shy!

[hobosu]

I'm so sick of being shy its ruining my life, it completely controls everything I do, and looking back and thinking about how I acted and how people must view me I feel so stupid and embarrassed.

I hate meeting new people
I feel why would they want to know me?
I have nothing to say
I cant think of things to talk about
When i do talk, i feel as if im boring people
My conversations dont really last that long
I blush easily
It's made me into a paranoid wreck, thinking that friends are against me n hate me. It's annoying when people expect you to be shy and giggle when you meet new people.

The main thing that's making me shy is blushing, if i didnt blush i could probably get out of this mess.

People think im rude,
i dont like them because i dont speak to them or cant hold a conversation
i make people feel uneasy
people think i fancy them if i dont speak around them because im quite

I feel like the more i analyze my self i can truly see how others perceive me, think of me etc...

My friends say things like, your too shy, speak more, smile more, etc... IF i fucking COULD I WOULD !!!!!

I feel how could any girl fancy me, i blush, im shy, i dont feel like a man, when im speaking to people i feel as if im forcing my self to speak, and that they really dont want to listen and they arent interested.

i could write stuff for days but i feel as if im going on and on!

anyone feel similar?
im 22 male!

[Sweet Pea]

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

I'm so sick of being shy its ruining my life, it completely controls everything I do, and looking back and thinking about how I acted and how people must view me I feel so stupid and embarrassed.

I hate meeting new people
I feel why would they want to know me?
I have nothing to say
I cant think of things to talk about
When i do talk, i feel as if im boring people
My conversations dont really last that long
I blush easily
It's made me into a paranoid wreck, thinking that friends are against me n hate me. It's annoying when people expect you to be shy and giggle when you meet new people.

The main thing that's making me shy is blushing, if i didnt blush i could probably get out of this mess.

People think im rude,
i dont like them because i dont speak to them or cant hold a conversation
i make people feel uneasy
people think i fancy them if i dont speak around them because im quite

I feel like the more i analyze my self i can truly see how others perceive me, think of me etc...

My friends say things like, your too shy, speak more, smile more, etc... IF i fucking COULD I WOULD !!!!!

I feel how could any girl fancy me, i blush, im shy, i dont feel like a man, when im speaking to people i feel as if im forcing my self to speak, and that they really dont want to listen and they arent interested.

i could write stuff for days but i feel as if im going on and on!

anyone feel similar?
im 22 male!

hi, and welcome to SU.

i've definitely known the feelings you talk about in my life. i've often blushed instead of saying what i want to say, remained quiet when i wanted to talk - especially when meeting new people. even if i have had something i wanted to say, sometimes i haven't been able to force myself to say it.

i've not only felt boring, i've been told i'm boring - mainly because i don't like to party it up much. i enjoy dancing (depending on the music) but i'm not into getting drunk or high or dressing in skanky clothes. other women often dislike me because i don't like to gossip about people (some men too). i'm not interested in the things alot of people are, like professional sports or television shows. the biggest problem is, these interests so many people have bore or repel me...can't help it.

i understand the thing you describe about people thinking you fancy them just because you're quiet around them. i've had men think i fancied them when actually i was quieter than usual around them because i found them off-putting. being shy makes it harder for people to discern your true feelings. it's difficult.

i think it's best if you're in that situation to just make it clear to the person you're not interested in anything like that. otherwise the situation only gets worse. yeah, i've been on both sides of that one, and it's not gonna be pleasant for either of you, but it's just something you have to do. i just try to take it as a compliment when someone is interested in me, and not get in a twist about it.

on the other hand if you DO like someone, it's even more important to make an extra effort to make that clear somehow. otherwise your shyness may make them feel you aren't really interested. this is something i've always had to grapple with.

i'm sure you do have things to say, but perhaps are just inhibited because you think people won't be interested. and sometimes you'll be right. but just because you have different interests than some other people, that doesn't mean you're less interesting. it just means you may have to look harder and longer to find people with similar interests. good people are hard to find in my experience, so you may be underestimating yourself quite a bit.

