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Post by wakingdream on Jan 7, 2009 14:34:18 GMT -5
My problem is not so much a relationship but more the lack of a relationship.... I just feel so damn lonely sometimes!!
I have never really had a proper relationship..There have been girls that were infatuated with me at times in my life, but when they really started to know me they'd rather be friends.. so that didn't really work out.
I just wish I didn't care so much about rejections. Everytime I see a cute girl, I try to make a little eye contact but I'm afraid to really walk up to her and talk to her, and I'm afraid of her walking to me a bit aswell. I've heard so many people say : "Just do it", "Just walk up to her" blabla.. But I'm really scared...I mean really..I fear death less than rejections.
It hurts me that my friends all have girlfriends, or at least had one proper relationship. Well I spent a lot of time with my friends, and that helps against my feelings of loneliness...But when I get home I'm alone again and I would just like to cuddle with someone you know...
So what to do?? I don't want to become a recluse..
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jan 7, 2009 15:05:14 GMT -5
I know what you mean.
I feel lonely a lot.
I was thinking about this guy from a long time ago. I always cry when I think about him which is silly but I do.
This was someone I worked with and I had a little crush on him and he on me but everything was kept professional and nothing ever happened.
I guess I just really like the way he made me feel.
This job was a nightmare and because of him, I looked forward to going to work lol.
I think he really filled my loneliness and love tanks up.
He just made me feel so important.
My office was clear across the building and he would come all the way over just to say hi.
Then my office moved closer to his and I would go to his office and we would have the best talks. He would pull up a chair for me to sit down and he would turn away from his computer and focus on me 100% and he would shut the door to his office so there would be no distractions. It really made me feel special.
So we would talk for a good hour about everything. He really listened to me and took an interest in me as a person.
In meetings, he would walk clear across the conference room and sit by me and we would grin goofily at each other. I would be walking out to lunch and he would run to catch up with me and want to go to lunch with me.
We had a lot in common.
I remember the last day I worked there and we had our customary chat. I felt so sad as I knew I'd never see him again.
When I came back for goodbyes there was someone else in the office blabbering and so I said goodbye and we shook hands and he let it linger for quite awhile. I really wanted to hug him but I didn't want to in front of the other co worker.
To be treated like that is just magic.
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Post by rukryM on Jan 7, 2009 16:32:51 GMT -5
This gruesome feeling is what bothers me a lot. To not have a girl around you who loves you. To be all alone and yearning for someone's presence. At daytime I manage to keep it down some notches by focusing on school, working out and so on, but at nighttime when I'm all by myself, it comes again and does horrible things.
Approaching and talking to a girl is actually not such a great obstacle, it just feels like it.
They're humans too, only a little different from males. It's just that utter pain when they start judging you based on your first impression, which when it comes to me is nothing but lousy. Some think I'm a lunatic too.
Anyway, what seems to be the biggest issue here is to find a female who accepts you for being shy, having APD or SP/SA {social phobia/social anxiety} and doesn't see you as weak or a waste of time. Someone who values you for your other qualities, but those seem to very rare nowadays as they always turn their eyes to the males who scream loud and behave like monkeys. It's just so very difficult to get past that first judging obstacle when you're not very talkative^^.
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Post by arizona on Jan 27, 2009 15:49:22 GMT -5
Years ago, I befriended a very nice woman who I liked a lot. We visited, we talked, I was hoping it would eventually go to the next level---let myself fall in unrequited love with her. She used to tell me I had so much to offer (she was trying to lift my spirits), but guess what, she didn't want what I had to offer. Soon after, she met the proverbial rich handsome guy who swept her off her feet, and that was that.
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Post by Jeremy on Jan 27, 2009 16:52:59 GMT -5
Years ago, I befriended a very nice woman who I liked a lot. We visited, we talked, I was hoping it would eventually go to the next level---let myself fall in unrequited love with her. She used to tell me I had so much to offer (she was trying to lift my spirits), but guess what, she didn't want what I had to offer. Soon after, she met the proverbial rich handsome guy who swept her off her feet, and that was that. I've had a similar(ish) kind of experience with a former work collegue. Trouble is she was always with someone, and even when she wasn't I never had the nerve to ask her out, because (I told myself) I had to work with her and it would have made things awkward. Now she's working somewhere else, and had been there a short while when someone four or five years younger than her asked her for a drink one day (what's a spotty youth got that I haven't?!  ). Now she is expecting his baby, having been together for only a couple of months and that is pretty much that. No going back now, and she never had a clue how I felt either. The one small consolation is that she has finally found someone who treats her well rather than some abusive thug who treats her badly but whom she finds irisistably attractive. I still consider her a friend so in that sense I'm happy for her. But any illusions (delusions?) I may have had have now been shattered, and magnified again how lonely I feel. Sorry you had to see all of that, and it hasn't really helped with the OP's problems.  |
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Post by rukryM on Jan 27, 2009 17:04:42 GMT -5
It usually helps knowing you're not the only one who feels alone.
