The life of a loner

[bleaknunhappy]

I'm not one to rant about my life but I was always the quiet kid growing up. I have always wonder how social people become accustomed to being outgoing and easily making friends. During middle school and high school I always had my share of friends, but I rarely hung out with any of them after school. Now I am in university and I have begun to realize just how serious my shyness has inhibited my social life. One part of me enjoys being alone but there are times when I will be looking through facebook profiles of old friends from high school, some whom I haven't spoken to in years, and I will see them in relationships and living healthy active social lives, in some way I envy them. I do not consider myself unfriendly, I just wish there was a magic pill, but sadly life isn't so easy.

[Tal]

I know what you mean. Sometimes it seems the only solution would be a magic pill.

[tylo]

It gets even harder after you get out of school. Being over 40 and still alone my only solution is an android.

[bleaknunhappy]

Being in university now, I have friends, but I don't see them as lifelong friends but rather temporary acquaintances or single serving friends. I know it seems miserable to think like that but I know that not one of the people I hang with now will have any interest in seeing me in the future. In one way it is my fault, for not being interesting and fun enough to compel anyone to want to be around me.

As it stands right now, I am home from university, on Christmas break and I feel just miserable. My home is currently being renovated because my mom believes she is an interior decorator (my home has been "under renovation" for the past 6 years) I can't even sit in my living room and relax, my room is really the only habitable place in the house. It just plays a horrible effect on the mind.

I deeply wish I could attract a group of friends that I could hang around with and shoot the shit. It just becomes so hard when you've been that kid sitting at the back of the class your whole life. There really is no one to blame but myself but negative experiences in the past make me lethargic to want to put forth an effort to make friends. I really am starting to feel deeply depressed over this, but I refuse to let it ruin what enjoyable aspects of my life remain...

[gaia]

I can relate to this. I find it's particularly tough when you want to change, but don't know where to start.
As you said in your original post, when you don't consider yourself unfriendly and you want to have a more active social life, it's pretty depressing. You do sound like you have a lot of insight into your situation/how your mind works though.. you know it's past negative experiences that have had a profound effect on your confidence, you know that's what's holding you back.
When the time is right, i'm sure you'll get a "shift in energy" and you'll push hard for things to change... and they will change - but as I said, the time has to be right.
Oh and having nowhere to go and relax in your house can be seriouly frustrating. Don't underestimate how much that could be getting you down too!

[adriana]

Ah yeah I know what you mean. I'm still in high school and I do feel a little jealous toward the people who have flocks of friends, and get to have good times with them. I just want some friends I can talk openly with. I did have a couple people who I talked to, but I barely said anything and couldn't really be myself with them.

[outgoingbutshy]

Dec 29, 2009 11:15:32 GMT -5 tylo said:

It gets even harder after you get out of school. Being over 40 and still alone my only solution is an android.

i know how you feel buddy--sorry , but the "android" comment kind of struck me "funny" (please forgive me ) but yes, I can relate as a fellow "over 40" person also. Try not to let it bother you too much, I know how depressing being alone over 40 is, believe me.

[outgoingbutshy]

Feb 24, 2010 12:16:10 GMT -5 adriana said:

Ah yeah I know what you mean. I'm still in high school and I do feel a little jealous toward the people who have flocks of friends, and get to have good times with them. I just want some friends I can talk openly with. I did have a couple people who I talked to, but I barely said anything and couldn't really be myself with them.

you just described my teenage/h s years, adriana. I had two friends; one of which used to invite me to eat with her all the time which was a relief to me cuz i hated going into that cafeteria and eating alone among all those other kids; and feeling like I stuck out like a sore thumb; secondly, I had a "slacker" friend named Velda, who kind of "took to me" though I was more like a "geek"; and we used to call each other all the time and listen to music and sing over the phone; but I was shy talking to her; so I mostly just "hung on" at the other end of the phone til she got tired of being on; and had to go somewhere lol. I was even too shy to say I gotta go; because if I did she'd kind of argue with me to get me to stay on the line . but I was grateful in my heart that she wanted to talk to an unpopular one like myself; seeing as she hung around with all the slackers/troublemakers and seemed to have no trouble making friends like I did.