[rukryM]

Yes, I know quite well how you feel. What I find extremely annoying is when people nag on me about being too quiet and tell me to talk more, though I don't know what to say.

One thing that may help on your way to get a girl is to relax more, don't stress and try to accept the nature of your mind; the person you are. You can change, but not into another person. Try to think of yourself as unique, special, one of a kind and be satisfied with yourself {not to an arrogant level. And yes, it's very difficult, indeed}. The stronger you become the more attractive you'll be to a girl.

[shynesssucks]

welcome!

it's funny that sweetpea and ruky have felt that they would come off boring/or have been told so ..just by reading their comments i find that they're just opposite of boring have alot of interesting opionions and alot to say.. same goes for alot of other posters on this board...

[strawberrysweetie]

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

anyone feel similar?

Oh definitely. I relate to most everything you said. I often feel I don't have much to say and struggle with trying to keep conversations going. And if they don't keep going, I usually put the blame on myself...as though it's up to me to constantly entertain the other person(s) and since I can't I sort of beat myself up for it.

But, overall, I do have a very low self-esteem and I think this alone affects me greatly....especially in thinking constantly that I'm a boring person with nothing to offer or there's no way someone could like me long-term, and so on.

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

It's annoying when people expect you to be shy and giggle when you meet new people.

I had to isolate this statement because it hit me hard nearly two years ago. And even affects me to a certain extent today.

I had this one friend who, near the end of that year, started making some comments about how shy/scared I seemed when he first met me. I was kind of taken aback, because by the end of the year I felt that I had made some signifcant progress...because through gaining some friends, I felt I had a bit more self-confidence and liked myself more. But then when he started mentioning stuff about how shy I seemed...and even when he just said I don't open up enough...I began to get more self-conscious again...like oh, there's no way in my hiding this shyness from anyone. I guess I was kind of surprised it was so obvious.

So anyway...back to that statement. I volunteered (well, kind of felt forced into volunteering) to be a 'buddy' for people who were coming to check out the college. My 'buddy' ended up being this guy...and we had to eat dinner together at the cafeteria and just talk about things. Yeah, it was a nightmare. But the worst part of it was when this guy friend of mine came up to me and started going on about how great it was to see me actually interacting/talking with someone new. I felt so embarrassed.

So anyway...you are definitely not alone.


And of course, welcome to the forum.

[trustme]

I feel the same as you feel about everything you wrote except the blushing, I've never had problems with that.

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

I cant think of things to talk about

My conversations dont really last that long

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be this.. I want to be a better conversationalist. Rather than enjoying a conversation or being interested in a conversation like a normal person, I find that whenever I'm in a conversation, I'm just thinking about what I can say next, which just makes the whole situation way more stressful than it has to be. I think it gets better with practice, but the problem is that since I'm shy I don't get very much practice.

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

People think im rude

I feel like the more i analyze my self i can truly see how others perceive me, think of me etc...

I have wondered this for a while now.. whether or not normal people see shyness as being rude. I would think that at least most of the time they don't. I know when I see shyness I never see it as rude.

Feb 22, 2009 7:30:42 GMT -5 hobosu said:

My friends say things like, your too shy, speak more, smile more, etc... IF i fucking COULD I WOULD !!!!!

People who don't know me well say these kinds of things, but my couple of close friends never do, which is good. When this happens, I tend to just tell them the truth, that I'm shy, or make fun of myself for being too quiet. I don't know what the right response is.

[garg]

Yep, I feel alot of the same things. Usually uninteresting or short conversations. When I'm with people (or even just 1 person) I plan out the starting part of the conversation and the next couple parts that will follow it, but that usually doesn't go too well.

At my old job, when I had to help a customer that was a girl, even if it was just them wanting to buy a candy bar...I would always blush and sound nervous in my voice. If she was really attractive it would be even worse.

[nelo]

I try not to plan out conversation because I tend to ask random questions that pop up in my mind.

[nayy]

I also hate it when people say 'Stop being shy'. It's so hard...something in my head just stops me from talking. I hate it!
/;

[rukryM]

That's almost as effective as telling a smoker to just "quit smoking". It doesn't happen overnight^^.