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Post by nelo on Jan 27, 2009 17:17:59 GMT -5
Not really...just means there's a bunch of lonely people who can't go near each other.
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Post by rukryM on Jan 27, 2009 17:33:49 GMT -5
It does in the way that you know you're not the only one struggling with these issues.
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Post by brightestdark on Feb 5, 2009 13:37:08 GMT -5
I get lonely sometimes and wish I was in a relationship. I had quite a few boyfriends when I was in my late teens but I haven't had a boyfriend for 14 years. It sucks. It's almost worse that I met the one guy recently who I met 3 times. I felt worse when he told me he wanted to be just friends as he was back seeing his ex. I think I'd have prefered to not have met him at all because it was like I got so close - and then it was taken away from me. Grr. That said I'm on an online dating site and loads of guys write to me interested in me - but I'm so picky and they're not my type. I'd rather stay single than be with one I am not attracted to.
The thing to do is think of all the benefits of being single. Probably won't help, esp if you're having one of those moments where you just want someone, but things to think about are how much money you're saving by not having to go see someone, how you won't end up arguing with them and breaking up - because a lot of relationships do have all the arguments and crap... and so on.
wakingdream - are you on any online dating sites?
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Post by rukryM on Feb 5, 2009 15:13:42 GMT -5
Didn't realise until after the break up of my first and only relationship the enormous amounts of money I saved on being single. Still sucks being lonely^^.
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Post by nelo on Feb 5, 2009 16:51:32 GMT -5
As far as I know, I've always been single...might have been a girl in high school who was interested but she got a b/f the next year and I'm trying to erase her from my mind.
I'm getting bored of OkCupid...people barely respond and over half the women list themselves as bi...don't ask me why.
Its kind of annoying how picky some people are.
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Post by wakingdream on Feb 5, 2009 20:00:01 GMT -5
wakingdream - are you on any online dating sites? No, I'm not. I don't really think I would like to meet up with someone who I met on a dating site...I'm too shy for that... I'd rather have people come up to me in real life, though that rarely happens  By the way I'm really sorry to hear you haven't had a boyfriend for 14 years, that really sucks . |
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Post by wakingdream on Feb 5, 2009 20:02:51 GMT -5
This gruesome feeling is what bothers me a lot. To not have a girl around you who loves you. To be all alone and yearning for someone's presence. At daytime I manage to keep it down some notches by focusing on school, working out and so on, but at nighttime when I'm all by myself, it comes again and does horrible things. I hear ya...nighttime is the worst. |
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Post by k151 on Feb 6, 2009 3:29:44 GMT -5
My sole relationship experience was a girl I was with back in 2004. I had known her somewhat since grade 7, but we were in the same english class in grade 10. We started talking/flirting a bit.
She really liked me for awhile, I really liked her.
It makes me feel like shit when I think about what really happened.
She got dumped by her boyfriend (who she was still going out with when she started liking me). She then went out with me for awhile. She actually kissed me one night and as I was leaving her house, she seemed really happy.
It was a matter of days later and it was all over. Less than a month and she was back with her old boyfriend.
It was the cruelest fucking thing anyone has done to me. I mean we were 16, but still no one deserves what I got. I felt completely useless.
Despite all the unhappiness following that relationship, the time I had in the relationship was awesome. I have not had someone feel like that about me before or since. I haven't been happy since then. It really wears me down.
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etn
Full Member
Posts: 107
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Post by etn on Feb 23, 2009 17:32:01 GMT -5
Y She used to tell me I had so much to offer (she was trying to lift my spirits), but guess what, she didn't want what I had to offer. I know the feeling, apparently I'm quite the catch... for someone else. Usually, I'm able to go for long stretches without really being bothered by it. But a couple of days ago, I had to attend a function and all I heard from people was "my girlfriend this, my boyfriend that or My wife this, my husband that." It's like hearing some rich person complain that they can't afford a tenth car. It was hard not to let it get to me. But, it did. |
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). Now she is expecting his baby, having been together for only a couple of months and that is pretty much that. No going back now, and she never had a clue how I felt either. The one small consolation is that she has finally found someone who treats her well rather than some abusive thug who treats her badly but whom she finds irisistably attractive. I still consider her a friend so in that sense I'm happy for her. But any illusions (delusions?) I may have had have now been shattered, and magnified again how lonely I feel.
