really frustrated...

[ashleyd]

I'm so frustrated with being seen as stuck up ... or awkward... or any other label people give me because I'm shy. I really don't want to make it hard for people to talk to me, but I get so afraid sometimes, and snooty remarks and/or ignoring me just makes me feel that much worse about being shy. I don't know why it's so hard for me to talk to people... I guess half the time I'm worried that I'm being judged, or that I'm boring. What doesn't help either is that I'll be talking to someone new and completely blank.
Does anyone else find small talk extremely difficult sometimes? I just, I dunno. Some people I can just open up to easily, while others, for some reason, I get terrified of. I've been working all summer and met some new people, but I feel third wheeled (by the two girls when it's just us three) or left out because I am too afraid to participate in a conversation. There's this one guy we hang out with... for some reason I,ve always felt nervous around him... but like he's a pretty nice guy and a funny one, but for whatever reason we just never really connected. I feel bad because I know he doesn't really like me in general, and I feel like it's because I'm so shy and a lot of people don't get that we're not actually snotty, just nervous.
I just feel like making friends is really hard, no matter how much I try or how positive an attitude I try to maintain. I wish I didn't need so much time to warm up to people ...
Shy and Awkward have become my two least favourite words having heard them constantly together. I hate how being shy is seen as such a bad thing for a lot of people. I feel like people prefer outgoing people and find them more interesting.

[strawberrysweetie]

Aug 24, 2010 19:32:31 GMT -5 ashleyd said:

Does anyone else find small talk extremely difficult sometimes?

Yes, definitely. I don't even have to be afraid necessarily....I just often don't know what to say/have nothing to say. Because aside from shyness, I'm just naturally reserved and introverted anyway. It really sucks.

Aug 24, 2010 19:32:31 GMT -5 ashleyd said:

I just feel like making friends is really hard, no matter how much I try or how positive an attitude I try to maintain. I wish I didn't need so much time to warm up to people ...
Shy and Awkward have become my two least favourite words having heard them constantly together. I hate how being shy is seen as such a bad thing for a lot of people. I feel like people prefer outgoing people and find them more interesting.

yeah, I definitely know what you mean. I've never been good at making friends, not even when I was younger. (though I suppose in a way, one could say I don't even necessarily try at it )

But yeah...I think the worst of it is just feeling too boring for others. And it doesn't help that, for me at least, I feel that's pretty much been confirmed by everyone I've been friends with anyway.

So I don't know what to say for advice really. I'm sorry. But you certainly aren't alone in how you feel.

[timarends]

Aug 24, 2010 19:32:31 GMT -5 ashleyd said:

I feel like people prefer outgoing people and find them more interesting.

I think that's it in a nutshell. People think outgoing people are just more interesting. I hate to say it but it's true.

It's true, like you say, that shy people are sometimes seen as snooty and standoffish. That's part of it too. But sometimes I think outgoing people recognize that a shy person is not snobbish, but they just don't see them as being very interesting. It really sucks. And sometimes you don't know which it is.

You say to yourself, "oh man, people think I'm snobbish, so I will try very very hard to make conversation with people." And then you actually succeed in making conversation with people, and you still feel like there is that glass wall between the two of you.

So you say to yourself "do they still think I'm snobbish? Or do they know I'm not snobbish now but just don't find me very interesting?"

On the plus side, it sounds like you are able at least to get on well with some people.