap.