|
Post by rukryM on Jan 27, 2009 17:32:52 GMT -5
I'll never do it again.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 7, 2009 20:37:14 GMT -5
i still miss him...
maybe in another life time...
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 11, 2009 2:01:43 GMT -5
this is weird and i hate to admit that i feel good from learning about someone else's misery-breakup.
there was a couple and the girl was beautiful beyond words i literally had to stop and stare at this girl just from her stunning beauty and the guy was pretty attractive too..but it was obvious that he adored her and i'm sure there are plenty of guys on my campus that would love to date her but they broke up!
part of the reason that i felt bad when my ex decided to leave was because it made me think i wasn't attractive enough for him..now if a guy leaves a beautiful girl like that then i don't feel as bad now..
kind of twisted i know..but i look for anything these days to make myself feel better...
|
|
|
Post by 10010101001111 on Feb 20, 2009 1:38:06 GMT -5
this is weird and i hate to admit that i feel good from learning about someone else's misery-breakup. there was a couple and the girl was beautiful beyond words i literally had to stop and stare at this girl just from her stunning beauty and the guy was pretty attractive too..but it was obvious that he adored her and i'm sure there are plenty of guys on my campus that would love to date her but they broke up! part of the reason that i felt bad when my ex decided to leave was because it made me think i wasn't attractive enough for him..now if a guy leaves a beautiful girl like that then i don't feel as bad now.. kind of twisted i know..but i look for anything these days to make myself feel better... Way to go! We're glad you're feeling better.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 20, 2009 3:59:09 GMT -5
beware of the following ramblings...
here's the thing, i feel better now and i at times i feel horrible when i find myself thinking about it but i feel stronger knowing that in the future no matter how i feel i won't look weak in front of others. I can feel anyway I want and he doesn't have to know. In a few months there's a chance that I might see him again in a work environment and yes I may feel like I want to cry but I'll have to keep busy and I can cry all I want when I get home. Showing him any emotion will only show my weakness.
Someone had told me once that I should play hard-to-get when dealing with guys and I never understood until now why a person would do such a thing. In the end I realize people always think the grass is greener on the other side and always want what they don't have. "You have to keep them interested" she advised me and I plainly thought she was being silly. I think I was just naive then and didn't face the fact how people work. They can't appreciate what's right in front of them.
Anyway, the other thing is that someone told me on this forum not to look over my shoulders at what happened in the past but perhaps what's waiting for me will be better for me. Someone I can have a true connection with. I don't think he and I connected at a very deep level anyway.
I hope that what's meant to be will be. I mean right now I think if the guy of my dreams were to sit right under my nose I wouldn't see him. There's always that fear that you put effort into a relationship and find yourself with feelings and what if they turn out to be an ass? 50% of marriages end in divorce in the US. What is there to look forward to? Even after you get married how can you to trust someone when people cheat on their spouses.
I am worried that once I graduate my family will pressure me to get married and I am wondering if I should move away from everyone and disappear so I never have to deal with that. Or should I just marry any guy they want me to marry and pop out kids so they can have their grandchildren and like 50% of the population just get divorced after awhile.
My aunt married someone to basically get her family off her back and it turned out that her husband was a complete jackass. "well-eductated, tall, dark, handsome..and ..jackasss".
sigh, and I think about what will make me happy in the future. I use to picture a humble life with a small family where both my husband and I would work hard to raise our kids and be good citizens. Just a normal life. I don't know if that picture is still possible these days or is it a thing of the past. It's like when I look at current marraiges and compare them to the past what I see these days is that people are not honest and it's like they are heartless and in-human.
It seems that many of the girls that are like early 30s-35 that I know in my acquaintance/friends that are single are some of the sweetest women you've ever met. Why in the world are these women single? They deserve to find love and be happy.
What is love anyway? I know i've been in love but if someone were to ask me to describe it I wouldn't know how. Actually, I think he did love me but I think love is such a complicated thing. You're not always good to those you love. I know I am often thoughtless towards the people that love me the most and that I love the most. It doesn't mean I don't love them.
Love is a dangerous thing when it's someone outside your family that you love. Well, I should speak for myself because there is such a thing as domestic violence. I feel safe to love my parents, siblings, because they would never hurt me. I would trust my life in their hands. They would put me before themselves as I would for them. There's security in that love there. In alot of the marriages I see in my parents generation I see that same type of secure love among spouses but these days among people my age and new marriages all I hear about is infidelity and divorce. Maybe it's no longer possible to safely love someone anymore (outside your immediate family).
|
|
|
Post by nelo on Feb 20, 2009 11:41:43 GMT -5
Love is a chemical in your brain. Its technically possible to emulate by eating large amounts of chocolate.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 20, 2009 18:21:49 GMT -5
Love is a chemical in your brain. Its technically possible to emulate by eating large amounts of chocolate. wow, if it was that simple i wouldn't be out thousands of dollars and be behind in school by a year and have cried so much in the past few years.. it's not just a "feeling" that you get. it is so complicated. it'll like change you and lose yourself..god that sounds so horrible..but it really is i guess in a way
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 20, 2009 22:06:10 GMT -5
it'll like change you and lose yourself.. i don't think it has to be that way, nor should it. i'd recommend doing some reading on healthy boundaries and co-dependence before even contemplating another relationship.
|
|
|
Post by nelo on Feb 21, 2009 3:38:29 GMT -5
I'm going to take a leap here and say you've got more than one problem.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 21, 2009 5:05:51 GMT -5
ha, you mean besides being shy? i feel like before i had one problem that was being shy now i don't really feel all that shy. i made a whole bunch of new friends and not just fake friends but now that im away from them..they try to contact me periodically just to tell me they miss me. ive never had this before. it feels really great.
but i think i have to work through alot of issues...not sure what you mean by healthy-boundaries and co-dependance. I wasn't dependant on him?
Losing yourself can be a bad thing for sure but changing isn't such a bad thing. I am sure not the same person I was a few years ago. I was naive and viewed life/love differently. I am not sure how I see things anymore but I know that now I am less trusting. I use to be pretty gullible I think.
I ignored warning signs, I ignored people/friends who blatantly warned me about various things because I never believed something like this could happen. I only believed it to happen on TV and movies but now I'll take the other people's advice seriously.
I'll think ahead about consequences now instead of jumping in with both feet. It has made me more cautious and that's not a bad thing..
|
|
|
Post by rukryM on Feb 21, 2009 6:09:59 GMT -5
But how could you make "a bunch" of new friends and at the same time be less trusting?
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 21, 2009 9:54:53 GMT -5
ive never had people email me want to call me tell me they miss me is what i mean. i see your point and when i think about it they are not close to me as my family is. in fact, one girl that i would call my close friend i wouldn't trust at all because she is juggling 2 different guys..she has a boyfriend but she is messing around with another..so from her actions i know she is dishonest and wouldn't trust her
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 21, 2009 11:17:51 GMT -5
in fact, one girl that i would call my close friend i wouldn't trust at all because she is juggling 2 different guys..she has a boyfriend but she is messing around with another..so from her actions i know she is dishonest and wouldn't trust her what do you mean by 'boyfriend' and 'messing around with'...i'm curious because some people don't think you're really committed to a relationship unless you quit talking or having anything whatsoever to do with members of the opposite sex at all. to me that's a form of pathological jealousy reminiscent of the muslim men who insist their wives must be covered from head to foot with a loose garment at all times or lose their heads. so unless you know she's screwing around on him in a committed relationship (has he made any committment to her?), what has she done to violate his trust? i agree with you that meeting someone significant in your life can begin a process of change. it can make you more focused and serious about your goals, for example. and sometimes we meet people who have a way of bringing out our best qualities. ideally i think we all want this. but i guess i got the impression you were talking about submerging your personality completely into the other persons' or something because of the way you worded your sentence...'losing yourself' seems to imply not knowing who you are anymore, which i wouldn't think would be a good thing.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Feb 21, 2009 11:39:51 GMT -5
in fact, one girl that i would call my close friend i wouldn't trust at all because she is juggling 2 different guys..she has a boyfriend but she is messing around with another..so from her actions i know she is dishonest and wouldn't trust her what do you mean by 'boyfriend' and 'messing around with'...i'm curious because some people don't think you're really committed to a relationship unless you quit talking or having anything whatsoever to do with members of the opposite sex at all. to me that's a form of pathological jealousy reminiscent of the muslim men who insist their wives must be covered from head to foot with a loose garment at all times or lose their heads. so unless you know she's screwing around on him in a committed relationship (has he made any committment to her?), what has she done to violate his trust? i agree with you that meeting someone significant in your life can begin a process of change. it can make you more focused and serious about your goals, for example. and sometimes we meet people who have a way of bringing out our best qualities. ideally i think we all want this. but i guess i got the impression you were talking about submerging your personality completely into the other persons' or something because of the way you worded your sentence...'losing yourself' seems to imply not knowing who you are anymore, which i wouldn't think would be a good thing. ok, haven't slept so this is going to be hard to respond but i have to... well she tells one guy that she broke up with her boyfriend when she hasn't. her boyfriend is at school in a different location. she tells me about what she's hiding from the other guy etc. so yes, they are in a relationship and whatever she is doing she is having to hide "pathological jealousy reminiscent of the muslim men who insist their wives must be covered from head to foot with a loose garment at all times or lose their heads. " ---where in the world did this comment come from? that is reminiscent of SOME men (muslim or not) but pathological jealousy is not reminiscent of the ALL muslim men and jealousy is not condoned by the relgion in anyway.... that's a very closed-minded statement and im shocked..
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 21, 2009 11:57:12 GMT -5
what do you mean by 'boyfriend' and 'messing around with'...i'm curious because some people don't think you're really committed to a relationship unless you quit talking or having anything whatsoever to do with members of the opposite sex at all. to me that's a form of pathological jealousy reminiscent of the muslim men who insist their wives must be covered from head to foot with a loose garment at all times or lose their heads. so unless you know she's screwing around on him in a committed relationship (has he made any committment to her?), what has she done to violate his trust? i agree with you that meeting someone significant in your life can begin a process of change. it can make you more focused and serious about your goals, for example. and sometimes we meet people who have a way of bringing out our best qualities. ideally i think we all want this. but i guess i got the impression you were talking about submerging your personality completely into the other persons' or something because of the way you worded your sentence...'losing yourself' seems to imply not knowing who you are anymore, which i wouldn't think would be a good thing. ok, haven't slept so this is going to be hard to respond but i have to... well she tells one guy that she broke up with her boyfriend when she hasn't. her boyfriend is at school in a different location. she tells me about what she's hiding from the other guy etc. so yes, they are in a relationship and whatever she is doing she is having to hide "pathological jealousy reminiscent of the muslim men who insist their wives must be covered from head to foot with a loose garment at all times or lose their heads. " ---where in the world did this comment come from? that is reminiscent of SOME men (muslim or not) but pathological jealousy is not reminiscent of the ALL muslim men and jealousy is not condoned by the relgion in anyway.... that's a very closed-minded statement and im shocked.. whoa, back up. i didn't say it represented ALL muslim men. i was talking about those specific muslim men. if they're not ashamed to live the way they do, i don't see why it should be shocking to refer to the way they choose to live. if your friend is pretending to be in a relationship with the guy while pursuing relationships with other guys, then yes - she is being dishonest. the reason i asked about this is that people who believe two individuals are meant to become merged in a relationship often interpret harmless behavior as 'cheating'. i was curious how you would define 'messing around', because i recently met someone who thinks if a woman he's interested in even talks to another man at all (perfectly innocent conversation), then she can't be trusted. these types of expectations are on a wide spectrum of behavior, which at its extreme includes things like beheading for appearing in public uncovered. to my way of thinking, two individuals in a relationship are still two individuals and they should each have certain boundaries. for example, i don't like it when a guy tries to tell me how to think. he can try to persuade me if he wishes (as long as he does it respectfully), but it's my brain, heart and soul and i'll make the final decisions about what i think. i'm perfectly capable of thinking for myself.
|
|