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Post by strawberrysweetie on Oct 7, 2009 15:07:52 GMT -5
. . . And now I have another job...eeep! Congrats on the new job!! ;D
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Post by Rose on Oct 7, 2009 22:40:46 GMT -5
Thanks Strawberry ;D
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Post by timarends on Oct 8, 2009 15:09:58 GMT -5
I mean, come on! I can't figure out why they'd say this unless they thought I was retarded. I made good marks in school. So I'm guessing the reason is (1) either they were jealous of my school grades; (2) they were just teasing kids; (3) they heard their parents talk about "the kid down the street who'd spent 3 years in an institution" Were you shy and quiet as a kid? Unfortunately, this seems to make many people think someone is slow or unintelligent.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Oct 15, 2009 3:28:13 GMT -5
...that I'm going to have to "hit rock bottom" before I can make any real changes, and that I haven't hit it yet.
And if that's the case, I'm further afraid of what hitting rock bottom might mean for me.
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Post by collegeshy on Oct 24, 2009 19:40:27 GMT -5
I mean, come on! I can't figure out why they'd say this unless they thought I was retarded. I made good marks in school. So I'm guessing the reason is (1) either they were jealous of my school grades; (2) they were just teasing kids; (3) they heard their parents talk about "the kid down the street who'd spent 3 years in an institution" Were you shy and quiet as a kid? Unfortunately, this seems to make many people think someone is slow or unintelligent. Yeah, being shy makes people think a lot of things. Like you guys said 1)retarded 2)unintelligent. I also get the impression that people think I am 1) arrogant 2) mean 3)depressed. The third one does apply occasionally, but the other two aren't true. About the mean assumption, I often don't talk to people because in my mind I feel like I am going to bother them/annoy them. Like if I say something wrong or something. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Oct 25, 2009 4:29:01 GMT -5
About the mean assumption, I often don't talk to people because in my mind I feel like I am going to bother them/annoy them. Like if I say something wrong or something. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I ALWAYS feel like a bother to people. Even online. Even on this forum. It's more just this strong inner belief that I just don't matter, or am not worth anyone's time. As a result, I hardly ever initiate anything. It's much easier online. But offline?...forget about it. I let my fears control me. ---------------- I'm worried about...............how I treat myself. How it's as though I don't even care about myself. How, I realize all the faulty perceptions I have and yet...I still can't get past them. I'm scared that I'll never change.
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Post by collegeshy on Oct 25, 2009 13:32:51 GMT -5
I'm worried about...............how I treat myself. How it's as though I don't even care about myself. How, I realize all the faulty perceptions I have and yet...I still can't get past them. I'm scared that I'll never change. I have that worry too. And every year I say to myself, "Okay, this year, this semester, or whatever, I am going to change. I'm going to be more outgoing. And nothing changes. But I think things do change about people, whether good or bad. I know that I became more introverted in middle school when everyone else started changing. I think change can come naturally (good change, not just bad change), but it can also come as a result of your efforts to change. Like, sophomore year of high school, I had a fixation on a certain thing - an obsession. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I ended up going to see someone about it. And after a few months, it slowly went away. So I think if you work at something (and have a little help to do it), things can change. Bigger things will take longer, but they can change.
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gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on Oct 30, 2009 6:57:37 GMT -5
I'm randomly worried that this "up" i'm on won't last. *deep breaths*
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Post by audio on Oct 30, 2009 14:55:14 GMT -5
I mean, come on! I can't figure out why they'd say this unless they thought I was retarded. I made good marks in school. So I'm guessing the reason is (1) either they were jealous of my school grades; (2) they were just teasing kids; (3) they heard their parents talk about "the kid down the street who'd spent 3 years in an institution" Were you shy and quiet as a kid? Unfortunately, this seems to make many people think someone is slow or unintelligent. not any more than the other kids. I actually believe I was quite outgoing -I used to engage the other kids to play games - jump rope; tag, etc. but yes, I understand what you mean.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Nov 1, 2009 4:49:23 GMT -5
omg...I think I'm starting to realize that I am scared of way more things than I thought...I don't even want to say what they are right now, but I'm feeling anxious right now just thinking about them. I'm feeling like such a freak.
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Post by Rose on Nov 1, 2009 7:42:01 GMT -5
omg...I think I'm starting to realize that I am scared of way more things than I thought...I don't even want to say what they are right now, but I'm feeling anxious right now just thinking about them. I'm feeling like such a freak. *hugs* I'm worried I avoid thinking about my complicated problems too much and one day they're all gonna hit me like a bus and I won't know what the heck I'm going to do.
