Ugh! Why do people think being shy is bad?!

[nicole555]

I'm a senior in high school. The other day I was in english class and my teacher was reading a short story to the class. (by the way- I had this teacher last year and so I asked him to write me a reccomendation letter for college) So I was in class sitting there quietly and he says "OK now someone else is going to come up to the front of the class and read the rest of the story. Let's see... who am I going to pick? Who's the quietest person in the class?" Then everyone in the class yelled my name. And so as I was walking to the front of the room my teacher said "But don't worry, I wrote really nice things about you in your reccomendation letter. "

That got me mad because not only did he say all that in front of the class but he also made it sound like being shy was a bad part of my personality.

Anyone else have something like this happen? And do you agree that it was rude to say that?

[Procster]

That does seem rather nasty of him! But he probably just doesn't understand and thinks he's helping, getting you to speak.. Most people don't, do they.

And as for shyness being bad, well, it IS isn't it?? Its certainly what i like least about myself.

[gaia]

I do think your teacher was a bit tactless there, yeah. But it's a bugger because shyness is seen as negative by most.

I think the main issue with shyness is that it holds you back and stops you from doing what the average person does, it makes you different, which is what other people don't like.
If you're a bit quiet and introverted but still make the effort (in my experience) people just seem to think you're a bit laid back.

[arizona]

Shyness is bad. Have you ever heard anyone say they are happy they are shy?

[audio]

actually, Arizona (sorry if I'm butting in), there's someone who has the screenname "Shyiscool" or something like that. Maybe check out some of his posts: I infer by having read some of them myself that he is comfortable being an introvert.

Now, I myself, don't like being shy. But there are certain advantages to being introverted, lol. You can sit in your room and read (or use the computer/play video games, etc.), watch tv (me), etc. I am being somewhat facetious here, btw.

I agree with Anna (Gaia) though, shyness is seen as a negative in society. In the context of some churches it is also seen that way, I think. Certainly in the one I had attended. Get your mind off yourself, they'd say. Well, easier to say, but hard (for some of us) to do. Don't mind me, rantaholic here.

Nicole, I don't think it was right for the teacher to be so blatant in signaling you out like that. He could have called on you, yes, but not with all the preamble. Sorry to hear of your experience. Take care .

[arizona]

I think there is a bit of difference between being shy and being introverted. Many people are both, but there are many introverts who are not shy--they actually happen to LIKE being alone. That's a bit different than being shy.

[madiocre]

typical highschool teacher with no idea about social development.(lol sorry i'm just bitter about high school teachers because i 'm studying early childhood). I also had an english teacher who used to pick on me aboput my shyness adn suggested i see a councillor even though i think i participated in class discussion the same as anyone else if not more just so happened that when we were working i would work or daydream rather then talk to my peers like veryonelse did. Mind you she would tell them to stop talking.

yeah there is a difference between social anxiety, and introversion, and shyness and snobbering . i think for the average lout who dosnt know about these things its difficult to tell. Thus can be frustrating because i personally find it pretty easy to distinguish

[timarends]

There are different ways of being "quiet". You can be quiet in the sense of being shy, or you can be quiet in the sense of not Participating very much in class discussions. Maybe your teacher was talking about this second sense of being quiet.

I think he was just teasing you a little. It was at least nice of him to help out with your recommendation letter.

I do agree though that shyness or quietness is definitely seen as a negative in our society. Being able to talk well is seen as a valuable skill, and those who don't have it are seen as lacking an important skill, or in other words, being somewhat incompetent in an important area of life. Unfortunate, but that seems to be the way it is.

[bleaknunhappy]

I agree, I think his statement was uncalled for. The way I see it, the majority of outgoing people are unintelligent while the majority of shy people are intelligent. They see that because you are not gregariously obnoxious and flamboyant like them that you must have some kind of weakness. Usually I was pretty good at coming up with a flashy comeback which put people in their place but for the most part, the majority of outgoing people think shy people are at a disadvantage in life.

[YouNeedLove]

Dec 31, 2009 14:16:07 GMT -5 bleaknunhappy said:

The way I see it, the majority of outgoing people are unintelligent while the majority of shy people are intelligent.

thats an unjustified and dangerous way of thinking.

[mousemarie]

Yes it was rude of him to say that. Especially in front of the whole class. I have had people say rude things about me being shy in front of others. It makes me want to slap them! Of course you can't do that. Or they just state the obvious like " Wow you are really quiet!" I think that just make them sound dumb.
I don't think being shy is all that bad. Although most do view it as negative and a lot of people mistake it for someone being a snob.
I see plenty of outgoing people say the dumbest things sometimes. Or things that don't need to be said they just say it to hear themselves talk. In a way I am glad I am not like that. When I say something at least I know it has some thought behind it.

[dave76]

I have had to put up with all kinds of comments. They think they are being cute but really are being rude. If they think it's going to make me open up and talk, it usually does the opposite. I also have had people judge that because I am quite that I must be stupid or extremely lazy. It burns me up inside.

[rockwife22]

Totally my opinion...

Most people would say being shy is a very bad thing. It sucks. It's hard to become friends. It's hard to develop relationships. I don't like it...then again I do.

Do not forget: When you finally click with someone and you are shy (if they aren't the type to use you) you will be even better friends usually. You hang on tighter, you try to be there for them whenever they can. I don't have great friends now, but in college I had two friends and we were the three musketeers.

My husband also. If you aren't shy you can go out and have lots of fun finding different relationships, then realize you missed the boat. You understand how important relationships and friendships are more than the non-shy person (who can go out and make new friends in a day) so you tend to take care of them.

I hate being shy, but I can't say I completely hate it. I would not be the same person here today if I was not.

I also had a teacher like that when I was growing up. They aren't trying to be mean, it's just a preconceived notion that the more people you mingle with, the better you become. That isn't true. Starting slowly and building up, the better you become.

[anabella]

How rude of him, but something keeps telling me he didn't mean to be rude. I think he thought he was helping.

But anyways, i see most saying shy is a bad thing. It can be. But it also can't. It depends on what level you let your shyness affect your life.

I see many guys out there...and on this forum that are terrified of being shy because they can't find a girl. The reality of that is that most girls, including myself, love shy boys. It's not that you're shy... it's just that you don't let that shyness show your feelings and who you really are.

[Deleted]

I don't recall anything like that happening to me in high school.

But it used to happen all the time when I was working in a factory. After a few years of working with the same people they all got to know me and were often too comfortable giving me shit, but I truly believe it was all in fun.

I think your teacher and the other students in class were having fun with you. They don't realize how hard such things are for shy people, they really don't have any clue.

In my experience it happens in every job I have too.

Hell my second day as a glazier I was invited to go four bying (I don't know how to spell it) in my truck with some guys. I replied I didn't have any money for the gas, I was told he didn't want to go far, just to brokeback mountain. The dude was straight but that's just the sense of humor those guys had, man I'm glad I aint a glazier no more.

Keep in mind that western culture values extroversion very highly. There are other cultures in the world which value introversion, we were all unfortunate enough to be born into a culture which doesn't value our personalities.