Post by emptybutstrong on Oct 22, 2010 17:40:54 GMT -5
Dear Diary:
I have really been concentrating on selling my book for this last year. It engulfed me and my SAD kept getting in the way. Day in and day out, I felt a little less worth.
About four weeks ago, I fell down again. You know, that messed up injured leg I hadn't seen the doctor about two years ago? Yeah, the one that gives out whenever. I fell down hard this time and bruised my ankle and hurt my calf. Worse yet, my knee looks different from the other.
After three days even Tylenol didn't help. After time, the pain started to fade and now the cane is helping. I've built up the strength to tell my husband that somehow I have to see a doctor. I've looked around online, my husband's looked around and things might not be too good for me.
Oh Diary, I have no insurance and I have to keep up with my Toddler all day. I am getting too good with a cane that someone my age should, and we're waiting on Medicaid to see if I qualify.
Losing the use of your legs...facing surgery you know you couldn't afford...it's put a lot into perspective.
I may be shy, but I'm not dead. I may be using a cane, but at least I can walk. I may be at a dead end right now, but one day the light will come.
Diary...why did I care so much for something so little? Screw not having the courage to get published, I can walk again. Kind of.
Since then, I've been taking my second MS and actually sending it out. I'll deal with the consequences afterward if I'm selected. Screw 'what if's'
All life is about is living it. And living it without pain or being able to walk is more important than my trivial little problem.
I've even got Abby almost enrolled in Mother's Day Out, a day for her to get out and meet others. She even has a playdate next week.
These are things that aren't easy to do, but they're easier than walking without a cane right now.
I don't deserve to badger myself for having SAD. I can walk. I'm not in pain anymore. These are things I am thankful for.
I just wish I didn't have to hurt myself so bad to see the truth in front of me.
I have really been concentrating on selling my book for this last year. It engulfed me and my SAD kept getting in the way. Day in and day out, I felt a little less worth.
About four weeks ago, I fell down again. You know, that messed up injured leg I hadn't seen the doctor about two years ago? Yeah, the one that gives out whenever. I fell down hard this time and bruised my ankle and hurt my calf. Worse yet, my knee looks different from the other.
After three days even Tylenol didn't help. After time, the pain started to fade and now the cane is helping. I've built up the strength to tell my husband that somehow I have to see a doctor. I've looked around online, my husband's looked around and things might not be too good for me.
Oh Diary, I have no insurance and I have to keep up with my Toddler all day. I am getting too good with a cane that someone my age should, and we're waiting on Medicaid to see if I qualify.
Losing the use of your legs...facing surgery you know you couldn't afford...it's put a lot into perspective.
I may be shy, but I'm not dead. I may be using a cane, but at least I can walk. I may be at a dead end right now, but one day the light will come.
Diary...why did I care so much for something so little? Screw not having the courage to get published, I can walk again. Kind of.
Since then, I've been taking my second MS and actually sending it out. I'll deal with the consequences afterward if I'm selected. Screw 'what if's'
All life is about is living it. And living it without pain or being able to walk is more important than my trivial little problem.
I've even got Abby almost enrolled in Mother's Day Out, a day for her to get out and meet others. She even has a playdate next week.
These are things that aren't easy to do, but they're easier than walking without a cane right now.
I don't deserve to badger myself for having SAD. I can walk. I'm not in pain anymore. These are things I am thankful for.
I just wish I didn't have to hurt myself so bad to see the truth in front of me.