I've got friends, but can't reach them anymore.

[rockwife22]

Deary Diary:
When it comes to shyness, I have taken the cake since elementary school. In fifth grade I gained my first friend, but all she was was someone who wanted me to do everything she said. She never even invited me over or sat next to me on the bus, I was just the 'best friend' when she needed something.
Middle school I had no friends, high school I had one (also shy). College I finally made a friend when I worked in the cafeteria and met her two friends through her. One of them was extremely extroverted. (I miss her the most.) I was doing the best in life when they were around.
I met my husband, my first kiss AND my first boyfriend in 2004. (Yes, all the same) I was 23-24. We clicked in a way I never clicked with anyone, and by the third day we already knew we'd marry each other. Six months later we' we're married and still happily married with a 19 month old girl.
I'd been on and off Zoloft and Paxil. I refuse to take anymore since my daughter was born with a heart murmur even two years after I stopped them. I have found the best way to deal with my shyness problems was to create situations in which to meet people instead of relying on meds.
I thought I had it made when I joined a great church and mom group. We met every Thursday, and at least five moms showed up! Made two I could almost call friends, but then the person in charge left the church and I drifted away. (Once I lose contact with that outside world too long, I get bad.)

My husband is doing the best he can to help out. My closest almost friend lives only two blocks away, yet I just can't bring myself to go over there without some kind of excuse like playdate again. She even invited us over almost a year ago for supper, and even though I went, I still couldn't get that spark I needed.

She desperately wants more friends (met her online) and I can't do it. Everytime I try, I come up with an excuse. Like 'she's pregnant and probably tired' or my newest one 'her baby's only a month old, she must be tired still. I was.' My most used thought though is 'She's got four kids fulltime everyday, when would she have time to talk?'

I have another 'almost friend' too and she lives on the other side of town. Same situation, but my husband is friends with her husband, which makes it a tiny bit easier.

Anyone been diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder and refuse pills? I tell you it is not easy, but if I can pull myself back up again, I will be okay. I've gone up and down before, but I'll get up again.

Then I need to keep a steady interaction. Oh boy! Easier said than done.

Maybe I'll start a church playgroup here. Ha, I've said that for a year. I'll never have the courage to do it.

[SHY: Should He Yell]

It seems your on the right track.

Well looks like I'm about the same age as you. Although not married or kids. Which I wish I at least had someone don't have to be married yet but that's me.

Anyway especially when you get married its hard to have friends. A lot of them or married like you and have commitments. of course your best friend should be your husband then other people. But as you get older its harder to keep friends even if your single. Cause most people have other stuff and their lives. I don't say this to be negative and a downer but to put it in perspective and reality. Obviously there are exceptions.

As you know, relationships whatever they may be are very hard. Especially as you get older, its a commitment on both ends. Now how far that's the question. Its just work to keep in touch. Even if you do your part sometimes the other person is at a different part in life or the relationship and that could be good or bad for you.

I wish you the best of luck!!