I HATE myself!

[loneangel]

Where do I start? I can't do anything, I'm not smart, I can't talk and all I can do is destroy every chance of happiness I have. I push everyone away but no one really cares about me anyway. I'm a screw-up and i'm stuck in this dead end I can't get out of. Why am i here, there's no point and I'm not even real. Just existing but not alive. There's this really nice, special guy I like, probably the only person who notices me, and I know i'll screw it up of course. I'm terrified that my lack of social skills will make him lose interest, like everyone else and "just being myself" wont work cause i dont even know who that is. I don't know, my life is going no where and that's the one good thing but I know ill ruin it too. Then i'll completely hate myself!
I have no idea what to do with myself.
And I also spent forever editing this cause I can't even rant right.

[avach]

hey loneangle! i hope your feelin little better today! i can put myself in your situation since used to be very awkward in social situations myself. i thought everybody would know how little contact i had with others and think i was a giant freak and there was no way of anybody finding me nice or interessting. im wondering if you have any friends like just one close friend that you hang out with frequently? or have known for a long while? or siblings maybe? being around people in general will give you an idea of who you are bc the reflect the picture they have of you. that sounds very shallow but its a psychilogical fact. my advice to you is to start out being nice to random strangers like when your in a store. smile when your at the cashier and ell them to have a nice day. or ask someone for the time (not nessesarily guys. im dont mean in a flirting way) and then tell them thank you and just smile at them. people will smile back at you and be nice to you too. once you realize what a nice and awesome girl you are you can give people a chance to actually see you and theyll want to get to know you. im not making this up. thats what i did and it worked out great for me. i used to have suicidal thoughts a lot and i was very angry at myself and other people for not having to go through what i had to and for having a happy life with their 200 closest friends and shit ^^ make baby steps and find out who you are and who you wanna be. feel free to mssg me if you need someone to talk
take care gril

ps.: dont worry it takes long for me to rant online too ^^ just angry cussing and whatever comes to you mind doesnt always have a great outcome so nothing wrong woth that

[strawberrysweetie]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. I can understand, as I have a lot of the same exact feelings toward myself the vast majority of the time.

Since I'm basically the same, I don't really have any advice unfortunately, but feel free to contact me if you ever want someone to listen or talk to.