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Post by urbanspaceman on Nov 2, 2009 9:34:56 GMT -5
....that this ache in my stomach isn't going to go away. It just feels so tied up in knots. So worried about what I'm going to say, and being pretty certain of what the outcome is going to be....
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Post by audio on Nov 6, 2009 14:42:00 GMT -5
^ i can relate . ... - anticipatory anxiety about so many things because I'm such a bloody perfectionist. ...and obsessed about wondering why i seem to turn off so many people either in virtuality or irl: try and try as i may; try to "change my approach"; and still nothing. i could use a hug too. i have to practically pull teeth metaphporically to get anybody to acknowedge/communicate to me. i just don't think i can cope with the loneliness. song # (I forget #) written age 15 a self fulfilling prophecy (but back then i didn't feel as lonely as i do NOW!): my loneliness is here to stay; it's here to stay; etc. i am the lonely one....i watch the day go by until it ends.
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Post by audio on Nov 6, 2009 15:05:17 GMT -5
About the mean assumption, I often don't talk to people because in my mind I feel like I am going to bother them/annoy them. Like if I say something wrong or something. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I ALWAYS feel like a bother to people. Even online. Even on this forum. It's more just this strong inner belief that I just don't matter, or am not worth anyone's time. As a result, I hardly ever initiate anything. It's much easier online. But offline?...forget about it. I let my fears control me. ---------------- I'm worried about...............how I treat myself. How it's as though I don't even care about myself. How, I realize all the faulty perceptions I have and yet...I still can't get past them. I'm scared that I'll never change. i feel like this alll the time. i definitely feel like i'm not worth anyone's time (notice i'm not using capitals!) a lot of the time i feel i'd be better off dead - sorry if nobody wants to read this, but it's how i feel. i've got no one in my life and i don't mean romance, but anybody period. it wouldn't hurt that aunt of mine to take time for me. now that she's retired. i don't understand why im such a turn-off to her. i know if i write her and say im coming over, she'll probably drop another letter off just to tell me not to come. it is so (scuse mylanguage) >:(FRIGGIN frustrating. i mean i'm her dead sister's offspring, and she treates me like im some sort of stranger!!!! makes me so mad; but mostly it makes me feel unwanted and unloved. im pretty sure i :'(don't matter - not to anyone; and mattering less and less to myself as time goes on. to quote Pink Floyd's [David Gilmour] song from The Division Bell to all who ignore or marginalize or just have no use for me "What do [you]want from me?!"
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Nov 7, 2009 2:43:02 GMT -5
... - anticipatory anxiety about so many things because I'm such a bloody perfectionist. ...and obsessed about wondering why i seem to turn off so many people either in virtuality or irl: try and try as i may; try to "change my approach"; and still nothing. i could use a hug too. i have to practically pull teeth metaphporically to get anybody to acknowedge/communicate to me. i just don't think i can cope with the loneliness. song # (I forget #) written age 15 a self fulfilling prophecy (but back then i didn't feel as lonely as i do NOW!): my loneliness is here to stay; it's here to stay; etc. i am the lonely one....i watch the day go by until it ends. I ALWAYS feel like a bother to people. Even online. Even on this forum. It's more just this strong inner belief that I just don't matter, or am not worth anyone's time. As a result, I hardly ever initiate anything. It's much easier online. But offline?...forget about it. I let my fears control me. ---------------- I'm worried about...............how I treat myself. How it's as though I don't even care about myself. How, I realize all the faulty perceptions I have and yet...I still can't get past them. I'm scared that I'll never change. i feel like this alll the time. i definitely feel like i'm not worth anyone's time (notice i'm not using capitals!) a lot of the time i feel i'd be better off dead - sorry if nobody wants to read this, but it's how i feel. i've got no one in my life and i don't mean romance, but anybody period. it wouldn't hurt that aunt of mine to take time for me. now that she's retired. i don't understand why im such a turn-off to her. i know if i write her and say im coming over, she'll probably drop another letter off just to tell me not to come. it is so (scuse mylanguage) >:(FRIGGIN frustrating. i mean i'm her dead sister's offspring, and she treates me like im some sort of stranger!!!! makes me so mad; but mostly it makes me feel unwanted and unloved. im pretty sure i :'(don't matter - not to anyone; and mattering less and less to myself as time goes on. to quote Pink Floyd's [David Gilmour] song from The Division Bell to all who ignore or marginalize or just have no use for me "What do [you]want from me?!" You matter to us, audio! (((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))
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